


Convergence

by TheProfessor



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Family Feels, Get In The Damn Robot, Inappropriate Use of the Force, John Boyega would be proud, Multi, Pacific Rim AU, Poly!Finn, The Force Ships It, Tico Sisters Do It Better, canceling the apocalypse, force skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:16:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 67,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheProfessor/pseuds/TheProfessor
Summary: The Hong Kong Shatterdome - nicknamed Starkiller - has been the first line of defense against the Kaiju menace for the past ten years. The world's Jaegers are being destroyed faster than they can be rebuilt and the number of drift compatible pilots is dwindling. Jaeger mechanic Rey Jakku is relocated to Hong Kong to assist in focusing the Pan Pacific Defense Corps' resources on ground zero.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to my wonderful beta, guibass.
> 
> The plan is to update once a week, on Thursdays. Let's cancel the apocalypse!
> 
> [Chapter notes: a tahn bong (or “short stick”) is a short, staff-like weapon used in Korean martial arts, about the size of a sword]

#### Day 1, 0458 hours

#### 

Ben Solo jolted awake, heart racing.

A shadow of the past trailed behind his eyes. He squeezed them tight enough to see stars, then sat up. A remarkable memory, terrible and fierce, burned a hole in his skull. Hands shook as they shoved the sweat-soaked sheets off the bed. Shook as he remembered thoughts that were not his own. He called to the Force to enter his mind, to help calm his ragged breathing.

There would be no more sleep tonight.

He shifted to let his feet touch the cold metal below. His short, black hair was matted against his forehead, and he ran his fingers through the damp strands, pushing them back from his face. The bed frame creaked in response to his movements. He stared at the copper-brown beneath his feet, willing calm into his body.

His sparsely furnished room never looked friendly after a nightmare.

Ben stood, ignoring his reflection in the nearby mirror, and walked the short distance to visit the ‘fresher. He scrubbed at his face with a towel, then threw it viciously into the sink. He smelled like salt and fear.

“ _I am stronger than this_ ,” he thought, gripping the counter with bone-white, clammy hands. “ _I should be stronger than this._ ”

He could hear the Jaegers from here.

The Hong Kong Shatterdome, nicknamed Starkiller, was almost silent. He could feel the vibrations of the massive metal structure, the barely-sound that lulled the base’s inhabitants to sleep at all hours of the day. And beyond that were the Jaegers. Humanoid war machines of raw power, unfathomable for those who had never seen one up close. Dozens of stories high, built to protect humanity from the Kaiju, monstrous creatures from another world. From the Breach. The Jaegers were a privilege to build, an honor to pilot.

He had honor, once.

He grabbed the nearest set of clothes and dressed in a way that some would consider comfortable. Ben angrily snatched his _tahn bong_ from its resting place beside his bed. The metal door to his room squealed open with a hard shove.

He could hear the sound of a hundred engineers and mechanics, furiously working their calloused, grease-stained hands to the bone, to again repair that which would soon be destroyed. His room was one of the closest to the Jaeger bay. How he had begged for this room, once upon a time, when the sounds would sing him to sleep.

He licked his chapped lips and turned away. The familiar metal tang of the air here tasted like home. Or what was left of it.

Clad in dark sweatpants, a light shirt, and a scowl, Ben Solo stalked off to the training rooms.


	2. How Nature Points Out The Folly Of Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Pac Rim Universe terminology:
> 
> "Mock-Pods" are simulation tech that are typically used to train new Jaeger pilots  
> LOCCENT is short for "Local Command Center" and is mission control; they are responsible for deploying the Jaegers during a Kaiju event

#### 0557 hours

#### 

Rey peered out the side window of the helicopter at the swirling ocean, the water streaked with Kaiju blood.

The flying machine zipped through mile after mile of salt-thick sea air, carrying her closer to her destination with every whir of the metal blades. “ _They fought today_ ,” she thought, while watching the helicopter’s lights bring the waters into focus. The brightness of the blood, fluorescent blue in the sea below, distracted her from her mission. She turned her thoughts to the city, its pulsing night life like fairy lights in the dark.

She was moving, Hux had informed her, to her new base in Hong Kong. Something about needing new mechanics and engineers elsewhere. To be honest, she never listened to him. All she knew - and cared to know - was that she, one of their best mechanics, had been reassigned to the main bunker of the resistance.

“Miss Jakku, we are approaching the Shatterdome.”

Rey tore her eyes away from the water and fixed them on the front window. The captain of the aircraft was pointing down at the behemoth of a structure, planted a few miles off of Hong Kong’s coast. The aptly nicknamed “Starkiller” was the first line of defence against the Kaiju menace, a war that had been raging for a decade. This place was ground zero and it was the largest building that Rey had ever seen. It stretched like a starving predator between Hong Kong’s bay and the open ocean, protecting the millions of tiny lives on land. It consisted of miles of hallways, Mock-Pods for training new pilots, and multiple Jaeger hangars, which Rey was keen on exploring as soon as they landed.

She had spent many hours in her old room at “Tatooine”, the American Southwest’s own Shatterdome, scarfing stolen food and reading up on the other bases. She knew as much as there was to know about the multiple Generals of the Resistance and all of their Jaegers, stationed along the Marianas breach as they were. She knew them all by heart; all of the pilots, the Jaegers, everyone. She cheered as they won and mourned them as they died. Starkiller had been her dream for a long time.

They approached the dome’s landing pads with deft movements, Rey silently appreciating the experience of her pilot. She had tuned out the helicopter’s blades long ago, but their shifting speed brought them to her ears again. Starkiller was lit up from the outside with a blinding number of lights and she squinted as some of them turned their attention to the aircraft as it landed.

She remembered the first time she had ever seen a Jaeger. Ten years old, sitting cross-legged in front of the ancient television in her foster’s parents’ living room. Rey, shovelling spoonful after spoonful of tasteless cereal into her mouth, staring wide-eyed at the god-like machines that were so easily able to stem the tide of Hell.

She swore to herself then that she would make Jaegers her life’s work.

Rey stepped out of the helicopter into the night, looking up from the landing pad toward the monstrous hangar nearby. It was one of the tallest things she had ever seen; the metal-dark ceiling of the structure seemed to scrape against the sky, daring the stars to fight them too. 

Starkiller.

She grinned, her short, brown hair whipping around her head. “ _This could be fun._ ”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0728 hours

#### 

Ben Solo stood in the massive training room, alone.

The colorful facility was furnished with almost any exercise equipment imaginable, from treadmills and weights to punching bags and breaking boards. Mats of all types were strewn across the floor and rolled up in corners. Racks of various types of non-firearm weapons were set up across the room against the wall. Certain pieces of equipment were restricted to particular members of the base, due to the experience needed to use them. The metal weapons were for Jaeger pilots only; Ben pointedly ignored their presence.

Hours had passed since his jarring return to the waking world and he had been here ever since. Anger flowed through his body, white hot and searing. Food was a vague thought, but he ignored it in favor of roundhouse kicking the punching bag once more. The hanging beast was catapulted away, spinning around its anchor point before he stopped it with his hand. Dry, cracked knuckles were bloody from the three broken bags that were strewn about nearby, anchors snapped. His oblique muscles hurt - screamed - and he kicked the bag again.

He tried to focus on nothing - to fill his mind with the peace of the Force - and failed.

The recent nightmare still plagued him, clawing at his mind. It was one he had had many times, but that did not make it feel less real. Memories of someone else, of terrible things that swam behind his eyes. His dreams had always been terrible, even as a child; nightmare after nightmare, repeating the same visions like a broken record. Ben had his own demons, even then, before others were suddenly thrust upon him. Old nightmares, ones that still deigned to visit him, now and again.

The Force had always been a soothing presence in his life, but even its powers could not lift the swirling tempest in his mind. Sweat coated his skin, hours of exercising working his sculpted muscles to the bone. He was tired - physically and mentally - and had convinced himself that working to exhaustion would let him go back to sleep in peace.

Ben turned to the side and almost smacked right into Finn. “What-”

He had been so focused on forcing his brain into submission that the Jaeger pilot snuck up on him. He straightened up and stared down at the other man, who was looking back at him with a mixture of apprehension and relief at not being kicked in the head.

“Hey Ben!” Finn said cheerily, handing Ben the _tahn bong_ he had found nearby. “Come get breakfast with me!”

Finn was one half of _Stormwing_ , the last remaining class-4 Jaeger at the base. Finn and his partner, Poe, had driven off more Kaiju than any other pairs of pilots in the history of the war, save the Tico sisters. They had diverted the funds from their gratuitous merchandise sales - something that most pilots had, these days - to help fund Starkiller and it was more than a blessing. As such, the pilots were universally beloved across the globe.

“Breakfast?” Ben’s voice reached his ears, hollow and strained, as he took the weapon. Finn was relentlessly cheerful in the mornings, enthusiasm matched only by his co-pilot, whose worn bomber jacket he happened to be wearing. “I’m not hungry.”

“Come on, you must be! You look like you’ve been here for hours!” Finn’s voice pitched up and he cleared his throat, the most awkward of olive branches. “Come on, Ben. Come eat with me.”

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m fine,” Ben responded. He stepped away and returned to the punching bag after placing the _tahn bong_ in its original position. Finn sighed, painfully aware that the conversation was over. The dejected pilot padded away across the mats, shaking his head.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0739 hours

#### 

“Where are we at with repairs?”

General Leia Organa-Solo peered through the elevated window at LOCCENT Mission Control and into the largest hangar that Starkiller possessed. She had been spending quite some time staring at the slowly progressing repairs of the twenty-three story _Cobalt Hammer_ , the class-3 Jaeger piloted by the Tico sisters. The last Kaiju attack, by a beast codenamed Fulminatrix, had been seven hours ago and they were already behind schedule. The new influx of engineers and mechanics had come not a moment too soon; a few had already arrived early this morning and the rest would trickle in over the next several hours. They had their work cut out for them.

The _Cobalt Hammer_ had sustained a gaping wound to the torso, from left hip to right shoulder, shredding the metal and damaging many of the Jaeger’s main systems. According to Rose, had the cut been any deeper, the core of the machine would have been damaged; the Jaeger would have been out of commission for several days, perhaps a couple of weeks. They could not afford that kind of time.

The weight of this place sat heavily on their shoulders. They had been fighting the Kaiju for ten years, a testament to humanity’s ingenuity and self-preservation. Leia had been a pilot herself before being promoted to General; she and Luke lost their Jaeger in battle, and a combination of age and old injuries forced them out of the business of sending the Kaiju to their maker. Her intuition had served Starkiller well, refusing to coddle her workers, instead giving them the facts and resources they needed to get the job done. She was well respected by Starkiller staff, though some media outlets tended to shine a not-so-favorable light on some of her decisions. Ultimately, the negative press did not matter to her; she had a planet to protect. She instead spent time reinforcing her base by making as many connections as she could.

“Good news, General,” Paige Tico relayed with a salute, talking over the smaller groups of individuals scattered around the LOCCENT command room. The noise here was different, but just as harsh as the hangars. It was a convenient location to dispense information from, as each branch of the fight at Starkiller was headed by a member of the Jedi Counsel, of which General Organa was the leader. “Another group of engineers have just arrived. Rose is debriefing them and assigning their living quarters as we speak. They should begin work within the hour.”

“I asked you a question, commander,” Leia said, gentle but firm, already suspecting the answer. Her somber eyes moved from the window to the Jaeger pilot, passing over the brightly colored consoles around them. She hated when things were sugar-coated; it wasn’t helpful and never added anything of value to a situation. The older of the Tico sisters was notorious for this. “Bless her heart.”

Paige sighed. Leia could feel others’ moods on rare occasions, one of the more uncomfortable senses that the Force afforded her. She could tell that the young pilot was full of frustration and tinged with hopelessness.

“Yes ma’am.” Commander Tico swallowed, looking down and ignoring the sounds of war that floated around the room. “We are waiting on another shipment of materials from Russia. Until they arrive, there are limits we have on what we can do with the repairs.”

Leia cocked her head at Paige, then lifted a hand to the other woman’s chin. The Jaeger pilot raised her head, silent. Her deep, brown eyes were shining and undercut with dark circles. She looked so tired. It sent a pang of despair through the General’s heart. They were all so young. None of them deserved this.

“Damage to the Jaegers is not a failure,” Leia said, reaching down to grasp the young woman’s warm hands in her own. “I won’t hear a word of it. You did a spectacular job. And Rose too. You have kept us safe for so long. Every single day is a victory.” She squeezed her hands gently. “Don’t ever forget that.”

“Yes ma’am... Thank you.” Paige blinked again and again, dropping Leia’s hands. The latter could feel the pilot’s despair somewhat soothed; it was true that she did not coddle them, but kindness was more than deserved. “I will be sure to let you know when the shipment arrives.”

“That would be appreciated,” Leia said, smiling warmly. She was about to dismiss the woman and turn away, but stopped. “Go get something to eat. And don’t tell me that you ate earlier, we both know you didn’t.” Paige was infamous for her twenty-plus hour repairs, refusing sleep and eating only those foods that were easily carried to the hangar. This often meant that she simply did not eat enough, and Leia happened to know that she had been assisting with the remaining repairs on _Stormwing_ before the recent attack.

Paige flushed. “Yes ma’am.” She smiled back, embarrassed at being caught out, and turned toward the door to the mess hall. The Tico sisters had been raised to be studious and hardworking, sometimes to their physical and mental detriment. She was very fond of them both.

“And go get some sleep!” Leia called after her. Paige waved in acknowledgement and disappeared through the doorway.

Leia sighed and went back to the window.

Rose and Paige Tico had been pilots at Starkiller for almost eighteen months. During that time, they had fielded almost two dozen Kaiju with relatively little damage to their persons. The sisters had a familial bond that was quite rare, even for those who were Force-touched. It made them formidable; Paige was the more calculating of the two, while Rose was their source of fierce determination. They continued to do everything together, even though they had long passed childhood. The stronger the bond, the better the fighters, after all.

“ _The stronger the bond…_ ” Her exhausted, troubled mind drifted from the Tico sisters. There was another person that she needed to speak with, though she could feel the apprehension roiling in her gut at the very idea. She felt deeply guilty, wanting to avoid her own child. She needed to speak with Ben, and soon.

But first: get a time frame for the next Kaiju event and sell off the scavenged parts of Fulminatrix to Hong Kong’s Black Market.

She did so hate talking to Phasma.


	3. I Don't Feel Like Dancin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey is a goof and Ben is a mess.

#### 0747 hours

#### 

“...You’re scaring me a little,” Rose said slowly. “Are you okay?”

Rey grinned wildly at Rose Tico, her guide, Jaeger pilot - and now - boss. “I can’t believe I get to see them up close!”

The yawning expanse of the main hangar at Starkiller shone above Rey’s head. She was starry-eyed, looking back and forth between _Cobalt Hammer_ and _Stormwing_ like she was a six year old with a sugar high on Christmas morning. They were so beautiful. And terrible.

“Which one do I get to work on?” Rey shouted over the cacophony of a dozen and a half other J-techs and engineers nearby who were working furiously to repair the _Cobalt Hammer_. The gaping hole in its grey torso was filled with bodies, welding and connecting and praying. Its limbs were more or less intact, minor structural damage to its left leg catching Rey’s eye; extremities were her speciality.

She inhaled; the smell of salt filled the room. Submerging the Jaegers in water was necessary for battle, but the resulting corrosion furthered the volume of repairs required. Galvanized steel was prized highly for this reason; more resistant to salt damage than other types of metal, Starkiller contracted with multiple suppliers for as much of it as they could buy.

Rose nodded her head at the _Cobalt Hammer_. “ _Stormwing_ has been repaired enough that it could be deployed right now, if we need it. So you’ll be assigned to the _Cobalt Hammer_.”

“That’s your Jaeger.” It wasn’t a question.

Rose smiled, proud. “It is.” Rey’s enthusiasm was… refreshing, somehow. Starkiller was full of overworked, desperate people. There was no mistaking the urgency with which the Jaegers must be repaired, but it was easy to give in to the despair of this place. Hundreds of thousands had died before the Jaegers were built, and the rest of humanity was in danger if they failed. The inland populations were protected by distance only and Hong Kong’s coast had been decimated and rebuilt dozens of times. Many lives had been lost because a Jaeger could not be dispatched quickly enough to hold the Miracle Mile, the ideal minimum distance between any live Kaiju and land.

While the Jaegers seemed to be power incarnate, the truth was that Earth was only a few small steps away from annihilation. Many other bases were down to their last Jaeger or two as well, and the machines were being destroyed faster than they could be rebuilt. The pressure and stress threw so many into the deepest recesses of their own minds; support from each other was more than necessary, lest they let succumb to that darkness.

Rey stared up at the _Cobalt Hammer_. Its head was superficially scratched from the early morning battle, the injury abandoned in favor of more urgent matters. “Does it still have the nuclear reactor core?”

Rose blinked, surprised that someone from another base would know such information about her Jaeger. “Yes, it’s still nuclear. We don’t have a replacement core at the moment.” The implication was not lost on Rey; _Stormwing_ was digital and cores were difficult to build. But they would do whatever was necessary to save this planet, even if the _Cobalt Hammer_ someday donated its core to _Stormwing_ instead.

Rey looked at her new boss, then back up at the individuals climbing over the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ frame. She had previously been assigned to the _Dark Priestess_ at Tatooine, a massive class-4 Jaeger with a circlet of ballistic missiles crowning its head. Class four and up were all digital, removing the well-known threat of radiation poisoning from the long list of dangers the crew faced. This issue had never been on her radar before, but she would not back down.

Rose watched Rey gaze upward, her expression now pensive and resolute. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ve wanted to be a Jaeger mechanic since I was nine,” Rey breathed. “I know about them all. I research them. Or I did,” she clarified, remembering the volumes of information she had left behind. “I never imagined I’d be here. At ground zero.” She paused. “I never thought it would get this bad.”

Rose’s face fell. “We do what we can.” She felt no small amount of shame at her inability to do more. She and her sister were identical in that respect.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Rey insisted, tearing her gaze away from the towering machine. “I just… never thought we might lose.”

“We won’t,” Rose stated firmly, black hair framing her face. “Losing isn’t an option.” 

A grin split Rey’s face once more. “I’m going to like working for you.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0813 hours

#### 

“I said no.”

Leia pursed her lips, barely able to keep up with her child’s long strides down the hallway. She always said there should be laws against sons being taller than their mothers. “Ben-”

“It is not my _job_ ,” he spat, whirling on her. “To make you _feel_ better!”

Leia had caught him in the hall on the way back from the training room, exhausted and empty. She had tried to usher him into a private room, but he had refused. They had had this argument so many times, and he had given in to every single one. The air around them was charged and bristling, the other people in the half-lit hallway looking everywhere but at the two of them, yet listening intently.

“Ben, _please_.” She looked up at him with hazel eyes that were pleading, a storm of emotion.

The defunct pilot ground his teeth together. This was always the way it was. She only came to talk to him when she needed him to _do_ something. Always his job to do what she wanted, so it looked like she was trying, nothing more than a pawn for glory. It always had to do with their last Jaeger, the one gathering dust in the abandoned hangar at the far end of the base. The Jaeger that had no pilots, because they could not find enough Force-touched pairs to train. A Jaeger that both Ben Solo and General Organa were constantly being ridiculed for not using.

It was an endless source of guilt for them both.

“I won’t, not this time,” Ben said, furrowing his brow. “Enough is enough. Find other people to pilot your machine, I’m not doing this anymore.” Every attempt at finding him a drift compatible partner over the last several years had failed and she knew why. He turned and stalked down the hallway, groups of people separating to let him pass.

She followed him, desperate, despite the stares of the people around them. The timeframe for the next Kaiju event was a few days. “ _Days. Perhaps less than that._ ” She had to try.

“Ben-”

He walked faster, turning a sharp corner to distance himself from her as much as possible. “Leave me alone.”

A wave of frustration overtook her, and before she realized what she was saying-

“Another attempt won’t hurt anything!”

Leia froze. She felt herself curl inward, the hot wash of shame racing over her skin. Her pale cheeks burned.

Ben stopped, hand tightening around the _tahn bong_ that had been forgotten when his mother first approached him in the hall. “Nice to know I’m not anything.” He shot a look over his shoulder that could melt steel, then stomped off to the recreation hall.

Anything to get away from here.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0819 hours

#### 

Rey grumbled, begrudgingly following Rose’s confusing directions to the mess hall. She had been ordered to eat before beginning her repairs, and lost the inevitable argument just as soon as it began.

The mess hall was a huge, sterile-looking room with rows upon rows of hard plastic tables, ones that dredged up miserable memories from Rey’s old middle school. The kitchen was across the room from where she was standing, people trickling in and out of the line. There was a free seat here and there, but otherwise the tables were full of hungry, seemingly tired workers. The rumble of voices in the room was more subdued than Rey would have expected, but it occurred to her that perhaps this was the first break many of them had had since the _Cobalt Hammer_ returned from its fight earlier this morning.

She walked to the end of the serving line, surprisingly short as it was. Rey was looking around at the hundreds of people wolfing down their food - instead of paying attention to where she was going - and accidentally stepped on the heel of the woman at the end of the line.

“Whoops, sorry!”

The dark-haired woman glanced over her shoulder, “Ah, it’s okay, no harm done.”

Rey’s eyes widened as she took in the other woman’s face. “Are you Paige Tico?” she blurted, then clapped her hand over her mouth, cursing herself for the less-than-polite interruption.

Paige blinked, a bemused look on her face. She was far too tired to dispense with much more than pleasantries. “I am. Are you one of our new recruits?”

“Sorry, ma’am,” she apologized, following the pilot through the line. “Yes, my name is Rey and I’m a mechanic from Tatooine. I just finished debriefing with your sister.” She cleared her throat. “I’ve been assigned to your Jaeger, actually.”

Paige could see that Rey was full to the brim with energy, from her bouncing gait and cheery disposition. She could not remember the last time she felt like that. “That’s good to hear,” Paige said, grabbing a full tray with one hand. “You are one of many new workers we have, and just in time.”

The dark circles under Paige’s eyes were not lost on Rey; she had spent many days and nights on Tatooine with a set of her own. “I’m excited to start,” Rey said, pulling a multicolored schematic out of her pocket and waving it around. “Rose told me that I have to study this before I can begin repairing anything.”

Paige nodded. “Standard for new workers.” She yawned, so wide and so suddenly that her eyes prickled with tears. “Pardon me,” she said, rubbing at her face.

“Um,” Rey said warily, taking her own tray. “Can I help you find a seat, Miss Tico?”

“Paige,” she corrected, yawning again. “Just Paige.”

“Paige,” Rey echoed, peering around the slowly emptying room. The other woman looked borderline delirious with exhaustion. “Let me help you find a seat.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0912 hours

#### 

Leia regretted few things more than what she had said to her son.

She did not blame him for leaving her alone in that hallway. The stares of her workers - for she would not call them subordinates, despite their military training - were seared into her mind. The burn of shame and guilt had followed her from the hall and back to her rooms, settling themselves on her weary shoulders.

Her quarters had been devoid of any homely feeling for years. The only luxuries she afforded herself were her clothes, used for comfort as well as intimidation when other members of the various branches of the world’s military forces visited. Such an event had occurred last week; another would not pass for a while. The only small relief that the “Princess” of Starkiller had.

A visiting soldier had given her that nickname. She had given him a demotion.

Leia sat on the edge of her bed, fingering the hem of her pale nightgown. Despite Ben’s reluctance, he was right. For several years they had tried. _He_ had tried, to no avail. And it made him feel like a failure.

Strong in the Force though he was, all recent attempts to find a drift compatible partner had turned up dust. Poe and Finn both had tried with Ben, back before they discovered their own unique partnership. It had been - and still was - a blessing to have those joyful boys. They brought so much light to such a dark place.

But that didn’t help Ben.

She picked at a loose thread. Her precious boy had changed so much. He had been so full of hope before. So eager to prove himself, in a way that she had never seen, even when he was a child. There had been a spark of something there.

And... it had died.

It was almost 6 years to the day since the incident. Perhaps it set Ben on edge, remembering it all. She didn’t begrudge him that. She could not fathom the fear and pain it must have caused him, to have come so far and lose so much.

It had been several years since she and Luke had piloted their own Jaeger. The Resistance had been destroyed before Ben’s prowess in the Force had been truly tested. Shortly before old age made piloting too risky, made the neural handshake unstable and unusable. Leia and Luke had retired, back when there were still pilots to be had. And now it was far too late to return to the cockpit.

Leia sighed. Far too tired to sleep, vaguely aware that it was early morning, she attempted to fell the beast anyway.


	4. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey likes cats and nightmares are terrifying.

#### 2316 hours

#### 

The ‘fresher called to Rey, to scrub the oil and sweat from her arms and face, but she elected to stay cross-legged on her bed. She surveyed the pilfered goods before her and chewed thoughtfully on the sandwich she had swiped from the mess hall. Turkey wasn’t her favorite, but she had learned long ago that picky eaters didn’t eat; not-so-fond memories of eating Spam as a child made her skin crawl. She awkwardly reached behind her to place the energy bars and fruit on her dresser. They would last longer than certain other things.

She peered down at her lap, flipping over another page of today’s newspaper, the novelty of the ink-filled pages tickling the part of her brain that enjoyed collecting such things. She had left all of her carefully curated tidbits of Jaeger and Kaiju history back at Tatooine Base. Hux had insisted that there was no time for her to pack up, so she had left her belongings with Lieutenant Connix for safekeeping. They had been friends for a long time and she trusted the woman implicitly.

_“Might call her tomorrow to check in,”_ Rey thought. She had somehow remembered to charge her cellphone before running off to the hangar this morning after breakfast.

The maine coon on the bed next to her stretched and yawned, large canines glinting in the light cast by the single fluorescent bulb above them. The base had cats, something that Rey was overjoyed to discover. This one had followed her into her room, no doubt smelling the food she had stolen. Rey gave it a small piece of turkey and it ate the meat with gusto. She scratched its head; it was very friendly, but had no collar.

“I’ll just call you Charlie,” she said, and the cat purred.

Rey carefully folded the newspaper and stood from her new bed, stretching her sore muscles. Her room was about the same size as her previous quarters, only without the adornments she typically hung on the walls. It was time to put up some new ones, she supposed. The newspaper had pictures of _Cobalt Hammer’s_ recent fight; that was a good start.

The Jaeger had been everything she had read about and more. She spent the last 14 hours repairing _Cobalt Hammer’s_ leg after insisting that she would be most comfortable and useful there. She was not close to finishing it yet, but made good progress rewiring and replacing various pieces where she could. The schematic she had been given was a hidden formality; Rey had used the resources on Tatooine to dig up most of the plans for current and past Jaegers, and had ignored anyone who said she was not authorized to do so. Rose did not know that, but perhaps it was for the best that she didn’t. For now.

She padded to the shower as her mind drifted to the Tico sisters. Both Rose and Paige had been a delight to meet, though the latter had been so tired, Rey was not sure the pilot would even remember her when she woke up. Rey had escorted the exhausted woman back to her quarters, noting the second bed that was crowding the already cramped room. She came to the conclusion that it must belong to Rose, and resisted the urge to poke at the collection of colorful geodes covering her boss’s dresser.

Rey stripped down and took the hottest, longest shower she had taken in months. The wet, humid climate of Hong Kong was a stark contrast to the dry heat she was accustomed to. Sweating this much was unheard of there; she felt sticky, but left the shower quite refreshed.

Charlie was sitting at her bedroom door, meowing and scratching at the metal. Rey wrapped a fluffy towel around her torso and surreptitiously opened the door so the cat could leave. Noise of all kinds floated through the crack, smatterings of various languages that she didn’t know. Starkiller was a hub for so many things, and speech was no exception. Everyone here spoke English, but multiple Asian languages also floated between its inhabitants; she knew the Tico sisters also spoke Vietnamese, and perhaps others as well. Rey knew nothing of any of them, but hoped she might learn, if she paid enough attention.

She shut the door. The room was rather quiet now, but she preferred that sometimes.

She dressed in her designated sleeping clothes, then climbed back onto the bed. Rey reached a hand over her shoulder and the closest apple flew to her open palm, ignoring the voice in her head that admonished her for using the Force to be lazy. The rest of her took a large, juicy bite and grinned. Fresh fruit was not the easiest thing to come by. Nor was the Force, as she had been told many times.

Her powers in the Force had grown over her nineteen years of life, truly one of the only reasons she had survived so long. So few people could wield the power - at least, no one she had known growing up - and it was a strange thing to behold. Stranger to use, especially when you discover the ability at six years old. Jaeger pilots relied on the compatibility of the Force between them; it alone determined who was drift-compatible. She had wanted so badly to be a pilot, but despite many tryouts on Tatooine, none were fruitful. When she left, the _Dark Priestess_ still had her pilots. Most Jaegers did these days, though compatible pilots were still few and far between.

She was quite formidable with it, or so she had been told. She never used it unless it was necessary; too many had approached her with a variety of disreputable propositions. It left a bad taste in her mouth. But she had taught herself to use it properly, most often for self-defence. A high school dropout trekking the American Southwest must learn to protect herself, after all.

She dropped the apple core into the garbage can nearby, then threw the covers back. She was tired and Rose had ordered her to - sadly - get some sleep.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Ben dreams of a desert._

_Dry, oppressive heat presses in on him from every direction, wind whipping sand into his face. His hands pull the collar of his too-large shirt up and over his mouth and nose, to shield him from the barrage. The sun burns, eyes squinting into the neverending distance, the screech of the wind overwhelming his senses._

_His limbs feel different. Gangly in a way that they have not been in years, he peers down at his legs. The honed muscles are gone, replaced by spindly appendages that are all too familiar. He can barely remembering being this young, before his teenage years thrust him into a world where he was taller than both his parents. The angle of his gaze is different too; he must be ten years old again._

_The sand worms its way into his clothing and mouth, ignoring protective coverings. He slogs and stumbles over the shifting ground, looking for what he has lost. What - or who - he must find._

_The dull roar in his chest begs and pleads, but he sees nothing. Nothing lives here, the dunes blank and shapeless. The sands stretch out in every direction, the sun blinding him to what little he can see. He stares down at his feet, watching the grains slip between his naked toes. His feet are hot - burning - but he must keep walking._

_He trips. Sand flies into his hair, a muffled thud as his body hits the ground. Beneath him, the golden waves turn into quicksand. Ben scrambles to grab anything, but his hands find only air. He screams as the sand opens, a yawning chasm, and he is sucked down into the dunes._

xxxxxxxxxx

_Rey dreams of an ocean._

_A vast blackness surrounds her, stretching away into the night. The moonless sky is the color of crow feathers, star-kissed in contrast to the emptiness that fills her mind. Her body is tiny and fragile, now returned to the malnourished form she had as a small child, before the Force graced her with its presence. She can feel nothing, breathe nothing, but the cold water around her._

_She is drowning._

_She flails in terror; she cannot remember how to swim, cannot remember if she ever knew how. There are no islands here, no footholds to precariously save her life. Water washes over her, enveloping her in its icy embrace. She coughs and swallows the salt, her fear. Her small body cannot keep up with the ocean’s rough waves. They toss her to and fro, crashing over her head, plastering her dark hair to her face. She screams and screams for help, but no one answers._

_She cannot remember why she is in the middle of this misery. Only that she was desperately searching - for someone? something? - and it is nowhere to be found. The thick, sluggish feeling worms its way into her chest and takes root, from breastbone out, filling her soul with loneliness and failure._

_Frantic hands grasp at nothing, her soaked clothes beginning the precipitous drop to her doom. She is sputtering and choking, feeling the darkness below pull her down, down, down…_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### Day 2, 0428 hours

#### 

Rey Jakku and Ben Solo both jumped from their beds as the sudden wail of an alarm beat on the walls of Starkiller, sending the many inhabitants of the dome into a frenzy.

**“Warning: Kaiju event. Kaiju, category three. Warning: Kaiju attack imminent.”**

Rey catapulted herself from her room, dragging an energy bar with her; she must be ready to repair anything and everything when the Jaeger returns, though Rose told her that _Stormwing_ would be deployed this time. She ran down the hallway toward the hangar, disappearing into the throngs of people who were scrambling to watch the pilots go.

Ben swallowed his pride and threw on presentable clothing; he was always welcome on the bridge when battles occurred, the one thing that no one here seemed to begrudge him. He shut the bedroom door behind him and headed for the command room, vowing to return for the recently packed duffle bag next to his bed, to get him out of this place once and for all.

**“Jaeger pilots to their stations. Warning: Kaiju attack imminent. T-minus fifteen minutes.”**


	5. You've Been Thunderstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone has entirely too much energy for Ben's taste.

#### 0437 hours

#### 

Finn and Poe skidded to a halt at the apex of Starkiller’s main hangar, where their Conn-Pod - the head to their Jaeger - was secured. Suspended high over the body of _Stormwing_ , it would be ready to drop onto the shoulders of their beloved metal beast once they were fully prepared. Grinning wildly at one another, they set to work.

They scrambled into the middle of the room, where crew members rapidly hooked, connected, and fastened the black, multi-piece drift suits onto the two pilots. Drift helmets sat on their heads, hiding the boys’ dark hair, ready to meld their minds with their fantastical Kaiju killing machine. The viewport in front of them peered out over the expanse of the hangar; if they stood next to it and looked down, their many friends below would look like ants. Brilliant, resourceful ants.

“You both enjoy this too much,” Leia Organa’s voice sounded through the com in _Stormwing_ ’s head. The device allowed anyone in the command room to see and hear what was going on inside the Jaeger. They relied on helicopters, Jumphawks, and live feeds to see the battles themselves. The ‘hawks were already prepared for their part in this fight; they would be carrying _Stormwing_ by cable out into the bay, hand-delivering death to this new Kaiju. 

“Fighting aliens is what we do!” Finn crowed, and the crew members around him cheered at his infectious positivity. They handed the boys their distal interfaces, handheld devices that would allow them to use the Jaeger’s arms.

“Fighting aliens is what you do, I’m just here to look pretty,” Poe grinned at his partner. The crew had finished securing the two men into their suits and were moving out of the space around them, to the back of _Stormwing_ ’s Conn-Pod. 

Finn rolled his eyes, hiding the smile that mirrored Poe’s. They had been partners - drift and otherwise - for almost two years, longer than most other pilot pairs in history. Every Kaiju battle was still the ride of a lifetime.

“I think you’ll find that I’m the pretty one,” a young, feminine voice echoed over the speaker.

“Rose!” The boys cheered, a sound that roared into a cacophony of whoops from the crew members that were scattered at the back of the pod. The faint whir of the Jaeger’s computer interface lit up the screen in front of them.

“You are definitely the pretty one,” Finn said, activating a series of checks on the right half of _Stormwing_ ’s interface, as Poe did the same on the left side.

“I didn’t see you all day yesterday, that fight was brilliant!” Poe shouted, fully activating his side of the Jaeger’s head. “You and Paige should be proud!”

Rose grinned, though the boys couldn’t see it. “You keep yourselves safe!”

“I’ll bring him back in one piece, I promise!” Poe said, giving the camera inside the cockpit a flamboyantly embellished salute.

Finn scoffed. “Please-”

“Everyone,” Leia interrupted, knowing that the two cheeky pilots could not see her drag a hand down her face. “Let’s focus?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Finn and Poe tightened their grips on the interfaces in their hands. Leia was right; there would be plenty of time for shenanigans. The crew climbed out of the Conn-Pod and left them to debrief.

“We have a category three Kaiju as we did yesterday, codename Thornjaw.” Leia’s eyes skimmed over the sheet of paper in front of her, looking over the cursory data that their systems could pick up by scanning the breach. “Quadrupedal, with what appears to be a thick skull and horns of some kind. And exceedingly large teeth.” She threw down the sheet, eying the drop button nearby, which would send _Stormwing_ ’s head sailing down to meet the rest of it. “All of your major systems have been repaired, as you both know. You should be good to go. Thirty seconds until drop.”

_Stormwing_ was a Jaeger built for a little bit of everything. It had a 360-degree rotating torso, plasma cannons mounted on its shoulders, and large, retractable wings that lent the machine its name. It had a formidable arsenal, as well as a few tricks up its sleeve for hand-to-hand style combat. It was a perfect fusion of both fighting styles, something that its pilots appreciated immensely.

The two men were stretching and settling into their suits, working the edge off of their adrenaline. Finn glanced at Poe, “Should we do the Guatemalan Knuckle Buster this time?”

“Yeah!” Poe said, impossibly more enthusiastic. “I think we should. Thoughts, boss?”

Leia frowned, and they could hear it through the microphone. “Don’t take any unnecessary risks, gentlemen. You aren’t expendable.” She understood why lightheartedness was so valuable here, but worried that it would cause them to let their guards down.

“You’re no fun, _Princess_ ,” Poe teased.

Leia rolled her eyes, reached over the console next to her, and slammed the button.

_Stormwing_ ’s head slid down the guiding rails onto its shoulders, while Poe and Finn screamed in sudden, abject terror.

Despite the very real threat and possible death that the pilots faced, Rose couldn’t help but join in with the rest of the crew and laughed until she cried.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0439 hours

#### 

Ben squeezed past the rear consoles in the LOCCENT command center as the group’s raucous laughter died away.

He swept around the room, settling against the back wall. No one paid him any mind, which he was grateful for. The dull, persistent ache in his chest was nothing new; nightmares did that now and again.

The large screen on the far side of the room lit up, a live feed of the Jumphawks’ view settling on its surface. They were already pulling _Stormwing_ up and out of the hangar, the massive machine’s feet dangling in the air as the choppers pulled them to their fate.

It was dark outside, the choppy, black waters reflected in the wake of Starkiller and the nearby coastline. A bitter thought passed through his mind, but he pushed it away as a figure approached him.

“Hello, Ben.” Paige Tico had finally arrived, only moments after him. The voices in the background melded into a cacophony of anxiety.

Ben nodded, noting some color on her often too-pale face. “Hello.” He quietly cleared his throat. “Congratulations on your fight yesterday.”

Paige beamed. “Thank you.” She settled next to him against the wall, arms crossed. “We’ll be getting a new shipment from Russia sooner than we expected.” She waved the cellphone in her hand. “I called to check its location as soon as the alarm went off. We should be able to deploy the _Cobalt Hammer_ again soon, provided we get the materials as promised.”

Ben was fond of the Tico sisters. They respected his boundaries a bit more than Poe or Finn did, though the latter two never had any ill intentions. Paige in particular was a bit more discerning when it came to other people, and could tell that he was interested in the comings and goings of the base, even if he did not participate in such things anymore.

“That’s great,” he said, ignoring the figure of his mother at the front of the room as he peered at the screen once more. _Stormwing_ had just dropped into the ocean and was trudging through the water toward the Kaiju signal. He opened his mouth to speak again, but another figure came barreling toward them out of the noisy groups dotting the control room.

“Hi Ben!” Rose grinned, giving him an energetic wave, to which he nodded a greeting. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she said, turning to her sister. “Can you tell me what year it is?”

“Blah blah blah…” Paige mimed a mouth with her hand. “You do this every time.”

“I’m not the one who sleeps twelve hours at once,” Rose said, peering smugly at her sister over imaginary glasses.

Watching the two of them churned a mixture of bitterness and longing in Ben’s heart. He had no siblings - or even cousins - to bicker with. His dad had been an only child and Uncle Luke was never married. He sometimes wondered how it would have changed things, and if any sibling of his would have been thrust into the world of Force-touched Jaeger pilots. Or willingly sprinted toward it, as he had.

Rose waved a hand in front of his face. “Ben?”

Ben blinked, jolted back to reality. “Yes?” He peered down at her. She was considerably shorter than him, a fact that did not amuse her, no matter how many times he mentioned it.

“Coffee?” she asked cheerily, for what was apparently the second time.

“Please,” he said. She saluted them in a comical fashion and marched off toward the mess hall, a bounce in her step. She was a bit of an enigma to him, the stark difference between this and the fierce, almost dark determination that fueled her in the drift. As if she took every human death personally.

“She talked to you again, didn’t she?” Paige asked him, nodding in Leia’s direction. His morose demeanor was not lost on her.

He only nodded. It was pointless to lie to her. “I’m leaving.”

Paige’s gaze snapped to his. “What? You can’t!” she hissed.

“What am I supposed to do, exactly?” He held back a sneer. “I’m a drain on your resources and a distraction besides.” The look in her eyes said that she disagreed. “It’s been years for me. I’m not... compatible with anyone anymore.”

His nightmares were bad enough. Perhaps they would improve if he was no longer here. The one that this Kaiju had so blessedly interrupted was a repeat customer, but one that he could never quite remember when he woke up. The pain in his chest was always the same.

Paige pressed her lips together. She knew his thoughts on this; they had been over it more than once before. “Who else knows?”

“No one,” he said. “I’d like it to stay that way.”

“...okay. Okay. I won’t say anything,” Paige agreed. “But if you’d just-”

A sudden voice shouted, “There it is!”

A monstrous roar blasted through the speakers in the control room as the screen in front of them showed the Kaiju breach the surface of the water. Every pair of eyes snapped to the screen. The creature had dark blue skin, presumably for camouflage of some kind. Its face was rather goat-like, with curved horns growing from its forehead. But it’s mouth…

“Woah!” Poe’s voice came through the speaker, somewhat recovered from Leia’s abrupt start to the mission. “It’s mouth looks like barbed wire!”

Rows upon rows of large teeth grew from its jaws in every direction, no doubt lending the creature its name. “It’s ugly as hell!” Finn yelled, as _Stormwing_ picked up speed, running toward the monster who was responding in kind. “Can we change its codename to Fugly? I’m sure that face is a crime in at least five countries!”

“Godspeed, boys,” Leia mumbled, clasping her hands together to watch the battle unfold.


	6. I Was Lightning, Before The Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poe and Finn have entirely too much fun.
> 
> (Incidentally, I kind of regret the decision to italicize the names of the Jaegers now. It takes so long!
> 
> Also - sorry this chapter is so short! Finals week sucks!)

#### 0440 hours

#### 

_Stormwing_ and Thornjaw collided with a mighty crash.

Rey stared up at the vid-wall that overlooked Starkiller’s main hangar. Many of the mechanics clustered together in front of it, despite their current workload. They always wanted to watch the battles, even through terrible defeats, and Rey had always done the same. 

Nervous energy hung in the air, suffocating and dark. Workers milled about, unable to focus, to continue the task they had before Thornjaw emerged from the oceans depths. Some hopped from foot to foot, while others wrung their calloused hands, blackened from work. Jaeger engineering had always been a hard living, but standing in the safety of Starkiller, it seemed like a pittance to risking your life in a mecha.

Rey felt the anxiety press in on her and she stepped to the side, away from the thick of the crowd. The feed came from multiple Jumphawks, switching between cameras every minute or two. In the back of her head, she knew this was being broadcast around the world; television stations ate this stuff up, even as the workers simply wished the Kaiju dead.

The goat-esque monster, whose name was now seared into her mind, had disgusting, slobbery jaws full of enough teeth to shred even the largest sea creature, and a long tail that disappeared beneath the waves. Its hooves were flared at the bottom and she flinched as it reared back and kicked _Stormwing_ squarely in the chest.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0443 hours

#### 

 _Stormwing_ stumbled, almost falling, backwards into the salty water. The nearby ‘hawks lit up the area with flood lights, their brightness disorienting to those unused to it. But this wasn’t Poe and Finn’s first rodeo. The pilots regained their bearings and surged forward, continuing their conversation.

“I don’t think this thing makes milk, but we can check?” Finn’s fist punched the Kaiju in the jaw, sending splintered teeth and streams of blood falling into the sea. It roared in pain. Finn flinched, the jolt of being stabbed in the hand sending signals of muted pain through their drift suits.

Poe made a noise of contentment as the pain rolled off him like a wave. “Mmmm blue cheese-”

“Boys!” Leia’s tone through their headpiece contained the well-known sigh of ‘dear god in heaven’ and ‘I’m surrounded by adorable idiots’. “Please just kill it. And no speaking Spanish so I can’t tell what you’re saying.”

“Alright, alright!” They shouted together, fists coming together on each side of the Kaiju’s head - a fist sandwich, if you will. Its thick skull prevented any visible damage and it turned, snapping at Poe’s forearm.

Adrenaline ran thick through the boys’ veins. It was easy to get lost in each other while in the drift. It was a surreal situation, melding minds with the love of your life. It required a monumental amount of trust and honesty, both of which the pilots had in spades. It was strange that they had not realized they were drift compatible the moment they met. It was so obvious now; the sun rose in the east, Paige could sleep anywhere, they were Force-touched and drift compatible. The Force invisibly threaded them together, a bond that was somehow both tenuous and as strong as steel.

“If we keep at far range, it won’t be able to do much with those hooves!” Poe shouted, jostling in the Pinocchio rig, the delicate inner system of wires and metal that gave the pilots mobility and safety inside the cockpit. “I don’t like how close it is to the mainland, let’s push it back first, then get the big guns out!”

Finn nodded; they grabbed the monster’s curled horns, in perfect unison with the machine and one another. The beast roared, dripping fluorescent blue blood into the water, and pushed against _Stormwing_ ’s maneuver. Its flared hooves gave it more purchase on the ocean floor, and it began to push the Jaeger back instead.

“Oh no, this ain’t no war of attrition!” Finn floated through his and Poe’s shared thoughts. The Miracle Mile had to be maintained, at all costs. Minimizing loss of human life was essential. Too many had died already. The ‘hawks circled the area, careful not to get too close; one had done so a few months ago and paid the price, much to the boys’ sorrow.

Finn slammed a button to his right and a jarring motion shook the Jaeger. Jet fighter-like wings extended to the sides in stages from _Stormwing_ ’s back, well past the machine’s shoulders, a beautiful sight to behold. Powerful boosters lined the bottom of the wings and they burst to life, giving the Jaeger a much needed shove in the right direction, away from land. The Kaiju was pushed back, meter by meter, snapping and flailing along the way.

Suddenly, _Stormwing_ was hit hard from behind, pitching forward and losing its grip on the Kaiju’s head.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0446 hours

#### 

Rey gasped, clamping a hand over her mouth. _“The tail!”_

Thornjaw’s mouth was not the only thing with thorns, it seemed. Its exceptionally long tail - previously hidden beneath the waves - was heavily spiked and currently embedded in _Stormwing_ ’s back. The monster was using the opportunity to ram the precious Jaeger with its giant, curved horns.

Rey was only half watching the vid-wall. The group of people near her had grown in number and were struggling to remain optimistic.

_Stormwing_ lost its footing, stumbling back just in time for the Kaiju to strike again.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0447 hours

#### 

“O-okay, not having fun anymore!” Poe shouted, sparks flying. The cockpit was in danger of being breached and exposing both pilots to the outside air. Jagged metal parts were falling into the churning water below, mixing with the foam and the monster’s blue blood.

The boys were struggling not to panic. They had gone through this so many times, so many different battles, and yet… They had seen what happened to pilots who lost their partners. Each one of the pair would happily sacrifice themselves for the other and for humanity, but the prospect of being alone after all of this...

“That’s about enough of that!” Rose grabbed the microphone nearby, shouting right into _Stormwing_ ’s cockpit. The neural handshake was beginning to fray, the terror creeping into their thoughts. “You can do this, I believe in both of you! Don’t you let that bastard win!”

The most thorough of their system’s scans had just completed, analyzing the Kaiju from head to nasty tail. “It’s underbelly looks like a weak spot, see what you can do.”

“Yes, General!” The boys’ voices echoed through the speaker, Rose’s reassurance and Leia’s information reestablishing their precious mental link. They could not give up, not now. Not ever.

Leia stared up at the screen as _Stormwing_ regained its footing for - hopefully - the last time.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0449 hours

#### 

Thornjaw’s push forward was halted, and it roared in frustration. It shook its head, spraying blood from its injured mouth onto _Stormwing_ ’s arms, melting the surface. Alarms began to ring inside the cockpit as the shielding on the arms of the metal miracle began to fall into the water. They were more prone to losing an arm like this.

“I’d rather not repeat that experience!” Poe said aloud, reading his partner’s thoughts perfectly. It had been a painfully horrifying experience for them both, particularly Poe, whose arm had been torn clean off four months ago by Leafsplitter, a Kaiju that looked eerily like a praying mantis with many extra sets of limbs and eyes.

Thornjaw pulled its tail back and began smashing it into _Stormwing_ ’s shoulder blades, jolting the pilots and rattling their brains in their skulls. Water sloshed around them and they were continually aware of how close they were to the mainland. They almost pitched forward again, but steadied themselves by quickly stepping forward and wrapping their arms around the monster in a chokehold.

“Time for the Soufflé Suplex Slam!”

Ignoring the inevitable eye roll from Leia that could certainly be heard in space, _Stormwing_ ’s pilots activated the bracers on their Jaeger’s legs and feet, sending thick bolts into the ocean floor to stabilize the machine. Bracing the Kaiju under its foreleg, _Stormwing_ hefted the monster up into the air, its legs flailing helplessly, before bending backwards and slamming the creature through the water and onto the ocean floor beneath, exposing its soft belly to the sky.

Before it had any time to recover, _Stormwing_ ’s torso rotated 180-degrees, and began charging its plasma cannons.

“Did you ever dissect animals in school?” Finn asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” Poe mused.

“Yeah, me either. I kind of feel like I missed out.”

As the creature was scrambling to regain its bearings, the plasma cannons discharged, shooting a thick, orange stream of pure power into the monster’s underbelly. The plasma cut Thornjaw awkwardly from neck to tail, a cloud of deep blue erupting from the slash. The Kaiju screamed and gurgled.

Inside the control room, everyone cheered.

Poe cackled, agreeing with the thought that had just passed through his partner’s mind. He flipped a nearby switch and the Tesla cells that circled Stormwing’s wrists sprang to life, sending energy that could rival the worst thunderstorm crawling over their hands.

“Here comes the storm!” he crowed.

“I’m the storm if anyone’s keeping tabs,” Finn grinned as the electricity crackled and pulsed over their hands.

They disengaged the braces and stepped forward, grasping the Kaiju’s nearest foreleg with one arm and stepping on its neck. They knew enough about Kaiju anatomy to guess where the devil’s heart would be, and sure enough, something pulsing and blue-red peeked out from between its newly cooked ribs.

The monster screeched feebly as _Stormwing_ thrust its hand into the chest cavity and closed its fingers over Thornjaw’s beating heart, discharging an impossibly strong bolt of electricity that stopped it cold.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0454 hours

#### 

Cheers and screams of joy roared through the halls of Starkiller as _Stormwing_ defeated its latest foe.

Rey could almost feel the pulses of everyone around her and she briefly yelled along with them. A win was exhilarating, and she could not wait to celebrate with everyone else later. But her job came first.

Remembering the energy bar in her pocket, she pulled it out and rushed back to the _Cobalt Hammer_. There was work to be done - a lot of work - and now that _Stormwing_ was victorious, it was time to make sure that the _Cobalt Hammer_ was primed for its next win.

And it _would_ win, if she had anything to say about it.


	7. I'm On My Way To You, Chasing After Your Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which _things happen_...

#### 0508 hours

#### 

After a slow descent back into the hangar by the reliable Jumphawks, _Stormwing_ was stabilized in its designated spot post-battle. The roar of ecstatic crewmembers floated down to the Conn-Pod as it was hoisted back into the air by the guardrails that secured the Jaeger’s head.

The crew that was already prepared to assist the two pilots swarmed into the pod, cheering and high-fiving the two grinning men. Peeling off their drift suits, the pilots bid farewell to their crew and headed downstairs in the nearby elevator; there were a few people they had to see.

But first…

The elevator doors shut too slowly, and Poe all but jumped on his partner. Pushing him up against the wall, he trapped Finn’s lips in a searing kiss, hands roaming beneath the bomber jacket that he always wore. The jacket that was still Poe’s, and yet not.

“We’re in an elevator!” Finn groaned, feeling Poe’s hands find the skin beneath his shirt.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Poe reminded him as he kneeled down, trying to yank the other man’s belt off.

“...oh yeah. You’re right.” Finn’s face split in a grin, hand reaching for the emergency stop button.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0519 hours

#### 

Rose was on the floor of the hangar again when Poe and Finn stepped from the elevator across the walkway several minutes later. They were immediately swarmed by people and Rose grinned as they tried and failed to wave them all off.

Everyone loved them and why wouldn’t they? They worked so hard, her boys. They did not know much about mechanics the way that she and Paige did, but they took on an equally important role: morale. They took opportunities to talk to every crew member, speak intently to every fan, sign every piece of merchandise. They were social people, Poe especially so, and they knew everyone’s name. They agreed to interview after interview with every TV station and magazine that would talk to them - which had taken up much of their time until recently. The Kaiju attacks were becoming more frequent, and Leia had long ago forbidden media to come to the base. It was distracting, she said. Rose had to agree.

Finn broke off from the group as soon as he saw her. Poe, who generally enjoyed the attention a bit more than Finn did, elected to stay for a moment longer and talk to the lovely mechanics.

“I knew you’d come back,” Rose giggled, as Finn swept her into his arms. He kissed her face over and over, and she laughed again. “You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

Finn shook his head. “Banged up, yes. Lots of bruises.” He slid a hand down her arm to grasp her hand in his own, squeezing it gently. “But I’ll be just fine.”

“I’m fine too, thanks for asking,” Poe said, jogging over, shit-eating grin plain on his face.

“You weren’t even over here,” Rose scoffed, shoving him playfully.

Poe winced, hand flying to his shoulder.

Rose and Finn’s eyes both widened. “Oh no! I’m sorry-”

“Gotcha!” He cackled, straightening up and winking at her. Finn sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

“You get out of here,” Rose grumbled, as something in her periphery caught her eye. Something barrelling toward them at the speed of fluff.

“BB-8!” Poe knelt down as his corgi tackled him to the floor. The pup in question immediately began licking his owner’s face and wiggling with boundless enthusiasm, leash trailing uselessly in his wake.

Paige jogged up seconds later, huffing and wheezing. “He’s a lot stronger than he looks!”

“You sure are, aren’t you boy?” Poe ruffled the dog’s fur and he barked. Workers hurrying back and forth took a few moments to congratulate the pilots and pet BB-8. The dog was a mascot of sorts for them and he ate up all of the attention. And the human food. Poe took hold of the dog’s leash, intent on saving any nearby workers from the pup’s adorable wrath.

Rose laid a hand on Finn’s chest. “Paige and I need to go do diagnostics on _Stormwing_ and figure out what needs to be repaired.”

As if on cue, a distinctive chirp announced that Paige was getting a phone call. She stepped away from the group to answer it, then raced back with a bright, almost wild grin. “The shipment from Russia will be here within the hour!”

“Yes!” The group of pilots cheered. 

“We will be back soon,” Rose promised, giving Finn a peck on the cheek. She was about to turn away when someone near the _Cobalt Hammer_ caught her eye. “Oh wait!” she hollered, the noise echoing across the hangar. “Rey!”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0522 hours

#### 

Rey, who had been busily shuttling parts down the nearby stairs, stopped awkwardly at the top of the steps, tools in hand. She looked around; her name had come from somewhere...

“Rey!” The voice insisted again, and she turned to find the base’s four Jaeger pilots… just standing there. She had been so absorbed in her task, she hadn’t been paying attention at all. _“Oh god, all of them are here. Oh god, oh jeez. Did I comb my hair when I woke up??”_

The nightmare from earlier in the day had floated back into her head, now that the battle and its associated tension had disappeared. She could never remember this dream, only that she had had it many times since she was a tiny child. It always left the same empty, hollow feeling in her chest. Like she was alone.

Flushed with embarrassment, Rey set the supplies down near the steps and nervously approached the group. Paige looked far more awake than the last time Rey had seen her.

“Um, hello!” Rey said, giving them a half wave. “Manage to get any sleep, Paige?” The woman grinned and nodded in return.

“Finn, Poe, this is Rey. One of our newest mechanic transfers. From Tatooine, right?” Rose asked.

“Yes,” Rey nodded quickly, rubbing her hands on her work pants. They were dirty and not at all appropriate for meeting the pilots or - god forbid - shaking anyone’s hand.

Poe extended his hand toward her. “Good to meet you, Rey!”

Rey almost squealed. _“It would be rude to refuse his handshake, right? Right?”_ She raised her hands and wiggled her fingers in defeat. “I’m filthy, but it’s lovely to meet you too.”

“Nonsense!” Poe grabbed her hand anyway, much to her surprise, and she squeezed back much harder than she meant to. “That’s a hell of a grip you’ve got!” He said, winking at her. Finn rolled his eyes into next week.

Rey curled in on herself. Boys were not her forte. They had mostly been afraid of her as she was growing up, and she found many of them to be lacking in certain areas. She was not a stranger to male companionship, but never were her past partners as charming and well-loved as the Starkiller pilots. She felt quite starstruck. _“Pun intended,”_ she thought.

“Rey was highly recommended to us by General Hux,” Rose continued. “Their best mechanic.”

Rey raised an eyebrow at her. “I am one thousand percent certain he didn’t say that.”

Paige and Finn chuckled. “Please excuse our quick exit,” the former said, gesturing to her sister. “We have checks to run on _Stormwing_.”

“Oh, of course!” Rey said, as they turned away. “Um! If you need any help with its limbs, please let me know. They’re my speciality.”

Rose smiled approvingly. “We’ll keep that in mind. Thanks!”

The two sisters walked away, leaving Rey with the pilots of _Stormwing_ and their over-enthusiastic pet, who was suddenly intent on getting Rey’s attention. “His name is BB-8, right?”

“Yeah!” Finn said. “He’s Poe’s baby.”

“Yes you are, aren’t you?” Poe cooed at the dog, flopping down on the floor. “Here, sit! You can pet him.”

Rey sat, gingerly reaching a hand out to the happy pup. He licked her fingers and she giggled. “He’s so cute! I wish I had a dog growing up.” She scratched his ears and he closed his eyes in happiness. His fur was softer than she had anticipated. “I thought he was your service dog?”

“Emotional support companion,” Poe clarified, petting BB-8’s back. “It’s the only way Leia would let us keep him on the base.”

“How did you know that?” Finn asked, sitting next to the other two, effectively trapping the corgi in a triangle of scratches and pets.

Rey flushed. “I used to… collect information about the Pan Pacific Defense Corps. Including all of its Jaegers and pilots.” She smiled weakly. “I guess you could say I’m a fan.”

Poe puffed out his chest. “Why thank you,” he said, barely able to fend off a new onslaught by BB-8.

“Why is he called that anyway?”

Poe shrugged. “It was his identification code at the shelter. I couldn’t decide on a real name, and he answered to it, so why not?” The corgi flopped down on the floor, belly up.

Finn cleared his throat. “Do you think we should go debrief with the General?”

“Oh, probably,” Poe smiled, playfully jostling BB-8 around.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry!” Rey scrambled to her feet. “I have repairs to do anyway, you two should get going.” Both Finn and Poe began to interrupt her. She shook her head, “No, no. I insist. You both deserve to get your duties out of the way so you can spend time doing something other than getting beat up in a giant robot.”

Both of the pilots also got to their feet. “That’s fair, I guess. We should probably get checked out by medical, just in case,” Finn suggested.

“Oh fine,” Poe turned back to her. “It was nice to meet you, Rey.”

“Feel free to say hi if you see us around!” Finn said, waving as Rey began walking backwards, away from the two men.

“Will do!” She waved enthusiastically at them, then turned on her heel back toward the _Cobalt Hammer_. _“Why am I so awkward?!”_

She grabbed the tools and rushed down the stairs to hide her red face.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0558 hours

#### 

Paige swallowed, starting with, “Ma’am, it’s not as bad as we thought.”

Leia pursed her lips, ignoring the murmurs of the control room around her. And the son of hers still standing by the exit. “And how bad is it?” She almost did not want to know.

“With current diagnostics,” Rose said, showing the General the screen in her hands. “And with the new influx of workers, it should be fully repaired in four or five days.”

“How is the _Cobalt Hammer_?” Leia spun her wedding band around and around her finger, fidgeting.

“Actually, it’s close to operational already,” Rose said, pride in her voice. “Many of the new mechanics started in on her repairs as soon as they arrived yesterday morning. It will be able to be deployed within about forty-eight hours, if necessary.”

Leia sighed softly. “Okay. Okay, thank you ladies. You’re both dismissed, go get yourselves something hot to eat.”

“Thank you, General.” They saluted her, then turned away. As they walked out, Paige gave Ben a sad smile. Rose was very intent on taking a power nap.

Leia’s gaze finally fell on her son. “Have you seen the boys yet?”

Ben pushed off of the wall, coming to stand a comfortable distance from her, arms crossed. “No. I’ve been here since the battle began.”

Leia berated herself for not noticing. “Of course. Thank you.” She never felt comfortable with the title of ‘mother’. Not these days.

Ben nodded, scrutinizing the room. “Five days for _Stormwing_ is too long.”

Leia rubbed at her eyes. “I know. But it’s what we have. The timeline for the next event is further out than this one. The _Cobalt Hammer_ will be ready to deploy then.”

Silence descended as they collectively gazed out the window at both of the damaged Jaegers. And then, “...I am willing to try one more time.”

Leia froze, gazing up at her son. “You will?”

“Yes. Provided that when it fails - and it will - you’ll leave me out of it from now on.” His face was hard, unyielding. Angry. And sorry. For who, she wasn’t sure.

Leia’s face softened into gratitude. “Thank you.” _For giving up another part of yourself,_ she wanted to add.

Ben nodded stiffly. “For the greater good,” he mumbled, already regretting the decision, a headache quickly brewing behind his eyes.

“The day after tomorrow,” Leia said. “To give you some time.” She reached a weathered hand up to touch his hair and he shied away at the last moment. He nodded in response.

Leia smiled sadly at her only child and turned toward the exit of the control room. “I will be in a meeting in an hour,” she said to her son. “If you need me.”

Ben nodded, already dreading the trials. They would end in failure as they always had.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0612 hours

#### 

Downstairs in the hangar, Ben was on his way back to his room and berating himself for agreeing to yet another trial. They never worked, they only frustrated him and everyone around him. And it always, somehow, managed to be his fault when they failed.

Interrupting his thoughts, the sound of rapid footsteps reached his ears. “Ben!” Poe rushed up behind him, clapping the taller man on the back. “How ya doin’?”

Ben winced, not from pain, but from the surprise that was always Poe Dameron. He turned around. “Hello, Poe. Finn.” He nodded to the pilot’s partner, who was catching up to them both. “Congratulations on your win.”

“Thanks, man!” Finn beamed. “Did you see any of it?”

“I was up there the whole time,” Ben pointed upward at the large control room window that overlooked the hangar.

“Awesome!” Poe grinned. The pilots, who had divested themselves of one energetic corgi, had just returned from a check up in the med bay. Or so they informed him.

“I take it you’re both alright?” Ben asked stiffly. He was not good at socializing by any means and their infectious energy drained him of his own. He was already exhausted, and the sweat-and-oil smell of this place brought back nothing but terrible memories.

“Yep! Bruises galore, but nothing some time won’t fix.” Finn said. “Are you… going somewhere? Do you want to get food with us?”

“No, no. I’m not hungry,” he lied. “But thank you. I’m… glad you’re both safe.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Poe smiled, and the boys walked off to the mess hall. Ben turned to leave as well.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0615 hours

#### 

 _“This infernal cog had better come out!”_ Rey grumbled inwardly. It was not really a cog; she liked to insult the more frustrating metal pieces that way.

She had been assigned to repairing _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s lower extremities, and her fellow mechanics had divided the job from there. She chose the machine’s feet and there was also massive structural damage to the left leg from the previous morning that she wanted to tackle soon.

“A-ha!” She pried the cog piece out, sending it clanging to the floor. It was too heavy to pick up alone and too oddly shaped to roll. She had hoped that they would be able to salvage it, but that spark faded at the sight of it. It was misshapen and definitely no longer usable. She sighed. Perhaps they could use it elsewhere?

She put her wrench down, jogged toward the metal stairs that would take her up to the hangar’s ground level, then to Mechspace, and began to climb.

xxxxxxxxxx

He was not sure why he did it. Ben stopped at the exit to the hangar, then turned around. A nudge from the Force, something too complicated to explain, urged him to stay. To look.

xxxxxxxxxx

Rey dusted her hands on her pants, the set of stairs being covered everywhere by multitudes of debris. There were dozens of steps to the top and she was barely used to them now. Most of the crew that had crowded into the hangar during the battle had cleared out, to make room for those who were actively working. Many had vowed to fill their bellies and sleep, to be as prepared as possible when it was their turn to work.

She froze at the top of the stairs. The sound in the hangar fell away, muffled in the wake of some odd pull. There was _something_ here, something old and new and-

Rey turned her head to the left. Ben Solo turned his to the right. Light brown eyes met dark ones.

And across the vast expanse between them, they stared.


	8. Baby You Can Drive My Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are more shenanigans and Rey makes a decision.

#### 0616 hours

#### 

_“Isn’t that…?”_

He just stared at her. Wide-eyed and frozen. And she stared back.

In the back of her mind, Rey could vaguely hear someone saying her name. “Rey? Rey!”

The pull was centered on that man. The defunct pilot that she had seen in magazines and articles so long ago. The Force was not so much a nudge as an insistent push. She took a step toward him.

“Rey!” A hand tapped her on the shoulder.

The woman whirled, jolted out of her trance-like state, to face a fellow mechanic who had a question about the Cobalt Hammer’s lower extremity infrastructure. The mechanic in question was also new to the base and Rey hurriedly answered his question. He nodded his thanks and walked off.

Rey turned her gaze back to Ben Solo, but he was gone.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0617 hours

#### 

_“What the hell was that?”_

Ben rushed away from the hangar, flustered and panicked. _“Who is that girl?”_ A mechanic or some worker, of course, judging by her uniform. He had never seen her before. Perhaps she was one of the new staff that arrived yesterday? Regardless, his heart was pounding wildly, in a way that he did not like at all.

He hurried back to his room, shutting himself inside. The packed bag next to his bed taunted him, reminding him of the freedom that was now one step further away. He all but threw himself down on the bed, trying and failing to stem the whirlwind of emotions.

He had that dream again last night and now this girl… Ben could _feel_ something there. He had never felt that before, that strange push. A tiny voice in the back of his head gave credence to his worst fear, that the Force was behind this.

_“No,”_ he thought, pushing that train of thought away. _“There have been enough tests, I’m not compatible with anyone. That much is clear.”_ And yet, he was always caught between duty and his mother. He had to remind himself that she did have everyone’s best interest at heart, generally speaking, even if that interest did not extend to him.

Ben’s stomach gurgled, reminding him of the offer of food by Finn and Poe that he had turned down. He fished an energy bar out of his packed bag and chewed on its revolting, aspartame sweetness. A shower was in order, maybe a nap if he could manage it.

He sighed. _“Just two more days…”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0815 hours

#### 

General Organa had many things to do.

There was now a second Kaiju to sell off and a drift test to arrange. The anxiety associated with having no currently functioning Jaeger set her on edge. The timeline for the next Kaiju event was far enough off that they would be fine - but she did not like it. The older she got, the more she hated surprises.

She had called Phasma with a handsome bounty this morning. The Black Market master had dozens of buyers scrambling to purchase various parts and pieces of the Kaijus. The Jumphawks had a secondary use - to help with the clean up efforts post-battle. But she did not tell the rest of the military where the parts were taken. Funds would be a problem until the world decided that lives were more important than money.

After barely tasting her breakfast, she steeled herself for a day of negotiations and planning. The announcement for the drift trial would have to go out sooner rather than later, but it was something that would take some strategy. Leia would set the vid-walls up to broadcast the information about the trials to the base tomorrow morning, to lessen the potential distractions of Starkiller’s staff. She could remember many instances when it had not gone so well.

They had once opened the trials to the general public. It took ages and was too difficult to coordinate. And while she did not blame them for doing so, it was clear that many people lied about their fighting abilities and only tried out for the glory of being a Jaeger pilot. She had no patience for those people.

But she would tell the boys and the Tico sisters first. They needed to know.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1938 hours

#### 

Rey’s mind had been racing all day, utterly distracted from the task of repairing her assigned Jaeger. _“I had no idea that Ben Solo was still here… And what was that weird feeling? Did he feel that? Is that why he was staring at me? Why he disappeared?”_

It was only when she accidentally dropped a wrench on her foot that she resigned herself to taking a break for dinner.

She trudged toward the mess hall, still thinking about the strange circumstances, and ran smack into Poe.

“Woah, hey there!” Poe smiled. “You look terrible!”

Rey smiled despite herself, pushing thoughts of Ben Solo away as best she could. Running into people - both literally and figuratively - seemed to be a new theme with her. “Thanks. Just going to get food, I’m starving.”

“You should come eat with me and Finn! He’ll be here soon.” Poe’s bright smile made it hard to say no. “He’s just spending some time with Rose.”

“If you really don’t mind,” Rey said, ignoring the part of her brain that was fangirling over him. She loved all things Jaeger, but had not spent much time speaking to pilots at her old base. Not that they were unfriendly, but they did not always have the inclination to socialize. The taxing nature of fighting in a Jaeger often left them drained, but the pilots here did not seem to suffer from that particular malady. She wondered why that was.

“Not at all!” Poe grinned. “Besides, we like to talk to new people.”

Rey smiled a bit wider. “Me too!”

“Hey!” Finn jogged up to the pair, kissing Poe on the cheek. “Sorry I’m late, it took me almost fifteen minutes to convince Rose to take a nap.”

“Uh huh,” Poe grinned, raising his eyebrows in a salacious manner. “Suuuure.” Finn elbowed him, hard. “Ow!”

Rey giggled as Poe began enacting a dramatic death scene that Finn witnessed with resigned amusement. They were kind of adorable. “Hello, Finn.”

“Hello again, Rey,” Finn said. “Are you eating dinner with us?”

“If that’s okay with you,” Rey said, eyeing Poe’s sudden recovery with a grin.

“Sounds great to me!” Finn ignored his partner’s whining and started walking with Rey toward the mess hall. Poe quickly caught up with them, sticking his tongue out at Finn.

“How are the repairs going?” Finn asked Rey, walking to the back of the line. Their trip here had been full of people greeting and congratulating the pilots, so much so that Rey was almost embarrassed; she did not feel worthy to be around them, but pressed on anyway.

“Pretty well! I’ve got the knee down repaired on both legs. I need to figure out what else needs looked at.” Rey peered out at the sea of people in the giant mess hall. There were almost no places to sit at the moment.

Poe whistled. “That’s impressive. You’re really quick.”

Rey’s blushed. “Thank you. I’m really not, but I try.”

“You have a lot of experience though, right?” Finn asked. “Rose said you were from Tatooine, did you work on the _Dark Priestess_?”

Rey nodded. “Yeah! She was my assigned Jaeger for over a year. She’s still operational, last I heard.”

“How awesome,” Finn said, as they stepped up to the front of the line. They gathered their trays after briefly conversing with the kitchen staff and walked to a few seats in the back of the hall.

Rey tucked into her food with gusto, so much so that Finn watched her in amazement.

“Oh!” Poe said, talking to Rey around a mouthful of potatoes. “I have a secret for you, Rey. They’re having another set of pilot tryouts.”

“Woah, really?!” She almost choked on her soup. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah! Announcing it tomorrow. Don’t you know about the _Convergence_?” Finn asked.

“I do,” Rey said. “I didn’t know it was operational.” The _Convergence_ was a Jaeger that had been used and discarded ages ago. Due to difficulties finding drift compatible pilots - which were strongly preferred to have some type of fighting experience - the Jaeger had no active pilots in years. It was a special class of Jaeger, known as the Jedi Class, that had been specialized for multi-Kaiju battles.

Unfortunately, the cost of its upkeep and repairs far outpaced that of the other Jaegers, due to its design, and it had been placed on the backburner in favor of the more economical Jaegers. Between that and the lack of pilots, it sat unused in a far off end of the base’s hangar for years.

Poe lowered his voice to a sultry purr. “It’s tangentially operational.”

Rey paused. “What does _that_ mean?”

“It means that he doesn’t know,” Finn said, laughing.

Poe grinned. “I do too! Where do you think our money’s been going?”

Finn stopped, lowering his voice as well. “Wait, what? Seriously?”

Poe nodded. “Paige and Rose’s too. Leia’s trying to restore it. She seems determined. Two Jaegers isn’t enough for this place anyway. We’re too close to the breach.” He paused. “Coincidentally, don’t bring up merchandise sales to Rose any time soon,” he said to Finn. “We lost again this month.”

“Can anyone try out?” Rey’s mind raced off in a hopeful direction.

“I think so,” Poe answered, sipping his iced tea. “Though they keep pretty good track of past attempts. If you’ve done it before, I mean.”

“I haven’t done it here,” Rey said. “The _Dark Priestess_ needed a new pilot right when I starting working on Tatooine. I wasn’t compatible with the remaining pilot, though. Obviously.”

Finn and Poe gave each other a look. “You know,” Finn started. “You should definitely try it. We’ll come and cheer you on!”

“I mean, if you aren’t busy,” Rey mumbled, pushing her food around her plate. “I’m not sure how I feel about you both watching me fail.”

“Hey,” Finn smiled. “It’s not your fault if you aren’t compatible with anyone. And if you’re really uncomfortable, then we won’t watch. It’s cool.”

Poe swallowed the last of his food. “Besides, I don’t know how Ben would feel about us being there.”

Rey’s eyes snapped to Poe. “He’s going to be there?”

“Yeah, he’s going to be the person everyone will test against. He’s been a pilot before, it makes sense.” Poe drained his glass. “We,” he said, gesturing back and forth between himself and Finn, “Were discovered by random tryouts. Same with Rose and Paige. They have those every so often as well. We’re just… running out of time.”

Rey nodded. It took ages to train a brand new set of pilots, especially if they had no previous fighting experience. As far as she could remember, Finn was a scrapper and Poe had a past history with some type of martial art, as did Ben Solo. Paige and Rose both had almost two decades of experience each with both taekwondo and jiu jitsu. They had been a shoe-in for the compatibility test and had not let anyone down since.

“I can fight,” she said, more confidently than she felt. “I did it before, I can do it again.”

Finn grinned. “I think you should go for it.”

“Yeah, definitely!” Poe nodded. “There should be an announcement soon about where it’s being held. Probably in the biggest training room. One of us can show you how to get there, if you want.”

“Okay…” Rey took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

_“Let’s see what that Force push was all about.”_


	9. When You're Ready, Come And Get It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey starts some shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A “Dan” is the title for a high level of belt in taekwondo. “5th Dan” is a 5th degree Black Belt.
> 
> The taekwondo moves referenced in this chapter are real. This link can be used for a general reference, though some of the names are different: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Taekwondo_techniques

#### Day 4, 1324 hours

#### 

Two days had passed since Rey made the decision to attend the pilot tryouts.

They were in an hour and a half, and she was _ready to go_. She had been pumping herself up for this since she made up her mind. She sped around the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ right arm, putting the finishing touches on its beautiful elbow joint. True to Rose and Paige’s projections, their Jaeger was operational now, to be deployed if necessary. It was a load off many minds, including Rey’s. It gave her more time to decide how to approach the tryout.

Ben Solo had not been in the limelight in many years. The situation surrounding his exit from the Jaeger program had been hush hush, but Rey knew it had something to do with his old drift partner, Snoke, and the battle where said partner died.

Rey had no doubt it was a traumatizing experience. She had read psychological studies and papers on the long term consequences of the drift, but Ben Solo was not the first Jaeger pilot to lose a partner. The lasting effects were horrifying - she would be the last person to deny that some individuals had taken their own lives over it - but it was not the end of the world for all of them. Many were able to move on, either to find another co-pilot, or to help the cause in some other way.

It seemed to depend on the pilot’s attachment to their drift partner, which made sense to her. General Organa and her twin Luke had once piloted a beautiful Jaeger, the _Resistance_ , that had been lost in battle many years ago. In a rare interview with the two, they had both expressed deep feelings of gratitude that neither of them had died. To lose a sibling, a parent, or a spouse - she could not fathom it. And not only because she had none of these things.

The mumble of noise in the hangar set her at ease. Familiar sounds always helped, and today was no exception. Repairs were still underway.

Rey laced her fingers together and stretched, loosening the muscles in her arms. She had been stretching quite a bit the last couple of days and practicing manipulating objects with the Force. She paced back and forth across the metal rig, adrenaline snaking through her veins. She needed to be at the top of her game if she was going to take on Ben Solo.

 _“Can Ben manipulate the Force like I can?”_ she wondered. The Force determined drift compatibility between partners and some people were stronger in it than others. The abilities of Earth’s pilots was varied, but every pilot was Force-touched in one way or another. As far as Rey knew, from the articles and information she had curated for herself, none of Starkiller’s four pilots could use the Force like she could. But she was far from the only person who could use it in some fashion.

_“But if we’re compatible... What then?”_

As the _Convergence_ was being restored in secret, they would have a Jaeger to pilot. The thought thrilled her, but also made her nervous. She had never drifted with anyone before. She did not even know what that felt like, but she would not back down. She was determined to try out; even if she failed, at least she tried.

Rose had given Rey the green light to go to the tryouts, which she appreciated. She hadn’t told anyone - including the four Jaeger pilots - about the strange incident with Ben Solo two days prior, only that she remembered him from old articles. It seemed a decent explanation for them.

She peeked at the clock for the thousandth time today, then decided to give up and head to the training rooms early. She was too anxious to sit around and stew anymore.

Rey grabbed her staff from its resting place nearby. It was time to make her move.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1501 hours

#### 

Much to Ben’s dismay, there was a large turnout for the drift compatibility tryout.

Meticulous records for past attempts were kept so individuals could not simply try over and over again. Therefore, the numbers were… _doable_ , but as everyone filed in, Ben cringed.

He had been warming up for the past fifteen minutes or so, his _tahn bong_ resting comfortably at his side. General Organa was nearby, overseeing the fights. She never did much more than that; she knew that Ben could tell whether he was compatible with someone almost immediately, far quicker than she could. But he never did lie about it.

Ben wondered what order each individual would come in. It hardly mattered; this is not going to go the way that General Organa thinks.

xxxxxxxxxx

Rey shuffled into the room behind most of the group, trying to ignore their whispers and the rampant thudding of her own heart. Clutching her staff, she shuffled to the side, to better observe the fights as they occurred.

Across the vast training room, Ben Solo stood next to his mother, peering out into the group with disinterest. It seemed he had already decided the outcome of this trial.

Rey gripped her staff tighter. She had to know, to do this; the only way was confronting it head on. Resolute, she watched Ben step onto the mats, and his first challenger approach.

xxxxxxxxxx

As Ben expected, not a single one of these insufferable hotshots was compatible with him.

The number of people left was dwindling fast. He could take out any of them in moments, even without his _tahn bong_ ; as a 5th Dan in taekwondo, it was wholly unfair. He had been benefitting from the arts’ discipline his entire life. As a small child, he had disliked almost everything about it, yet continued to push through at the urging of his mother. He had come to peace with it as a teenager and vowed to continue his studies soon afterward. Perhaps he would go on to be a teacher after he left Starkiller behind.

As another failed attempt slugged off the mats, a small, feminine figure stepped forward. Holding a staff only a bit shorter than herself, she was wearing loose fitting, light clothes that would encourage a large range of movement. Her shoes and socks had been removed and she approached Ben Solo with a cocky strut, head held high. His eyes widened; he recognized her instantly. The Force began to hum.

Rey pointed at the abandoned _tahn bong_ near Ben’s feet with the end of her staff. “You’re going to need that.”

Ben straightened up, moving out of his guarding stance, muscles rippling. “I’m not fighting you.” The rest of the room’s inhabitants looked on with rapt interest.

Rey raised an eyebrow, smirking. “I didn’t think Ben Solo would be afraid of someone half his size.”

He narrowed his eyes, taking her bait against his better judgment. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Good, that makes two of us,” Rey said, and lunged, swiping the staff at his head.

Ben leaned back, ducking just in time. He immediately dropped back into his previous stance when he realized that she was not going to go away. She stepped forward again, sliding her foot toward him as she thrust the end of the staff into his torso.

He swung his forearm around just in time, smacking the end of the staff away with a middle block. He spun backward, his left foot pivoting in place to bring his right leg to Rey’s right side. He swung his right arm out to catch the back of her neck in a knife-hand strike. At the last moment she twisted right, bringing the staff up to neatly block his arm.

Ben jumped back. He would not acknowledge the surge of the Force that crawled up his arm, nor the hum of it under his skin. Ignoring the _tahn bong_ on the floor, he surged forward as she spun to face him, hoping to crowd her back and off the mats.

Rey was having none of it; she pushed back, hooking the end of her staff behind his knee and causing him to stumble forward. Convinced she had taken him by surprise, Rey arced the staff toward his throat, to claim a point for herself.

Ben managed to catch his balance just in time to block the blow and shove the end of the staff away. Rey circled him, forcing him to be the one who was closest to the edge of the mats. The Force flowed through her body, out into the world, then back again. If she managed to concentrate, she could _feel_ him, could tell where every step and movement would be.

Ben could feel his temper begin to claw its way to the surface, despite his years of training. _“Who does she think she is?”_ He crossed the distance between them easily, swiping a roundhouse kick at the side of her head. He followed immediately with a hook kick, but she parried them both. Growing more frustrated by the second he advanced, becoming more aggressive with each passing moment.

Rey was breathing hard, but refused to back down. She could tell his temper was getting the better of him; she could use that to her advantage. She continued to move back, away from him, to let him believe he was successful in his goal. Seeing the beginning to a move combination - one he had used in a previous fight - set her up perfectly. She slid back, further than before, and let Ben overcorrect himself, leaning too far forward.

She swung the staff up and tapped it hard on his left shoulder. “One.”

Ben saw red. He growled, crowding her even further down the mat. The other people in the room had fallen away, replaced by this slip of a girl who was _beating him_. He pushed away the thoughts in his mind, what this battle surely meant. He could not afford to be distracted.

Rey decided to do a risky move. She rolled to the side, staff still in hand, now positioned perfectly to strike at the left side of Ben’s torso. He slipped to the side just enough to dodge her, and connected a low roundhouse kick to the leg that was now extended forward. “One.”

Rey skittered back, ignoring the point and getting to her feet once more. It had been an obvious opening, she knew, but his moves were easy to read. She could tell he had little experience with fights outside of taekwondo sparring and rules, unlike her. But with his thorough experience in martial arts, it was likely he never had to do such a thing. _“Or he chooses the same moves for every fight because he thinks he’ll win regardless.”_

The second option seemed the most likely to her. He did not seem in favor of punching her, which she appreciated. She found - from personal experience - that punches actually hurt more.

Rey twirled the staff in her hand, looking almost.... Bored. She stared up at him, daring him to continue.

“That’s it,” Ben ground out between clenched teeth, no longer willing to play games with this girl. He advanced, blocking every swing of her staff. She attempted to sweep his legs out from under him and he elected to move back, rather than roll away. He was too large for that; it would take too long for him to get back onto his feet.

Rey grinned wildly, sweat dripping down the back of her neck. The Force danced between them, anticipating its moment of victory. “Tired yet?”

His temper flared again, this time boiling over into rage. Ben took two huge steps toward her in the blink of an eye, and twisted, pulling his leg back and launching the hardest side kick he could muster, square to her gut. Rey braced herself before it hit, holding her staff horizontally in front of her.

The crack that echoed through the room was deafening. And the Force roared its triumph.

The wood connected neatly - perfectly - with the bottom of his foot and she was _pushed_ back, across the mats. She braced her legs as she slid backward, refusing to allow herself to fall. She stood and peered down at her staff, now snapped in the middle. The wood was splintered, almost two pieces. She frowned, clearly upset at its loss, but tossed it aside.

Ben’s chest heaved. His eyes were wide, afraid. Like a shockwave, the Force had erupted from that hit. He felt it thrum in his veins; where he ignored it before, he could not now. _“We’re... “_

Before he could do anything else, Rey reached out to the Force and pulled the _tahn bong_ from its resting place on the floor near Ben’s feet. It flew across the mats to her hand, eliciting sudden gasps and sounds of awe from the people watching. She caught it neatly, then grasped the bottom of the weapon with both hands.

General Organa’s gaze had been fixed on Rey since she had walked onto the mats, and Rey knew it. The head of Starkiller was holding her breath.

Panic set in. _“This can’t be true, this isn’t real…”_ Ben could feel his mind peel away, fear pressing in on him from every direction. He felt dizzy, like he might be sick.

Rey advanced, cautious. She lowered the weapon. “Ben?”

He pulled back, moving away from her, eyes wide like a terrified animal. “This is over.” He turned on his heel and rushed away through the confused crowd.

xxxxxxxxxx

General Organa had been utterly stunned.

The shockwave - even she had never felt anything like it before. The Force had been a peaceful thing, when she and her twin were connected through it. But this was different; it was like a force of nature... She made a mental note to tell Poe that pun later; he’d like it.

Leia watched her son rush away, dumbfounded. She had not seen him that afraid in many years. She was worried for him - always worried - there was no denying that… but Ben and this girl were drift compatible. She could only hope that her son could master himself and conquer his past in order to do what needed to be done.

Rey turned and jogged up to the front of the room, pausing at the bottom of the dias that Leia was standing on. “General?”

Leia shook her head. “Let him go.” She gave her nearby, personal guard a signal and the woman quickly ushered the rest of the candidates out of the training room.

After minutes of confusion - and arguments from those who had not had a chance to fight Ben - the room was quiet. Only Leia, Rey, and the former’s guard remained.

“What is your name, young lady?” General Organa asked, gaze somehow both calculating and warm.

“Rey Jakku, ma’am.” She drew herself into a salute. “I was previously stationed at Tatooine and am now a mechanic for the _Cobalt Hammer_.”

Leia waved the salute away. “While I appreciate the gesture, this is a more… personal conversation, I think.”

Rey lowered her arm, befuddled. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You arrived a few days ago, is that correct?” Leia asked, motioning for Rey to walk with her.

“Yes, ma’am.” Rey paused, but General Organa only waited. “I arrived between the two most recent Kaiju battles. I was a mechanic for the _Dark Priestess_ while I was stationed at Tatooine.”

“You fight very well, have you done this before?” Leia nodded in the direction of the training room that their feet were helping them leave behind.

“Once before, ma’am. Unsuccessfully, as you may be able to tell.” Rey swallowed. “I… don’t know what to do now.”

“To be honest with you, neither do I.”

It was in the most frank, unconcerned tone of voice, and Rey couldn’t help but stifle a laugh.

Leia’s eyes danced. “Don’t you worry, young lady. We will figure this out together. He just needs time.”

Rey followed General Organa out into a nearby hallway that was almost deserted; she half wondered if it was reserved for officers only. “I could feel how scared he was,” she whispered.

Leia took a deep breath. “My son has been through so many things. He had convinced himself long ago that drift compatibility with someone was a thing of the past, for reasons that are not my business to discuss.” She sighed.

“As much as I would like to-” Leia stopped, catching herself. She would not go down that road. Not ever again. “This has to be his decision too. He may come to terms with it, he might not. If he does not, we may have to resort to more tryouts.”

“But what about the _Convergence_?” Rey said, then immediately clapped a hand over her mouth. “I mean-”

Leia chuckled. “You’ve met the boys. They’re obnoxiously friendly, aren’t they?”

Rey smiled. “I like them.”

“As one should,” General Organa said, passing through a doorway. Unbeknownst to Rey, they were reaching a crossroads where the officer areas and places for general personnel overlapped. The sounds of the hangar were muffled, but Rey could hear them again. Beautiful as always.

They briefly discussed weapons classes and - if Ben could be persuaded - Mock Pod drifting. There was much to teach her. After giving her personal contact information to the General, Rey cleared her throat. “General?”

“Yes, Rey?” Leia held her hand out, holding the nearby elevator door open. It would take her straight up to the LOCCENT control room, where she could disseminate information to the other branches of the Jedi Counsel about the successful tryout.

“I’ve wanted to be a Jaeger pilot for so long, but not at the expense of someone else,” Rey fidgeted, brushing her fingernails across her skin. “What can I do?”

“I would try talking first,” Leia’s eyes shown bright with mirth. “Perhaps if he got to know you, he wouldn’t find someone half his size so terrifying.”

xxxxxxxxxx

Ben slammed his bedroom door behind him, shutting out the noise and the stragglers who had followed him from the training room.

His mind was flying at a million miles an hour. _“How is this possible? I’m not compatible with anyone, I’m not…”_

He caught sight of the packed bag out of the corner of his eye - and felt nothing but crushing defeat. He began to strip off his sweaty clothes, anger at himself replacing fear.

He cringed at his actions, that he had caused her weapon to break. And it was hers; there were no staves like that here. He felt ashamed of himself, that he had lost his temper so thoroughly. She was tiny - as she said, half his size - and he attacked her like she was comparable to him, both in size and in skill.

 _“Skill…”_ There was no doubt she was skilled at fighting. But he would not allow himself to muse on the possible reasons why. She had no experience with fighting in a Jaeger; she would not be his partner. She couldn’t be. He resisted the strong urge to punch the nearest wall.

The Force continued to hum, pleased with itself. He hated it, tried to push it away… But the pull was back. The pull to her was impossible to ignore now, floating at the back of his mind, letting him know exactly where she was at any given moment. Through walls, floors, and air. She could certainly feel it too.

He could feel the threads of the Force between them tighten as he shook with rage. And it was the most terrifying thing he had ever experienced.


	10. Unbreak My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey does and Ben does not.

__

####  1829 hours

####  __

“You’re _what_?!”

Rey rubbed her arm, happy, but still confused about Ben’s response to the situation. She had found Paige and Finn eating dinner together and made the - now questionable - decision to join them. No one seemed to recognize her from her fight, but her clothing and hair had been changed completely since then; she had run back to her room before people could spot her and rumors could fly.

The pilots had been talking excitedly about the tryouts; it seemed that Leia had told them of the success, but not who had been compatible with her son. “I’m compatible with him. It’s me.”

Finn let out a whoop of joy, so loud that it echoed throughout the entire room. The few hundred crew members scattered around them were momentarily distracted until they realized just who made the sound. After a mixture of fond smiles and shaking heads, they returned to their supper.

“Tell me exactly what happened,” Paige demanded in a hushed voice.

Rey quickly recounted what happened during the tryout to the pilots. As she explained the moment where Ben snapped her staff in two, how the Force surged, Paige’s eyes widened. “And then he… left.” She paused, rubbing her knuckles across her pants, quite relieved that they still seemed all for it. “He’s terrified. And furious. I can feel it.”

Paige was staring at her with a mixture of wonder and concern. “Have you talked to him about this?”

“No,” Rey admitted. “Though that is what General Organa suggested that I do.”

Finn nodded sagely, wholeheartedly agreeing with his boss. “I completely agree.” He stood up, grabbing his empty tray. “I have a date with Poe. Is it okay if I tell him about this?”

Rey nodded. “Just… please don’t tell anyone else. Except Rose, of course. I’d like to keep it to you four. For now.”

Finn grinned and gave her a salute, then walked off.

Paige tapped a fingernail against the table, her food untouched. “You’re not telling us something.”

Rey swallowed, noting that her refusal to look at Paige likely gave her away. “I’m pretty transparent, yeah.” Against her better judgment, she told Paige about the incident two days prior when she first laid eyes on Ben Solo. She could see the gears turning in the pilot’s head.

Paige made a vague gesture to indicate the base. “Can you still feel him? Where he is?”

“Yes,” Rey answered softly. She knew exactly where he was at this very moment. If she followed the pull, she would find him. It was possible to block it out, but it took much of her concentration, and she was just too tired right now. She had not done anything after the fight except change her clothes and wander back to the Cobalt Hammer to continue her work. Leia had not contacted her since they said goodbye, but she imagined that the General would be working with her very soon. Perhaps as early as tomorrow.

“There is a hypothesis,” Paige began, now tucking into her food in earnest. “That because the Force is something outside of the drift, it can create a tangible bond between people. General Organa has never told me as such, but I suspect she and her twin, Luke Skywalker, share a similar bond. Such a bond would have only been strengthened by the fight you had. It may become even stronger after you drift with him.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I’d love to study you both,” Paige said with a grin. “Maybe when we’ve defeated these bastards for good.”

Rey couldn’t help it; she laughed, a full belly laugh that brought tears to her eyes. She felt worry and anxiety lift off her shoulders. Perhaps Ben was not willing to do this, but damned if she would not try her best to make him understand why it was necessary.

“I’ll talk to him,” Rey said. “After I finish this,” she added, pointing to her untouched tray. Her determination from their fight was back, coasting along, unhurried and ready to strike.

Paige smiled. “I will see if we can get a Mock Pod set up for you both soon. General Organa keeps them prepped, just in case.”

xxxxxxxxxx

__

####  1857 hours

####  __

Ben felt caged.

He dare not leave his room, lest he be overwhelmed by various members of Starkiller’s crew, demanding to know about the rumors that were surely flying at mach speed around the base.

They would be so much worse than the rumors that usually floated around about him. Those occurred in waves, often repeating over the course of several months. The tabloids had latched onto this recurring pattern and often wrote articles around his birthday, or the anniversary of the accident. For years, this is what he looked forward to. A routine disruption, planned anxiety attacks.

He sometimes wondered why he stayed this long. Spite? Hope? At this point, he wasn’t really sure. He was tired of being the laughing stock of the Jaeger world, tired of waking up to rage and failure. Surely there was a place to go where no one would know who he was. He had been looking for such a place for a long, long time.

But none of that compared to the fact that he could feel exactly where she was.

He could not see anything, nor did he have much context, but he could tell how far away she was from him. He could feel when she moved, when she stood or took a step forward. It was alien, completely foreign, and utterly disconcerting.

And now, she was coming toward him.

 _“Maybe she can’t feel it,”_ he hoped. He felt despondent, knowing that wasn’t true. This was meant to be the last hurrah before he abandoned this base for good, and now that was ruined by this… girl. He felt angry, furious, both at her and at himself.

Ben peered down at the packed bag next to his bed. Freedom was no longer an option. Yet again, he was trapped by duty. He resented the Force, for doing this to him. For giving him the one thing he had so ardently wished for, far too late.

His mind latched onto that train of thought and ran away with him. The idea of having someone in his head again almost send him straight into an anxiety attack. He had vowed never to let anyone in his mind again, no matter the consequences. The past was too painful to re-live, but would he even be allowed to leave now?

Taking deep breaths, he attempted to control his thoughts and slow his frantic heart.

As if on cue, there was a knock at his door. It seemed as though the universe had a sense of humor.

xxxxxxxxxx

Rey straightened her posture as the thump on Ben Solo’s door faded away. She had come right here after dinner, willing herself not to lose her nerve.

Moment passed. She could feel him there behind the door, could feel his movements. So odd, and yet…

The door creaked open.

Rey Jakku peered up at Ben Solo. The Force hummed.

Ben gazed down at the girl who had beat him. She was… smaller than he remembered, though he had not gotten a good look at her before; she had attacked him almost immediately. Her clothing indicated that she was a mechanic. She had probably never stepped foot in a Jaeger for battle. “What do you want?”

“I was hoping we could talk.” She held out her hand to shake his own, ignoring the voice in the back of her head that was very aware of his muscular form. “I’m Rey.”

Ben did not move, feeling his pulse throb in his skull. Whether by Rey’s discretion or not, there were almost no crew members hanging around in the hall outside his room. Those that were made certain they went somewhere else. “I have no need to talk.”

Rey dropped her hand. “Yes, you do. _We_ do.”

Ben bristled. “There is no ‘we’. I will not have some…” He gestured to her general, oil-stained state, “inexperienced mechanic as my co-pilot.”

“Excuse me?” Rey stepped toward him, a clear invasion of his personal space. He did not budge, glaring down at her pale face and soft, brown hair. “I know my way around a Jaeger, thank you very much. I have been a J-mechanic for well over a year and I was stationed at Tatooine before this, working on the _Dark Priestess_. I’ve seen the _Cobalt Hammer_ up close. I understand how all of this works.”

“You don’t,” Ben ground his teeth together, feeling the unpleasant whine. He could not have this girl in his head. No one could be in his head ever again. “Have you ever drifted with anyone?”

“No,” she admitted, tone even. “But I _have_ researched it extensively, over the last several years. I have collections of academic papers, articles, magazines, newspapers-”

“And none of it will be enough!” Ben angrily cut her off. “You have no experience, no formal training, nothing!”

“I can fight better than you!” She challenged, stepping toward him as he tried to turn away, into his room. Anger was something she was well acquainted with. They were old friends, they were. “You’re easy to manipulate and you let your anger control you.”

Ben stopped his retreat, glaring down at her. “What did you just say?”

Rey stepped back, façade dropping back into the casual tone of friendly conversation. “You see?”

Befuddled, it took him a moment to realize that he had proven her point.

“I can hold my own,” Rey continued, almost pleading. “You saw that today. I _can_ fight. It’s not the way you fight, but it’s still a skill I have. It took me many years to be able to do what I did today, which is something I think even you can appreciate.”

Ben glowered. She was not wrong on that front; learning self defence was a long, sometimes difficult road. “It doesn’t matter. We are not doing this.”

“We’re supposed to let everyone die?” Rey squeaked. “Really?”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “We don’t have time to train any new pilots. We need people who already know what they’re doing.”

“I think we’ve exhausted those people at this point,” she argued, frustrated. “Training new people is the only option now, you aren’t making any sense.”

“It doesn’t matter, this conversation is over.” The Force roiled around them, pushing them together as Ben shoved back to pry them apart.

“I can tell that you’re scared, and I don’t know why, but Ben-”

_“Don’t you call me that-”_

A shrill wail cut off Ben’s retort. **_“Warning: Kaiju event.”_**

Ben and Rey’s gazes snapped to the nearby hallway that lead directly to the hangar. A flurry of shouts and footsteps drifted toward them as the base began to mobilize.

Rey spared him one last look before running toward the hangar herself. “I’m going to go support Paige and Rose. Figure out what you’re doing.”


	11. Stop! Hammer Time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Paige and Rose bring the pain.

#### 1903 hours

#### 

Starkiller was a tornado of activity. Throngs of people were rushing around the hangar as the _Cobalt Hammer_ was preparing to deploy. The noise level had skyrocketed and Rey was bumping into people left and right. Four wheelers, which were often used to transport materials from one side of the hanger to the other, were herding people in various directions.

She skidded to a halt as someone behind her shouted her name. “Oh, Finn!”

Finn jogged up to her, waving his phone. “General Organa wants you on the bridge for the fight.”

Rey felt her heart drop through her feet in terror and anticipation. This would be considered the first part of her training, she had no doubt. Watching a battle in such an… intimate way. It was enough to make her head spin. “Is... alright. Okay. Can you show me where it is?”

Finn nodded. “Poe is already there. Follow me.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1909 hours

#### 

“So _then_ , I told him to-”

“Will you get _off_ the comms?” Leia shooed Poe away from the radio. Paige and Rose’s laughter echoed into the room from the Conn-Pod that was currently being prepped for them. Alleviating tension was among Poe’s favorite things to do. The crew in the control room were hiding their snickers as well.

“Yes, ma’am,” Poe grinned, careful not to make the same ‘title’ mistake twice. He stood at Leia’s side, peering out at the Jumphawks that were orienting themselves over the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s bulk. The Tico sisters had arrived moments earlier and were being strapped into their drift suits.

“Paige, Rose,” Leia said, “We have another category three, codename Honu. It appears to be a hard-shelled, quadrupedal Kaiju, but be careful. We didn’t have a good warning about the tail on Thornjaw, there could still be surprises.”

“Yes, ma’am!” The girls said in unison. Distal interfaces in hand, they were ready to go. The crew inside the pod scrambled out and sealed them in.

Leia turned to Poe. “Did Finn go get Rey?”

“Yes’m,” Poe affirmed. “I can’t imagine she’d refuse to watch.” He pulled out his phone, checking for messages. Nothing from Finn, but that was not necessarily a bad thing.

“She wouldn’t,” Leia said. She had not told very many individuals on the base who exactly had been compatible with her son. Only the four current pilots and the rest of the Jedi Counsel, which included her twin brother. Luke was apprehensive about the match, bordering on pessimistic. _“Such as he is, in his old age.”_ She chuckled to herself.

“General!” A voice called from the hallway outside the control center. “I found her!”

“Oh, speak of the handsome devil!” Poe grinned as Finn rushed into the room, Rey on his heels.

They halted abruptly in front of the General. “Hello ma’am, hi Poe,” Rey said, face flushed and panting; they had run all the way up flight after flight of stairs due to the elevators being packed with people.

“Good to see you again, Rey,” General Organa greeted her. She nodded at Finn, then gestured to the radio. “They’ll be deploying momentarily.”

Finn walked up to the radio, sides heaving. “Rose?”

“Hi sweetie!” Rose said. “You sound like you just ran a marathon.”

“Stairs,” Finn croaked out, by way of explanation. “Rose, I love you.”

“I love you too! We’ll be fine, don’t worry!” Her voice was brimming with optimism and energy.

“Well I feel a little left out,” Paige said, amusement in her voice.

The atmosphere in here was so different than Rey would have imagined. She would have expected caution and darkness; there was nothing here but light. Before any of them could stop her, she poked her head around Finn’s arm. “Well _I_ love you, Paige. I will eagerly await your return, my darling.”

“Who’s- Rey?!” Paige cackled, clearly taken off guard. “I am so relieved my affections are returned. We’ll have those nights in the country together, I promise.”

Finn sighed and shook his head. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only normal person here.”

Poe and Rey were shaking with laughter as Leia set the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s Conn-Pod down the guardrails to meet its body. It was time to kill a Kaiju.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1912 hours

#### 

As the _Cobalt Hammer_ was pulled up and out of the hangar, Ben poked his head into the room.

Poe and Finn were speaking in hurried tones to an inquisitive Rey. They were teaching her about various things in the control room, or so it appeared. He watched as she asked question after question, seeming to understand it all.

He couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Not only for her now apparent ability to pick up things so quickly, but for her fast friendships with the pilots. He had always been the solitary type, but never used to hate being around people this much.

The past changed you in strange ways.

As much as he wanted to avoid Rey and everything about this situation, he stepped into the room, settling at the back wall as he had so many times before. Rey was right about one thing: supporting Paige and Rose was important. They were still his friends and he cared about them, in his own way. Paige was closest to understanding him out of anyone he’d met here. He didn’t want to see any of them hurt.

General Organa did not react to him slipping into the room, or perhaps she simply did not notice. She was busy speaking in hushed tones to a few of the control room crew, who were attempting to obtain more biometrics from this new Kaiju. From what he could glean of their conversation, it was almost shaped like a turtle. He often wondered how these beasts were so different from each other, yet multiple analyses indicated that they were all the same on the inside.

He crossed his arms, watching the screen in front of him as Paige and Rose walked the _Cobalt Hammer_ out into the sea.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1919 hours

#### 

“A turtle?” Rose guffawed into her comm after listening to General Organa’s new information. “That’s the best they got?”

The _Cobalt Hammer_ was rapidly approaching the new Kaiju’s signal, but the beast had yet to breach the ocean’s surface. The Jaeger was mostly shiny and new, including its trademark blue armor, which pleased the sisters. They fought a bit more defensively than the boys did, but were not afraid to get their hands dirty.

“I think there’s a theme here, Fulminatrix was a crab-lobster… thing.” Paige, who piloted the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s left side, checked their radar for the sixth time. Honu was straight ahead of them and approaching faster than she would have anticipated. For a turtle, anyway. “Did you see they already made that fight into a comic book? I need to buy it when we get back.”

Rose nodded; Paige’s love of comics was known far and wide. Their shared room was absolutely littered with her collection. “I think this ocean theme calls for sushi when we get back. I want tuna.”

“Yeah, I can feel it.” Paige wrinkled her nose as the _Cobalt Hammer_ continued its stride toward the Kaiju. The neural handshake communicated a lot of things, including the occasional food craving. “I don’t understand how you eat that stuff.”

“With my mouth, of course,” Rose grinned. Paige rolled her eyes.

“Brace yourselves, ladies!” General Organa’s voice reverberated throughout the cockpit. “It knows you’re there!”

Seconds later, the creature burst from the surface of the water, bellowing a vicious sound. It was more akin to a tortoise, with a large shell and vice-like jaws. It possessed four darting eyes and several thick, short claws on each of its four feet. It screeched again, exposing its forked tongue to the air, and charged.

“Ugh, it looks even worse than I thought it would!” Rose shouted. The right arm of the Jaeger reared back and punched the Kaiju in the side of the head. The beast stumbled slightly, but its heavy bulk smashed into the Jaeger, sending the sisters stumbling backward.

“This thing needs to go on a diet,” Paige huffed. “It’s slow and heavy!”

The Kaiju snapped at the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s legs; its head was closer to the ground than most others of its species, due to its thick shell. Paige and Rose stabilized themselves, then grappled the beast’s two front legs.

It screeched and snapped at them, but the Jaeger’s arms were too far away to reach with its short, thick neck.

The crew in the control room watched as the monster expanded its throat and projectile vomited blue acid all over the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s forearms.

xxxxxxxxxx

“Girls, what’s happening?” Leia spoke into the microphone, shrill and frantic. Finn, Poe, and Rey stared, unwilling to even blink.

The sound in the control room had fallen away. The _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s armor was melting away into the sea. The radio had fallen to static momentarily, and then-

“We’re fine!” Rose shouted, slamming a button on the Jaeger’s console and jettisoning the armor on its arms. Most of the blue sludge went with it, preventing further damage. They shoved the Kaiju back, but failed to move it more than a handful of feet. “It’s too fat!”

“We have to use its weight against it,” Paige said, the left hand of the Jaeger reaching toward the monster’s face and poking it in the eyes.

Rose cackled as it shook its head in surprise. It bellowed again, pushing back against the Jaeger’s might with its full weight.

The sisters suddenly stepped to the side, letting the Kaiju propel itself forward. The _Cobalt Hammer_ grabbed the monster’s shell as it pushed by, using all of its power to flip the beast on its back. The crew in the control room cheered.

The creature roared and flailed, trying in vain to flip itself back over. Paige and Rose stood back for a brief moment, catching their breath. “Where’s the weak spot on this thing?” Rose asked.

“Wait, what’s-”

Honu suddenly collapsed in on itself, armor disintegrating. It thrashed out of its previously confining shell - now little more than crumbled clay - and flipped back over onto its stomach. It roared and rushed at the Jaeger, suddenly much faster.

“Woah, woah!” Rose and Paige raised their arm to block the monster’s assault, and it clamped its snapping jaws around the Jaeger’s right arm, tearing and pulling at the metal.

The sisters were violently jostled in the cockpit and Leia was saying something that they could not quite hear. In unison, they activated their favorite weapon - the hammer that their Jaeger was so lovingly named for. The left arm of the Jaeger morphed and took shape, smacking Honu in the face and cracking its jaw.

But the Kaiju would not let the other arm go. The sisters beat the creature’s skull in, blood streaming from its eyes, but it would not yield. Any attack from its blue acid at this range and the torso would be destroyed; it could be ready to spout the swill again at any moment.

“Wait for it…” Rose gritted her teeth as they played tug of war with this Kaiju. It continued to pull at a terrible angle, so off center that they could barely hit it with their hammer. She watched its throat expand and-

“Detaching right arm!” The sisters yelled, much to the dismay of everyone on the bridge. They did not wait long enough for the crew to change their joint mind; the right arm of the _Cobalt Hammer_ detached from its torso. Paige and Rose screamed in pain.

The beast belched acid as it stumbled back, arm in mouth. Paige flipped a switch and the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s chest began to glow a bright, searing red, its chest turbine pointed squarely at Honu’s head.

“It’s melting!” Rose watched the acid burn through the blue armor on the upper arm. “Let’s do it!”

Paige grinned, smashing the gorgeous button in front of her. “Flame on!”

The _Cobalt Hammer_ discharged a ball of fire directly at Honu’s head. The beast’s skull was enveloped in flames, sucking heat down its throat as it struggled to breathe. It dropped the Jaeger’s arm as it thrashed, flesh melting away down to the bone.

Moments later, the monster stilled and slumped into the water. Dead.

xxxxxxxxxx

The control room exploded into cheers.

“How… did they do that?” Rey whispered.

“There’s real cobalt in the more essential parts of the armor. Cobalt reacts with acid to form hydrogen gas,” Finn said, grinning. “And hydrogen gas is very flammable.”

Rey sagged against the console next to her. _“Too close.”_ But… they won.


	12. Oh, I Shot, Shot, Shot, A Hole Through Every Single Thing That I Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey is despondent and Ben does not apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter briefly depicts child abuse. It is not graphic and is italicized, should you wish to skip it.

#### 1947 hours

#### 

Rose and Paige were rushed off to the hospital wing as soon as the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s feet touched the hangar floor.

They had brought back what was left of the Jaeger’s arm, in the hopes that some of it could be salvaged. Rey had been one of the first on site to examine the limb; she was optimistic, but her time spent with it was cursory at best. There were other things that needed her attention; Finn and Poe had run off to the hospital wing already and it was Rey’s next stop.

She rolled General Organa’s most recent conversation with her over in her mind. Post-battle, while anxiously awaiting the return of the Tico sisters, they had spoken briefly about Ben after he had not-so-surreptitiously slipped from the room. Leia had advised Rey carefully about the minefield that was her son. Rey had known he was there during the entire fight - could feel his every movement - but she did not engage him in conversation. She wanted to push him, but the man was as stubborn as a goat. _“That will have to come later.”_

As she approached it, Rey noted that the hospital wing was annoyingly clean and smelled of disinfectant. She had never known any hospital that actually smelled like that, but the medical wing was directly next to the research labs, where experiments on all types of Kaiju tissues and byproducts were conducted. The Kaiju remains smelled more awful than any combination of cleaning products ever could and the hospital wing tried to drown it out as much as possible.

Rey managed to sneak past a few medical assistants and slip into the room where Paige and Rose were being tended to. They were perched on a white medical bed, feet not quite touching the floor. Finn and Poe were already there, as expected, loudly retelling the sisters’ battle to anyone who would listen.

Rey heaved a sigh of relief when the group noticed her and Poe waved her over. “You’re both okay?”

“Yep!” Rose beamed. Finn was gently running his fingers through her dark hair. “Lots of bruises, and I’ve got a cut on my arm. But we’re alright.”

“Speak for yourself, I have a concussion,” Paige grumbled, swinging her legs back and forth.

“It’s mild,” Rose elbowed her sister in the side. “You just have to rest.”

Paige blew a raspberry at her. “I hate resting.”

“Don’t we know it,” Finn mumbled, earning himself a shove from the older sister.

Rey cleared her throat. “So I took a look at the arm.”

Four pairs of eyes met her own. “And?” Poe asked.

“I didn’t spend long,” Rey quickly added. “But it looks like _some_ of it may be salvageable. There is less damage to the underside of the arm than you might expect. And because you manually detached it, the shoulder joint is still in good shape.”

Paige and Rose nodded thoughtfully. “We will take a look at it soon. Thanks for that, Rey,” Paige added.

“Of course.” She beamed. “It’s going to take a day or two to repair, but thankfully the arm was the only thing that was badly damaged. And _Stormwing_ is moving along at the expected speed. We may be ready to fight off another attack soon.”

“Perfect! This victory calls for a celebration!” Poe announced, smacking his hand on the bed.

“Oh god, please don’t,” Finn muttered under his breath, knowing that his love would do whatever he wanted, regardless. His previous celebrations had been… interesting.

Rose’s face lit up. “Sushi?”

“...I was thinking booze and cake, but that works too!” Poe said, grinning. “I’ll go see what I can do.”

Rey watched Poe leave and stuck around for most of the conversation afterward. The pervasive thought that it could have been much worse for Paige and Rose made anger flare in her chest. These four should not have to be the only ones putting their lives at stake.

She needed to find Ben.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2004 hours

#### 

It was frustrating that he could not hide from her.

Regardless of where he was, she could find him immediately by following the pull of the Force. It went both ways - he could tell when she was heading in his direction - but Starkiller was so big, it was difficult to tell if she was intending on showing up where he was, or walking around the base doing her job.

The bond was disconcerting, to say the least. He knew that’s what it was. A Force Bond. They were rare things, but occasionally documented in history. The Force was a ubiquitous power. It permeated all of life, connecting everything and balancing energy within the universe. Force Bonds were a command of fate, linking two people together forever.

He hated it. This was not supposed to happen.

Too late, he realized that she was truly headed his direction this time. He had been exercising in one of the offshoot training rooms, the one usually reserved for private sessions. Wall sits were exhausting and his legs shook as he tried to bolt from the room.

“Ben!”

He ignored her voice and marched off in the direction of the nearest door. It was in the opposite direction of his room, but he did not care. All that mattered was getting away from her.

Rey followed, reaching a hand out and locking the door from the other side with the Force as he tried to pull it open. He tried to unlock it, but it would not budge.

He whirled, staring her down with anger. “Unlock the door.”

“No,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. With her brown hair up in a ponytail, she was all business, somehow managing to be both soft and angry at the same time. The huge room echoed with their voices. “You and I need to talk.”

“There is nothing to talk about,” Ben ground out, teeth pressed together. His face was flushed, muscles shining with sweat.

“Will you please try the handshake with me?” Rey asked, dropping her arms. “Paige and Rose could have died. What are we going to do if that happens? If Poe and Finn get killed as well?”

He scoffed, a lock of his dark hair falling over his face. “It’s not my job to fix other people's-”

Rey shoved him back with an almost rib-crushing push of the Force. Ben’s back smacked against the door and he winced, eyes wide. “They are your friends,” she hissed, anger boiling over. “They will die, your mother will die, everyone on this planet is going to be destroyed if we don’t fight these bastards off.”

“Not my problem,” Ben huffed, stepping away from the door. She tried to pin him there, but his own mastery of the Force freed him.

“If you aren’t going to help, then _why are you still here?!_ ” Rey’s voice cracked as her anger drained away, replaced by pain. She did not understand this at all. They had a chance to save so many lives. Why wouldn’t he take it? He had a family and friends. She had nothing, and yet, it was her trying to convince him to do what needed to be done.

Ben glared. “That’s none of your business.” He stubbornly pulled on the handle of the door again; it did not budge.

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” Rey pleaded, almost frantic. “It’ll be easy!”

“It’s not easy,” he growled. “You have no idea what you’re asking.”

“Then tell me!” Tears of mourning danced in Rey’s eyes. “Please.”

“No. Now go away.” Ben turned and stalked toward the main exit without another word, leaving Rey to collapse in on herself in the too-big space.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2038 hours

#### 

“Are you surprised?”

“No,” Leia answered, sipping at her fourth cup of coffee this evening. “I’m not. I just wish I was.”

Luke Skywalker’s spacious quarters were off the research division, of which he was the head. He had sent for Leia after the _Cobalt Hammer_ ’s latest battle, before the vultures who bought Kaiju parts came sniffing around. Luke never shared any of his research with anyone outside the base, or so he claimed, but Leia happened to know that trading tidbits with Phasma was always on the table for her fellow Jedi Council member.

“I haven’t met the girl yet,” Luke said, sipping at his own drink and regarding his sister warmly.

“No, no,” Leia interrupted, knowing right away what her brother was alluding to. “I don’t think talking to her would help the situation. It may help her personally, but it will not help Ben. I think he would become even more defensive than he is now.”

Luke hummed. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

Leia smiled and it reached the crows feet near her eyes. “I’m never wrong.”

“Is that right?” Luke leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. “I distinctly remember-”

“Oh, hush up,” Leia said, waving him off. There were a thousand situations he could be remembering; many of which were unpleasant to recall. She returned the subject back to the task at hand. “I don’t know what to do about this.”

“This Rey… Has she given up?” Luke asked.

“Not to my knowledge.”

“Then there is hope.” Luke drained the last of his coffee. “We have to believe that.”

Luke had been bitter at Ben Solo for a long time. For years after the incident, Ben became more sullen, more violent and explosive. He had destroyed some of Luke’s research, nothing easily replaced, which had set the Jaeger program back a considerable length of time. The research in question had to do with Ben and Snoke, but due to its nature, Luke did not make an attempt to look into it again. And Leia had not pushed the issue.

In more recent years, Luke’s opinion of his nephew had shifted, though Ben still avoided him like the plague. Despite his altered attitude, Ben did not leave the base and continued to attempt to find a drift compatible partner. Those attempts had not been fruitful, but the boy got points for effort. “We have to believe in Ben, even while he doesn’t believe in himself.”

Leia nodded, somber. She did believe in him, but he didn’t make it easy. “I never thought my son would end up like this.” Regret often threatened to drown her when she thought about what had happened. It was enough to make her sick.

“We can’t change the past,” Luke murmured, taking his sister’s hand in his own. “I don’t always understand what Ben is thinking, but he stuck around here for years despite everything that happened. There has to be a reason for that.”

Leia sighed. “You’re right. As usual.”

Luke chuckled. “And don’t you forget it.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2345 hours

#### 

He doesn’t quite know how, but Ben knows that Rey is asleep.

Her presence at the end of the Force Bond was… quieter, somehow. And was not currently moving anywhere. He tried in vain to shut it off completely, but nothing worked. There were ways to partially block the two-way street, but no manipulation of the Force could alter the fact that Ben Solo and Rey Jakku were connected.

He had marched back to his room and shut himself in after their confrontation earlier. She had not come to his room again.

Ben lay in bed, staring up at the metal ceiling. The girl had no idea what she was asking him to do, but his pride would not let him tell her the truth: that he had never counted on this happening. He was certain that he did not have a partner waiting for him and that is the only reason why he proposed the tryout in the first place.

Surely there was someone else out there who was compatible with her instead. She was eager, full of energy. She glowed at the other end of the bond, like a beacon. A frustrating, stubborn beacon.

He must have fallen asleep, because suddenly-

_“Rey, how many times have I told you not to make a mess when you eat?!” A shrill voice pierced through the fog of Ben’s mind. He was standing in the middle of a dirty kitchen, watching a short-haired, wiry woman yell at a small child._

_The tiny girl couldn’t be more than six years old and she was crying, blubbering and covered in food. She was trying in vain to eat whatever was in her bowl, but her chair was too low to the ground, and it spilled all over her clothes and hair as she attempted to raise the spoon to her mouth._

_The woman, who had a cruel face and crueler eyes, swiped the spoon away from the girl. “That’s it, no more dinner for you! Go clean yourself up and go to bed!”_

_“B-but I’m hungry-”_

_“Messy little girls don’t get food!” The woman swiped the bowl away and dumped it in the trash can. The child cried harder as the woman grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her out of the room._

Ben bolted up from the bed, eyes wide and chest heaving. He looked around frantically, but nothing was different. It was quiet. Still at the base. Still in his room. Still alone.

He tried to calm his shaking hands. The angry woman had said Rey. Had that been some sort of vision? Or… _“Am I seeing her dreams? Her memories?”_

He had felt her anguish. Her hunger and pain and despair. And below all of it… A profound sense of loneliness so thick and suffocating that it sat in his stomach even now.

Ben gripped the edge of the mattress. _“If those were indeed memories…”_ He felt lost. He knew those emotions all too well. They were well acquainted and had been for many years. And would Rey want to know that he could see her memories while she slept? The thought troubled him. He would want to know if the circumstances were reversed.

...Would they be reversed?

The thought almost made him sick. He did not care for Rey, but she did not deserve to be subjected to the horrors that his brain cooked up every night. That much was certain.

He would have to alter his sleep schedule so that they were not asleep at the same time. He did not want to experience Rey’s nightmares any more than he wanted to experience his own. If he was careful, neither of them would have to worry.

Moments later, she was awake and moving around. Perhaps the nightmare had scared her awake? Either way, it wasn’t long before she left what Ben assumed to be her quarters. He sighed in relief. He was tired too, and if she was headed for the hangar as he suspected, she would be there for a long time.

Ben settled back onto his own bed, intent on getting some sleep while he could.

xxxxxxxxx

_Ben dreams of a desert._

_His limbs are small, his body once again reduced to the size of a ten year old. The wind roars around him, welcoming back its subject of torment. The desert sands hold nothing but dune after blank dune._

_The familiar ache in his chest is ever-present, pressing against his ribcage. He is afraid - so full of terror - but there is still something he must find here. He trudges through the sand, coughing as the wind shoves it down his throat._

_Will he ever find his way back?_

_He does not know where ‘back’ is, only that he belongs there. He is lost, drowning in a sea of sand. Yet he walks on, for there is a larger concern at hand._

_Someone is out there, alone._

_Out in the sands, he knows there is another person. Someone just as lost as he and he must find them. They left no tracks, no way to let him follow, but he knows. Simply knows. He must find them and let them know that they are not alone. It is his purpose._

_He crests over a dune and- there!_

_A figure in the distance, much too far away to hear, is slogging through the sand. Ben shouts, but no sound comes out. His heart races; he must get to them. He must, he must. He runs._

_The stranger takes a step and the ground collapses beneath them. They sink quickly beneath the sands, a phantom hand pulling them down. Ben screams, tripping over himself to reach them._

_By the time he does, they are long gone._


	13. Give Us Life Again, 'Cause We Just Wanna Be Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey sees things and Ben stops being quite so much of a jerk.

#### Day 6, 1912 hours

#### 

Two days had passed since Rey’s training room confrontation with Ben Solo.

She had been in almost constant contact with General Organa since then. _Stormwing_ and the _Cobalt Hammer_ were still being repaired, the former quite close to functional.

Another Kaiju attack was expected soon. Much to Rey’s delight - and a bit of pride - the _Dark Priestess_ had been moved from Tatooine to one of the remaining bases much closer to the breach, called Hoth, near Guam. The newest plan was to trade battles back and forth between the two bases for as long as they could. They hoped they could prevent any Kaiju from heading east toward the Americas with this method by cutting them off immediately.

She did not pretend not to be concerned about their dwindling resources. Including the _Convergence_ , there were four Jaegers left in existance. Scrambling together more Jaegers was both time consuming and drained their resources even more. General Organa had been spearheading research on how to close the breach, but Rey knew little to nothing about it, since some Kaiju fanatics were not keen at all on stopping the beasts; the program was very hush-hush to keep safety a priority.

Rey had been pestering Ben when she could. After confronting him in the training room, she had returned to her room and slept fitfully. A nightmare had dragged her from her rest and she had decided to return to work instead of attempt the futile.

Ben always seemed to have somewhere else to be and was getting good at avoiding her when he could. It was practically impossible to close the bond completely, but she had been practicing on dampening her end of the bond so she could approach him. It was a bit underhanded, but she did not particularly care.

She gave him brownie points for being stubborn. But she was more stubborn.

Rey stretched, feeling her shoulder joints pop. She had been working on the _Cobalt Hammer_ for the last eleven hours and some change. Rose had ordered Rey to bed after she had accidentally dropped the same wrench on her foot four times. She had grumbled, but Rose’s stern face was very intimidating. Rey usually did fourteen hour shifts minimum, but her boss was scary.

She was mindlessly chewing on a granola bar and flipping through the newspaper that had covered the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ most recent win. She had whined to Connix over the phone yesterday about missing her collection. Mail was not the most reliable system anymore, as it could be disrupted at any time, so sending it to her now wasn’t exactly an option. Instead, the wall adjacent to her bed was slowly becoming a collage of articles and photographs. Paige had drawn her a fabulous stylized pencil drawing of what Rey would look like in a drift suit; she adored it and had put it front and center, right on the wall over her head.

In the back of her mind, she could barely feel Ben. _“He must be asleep,”_ she thought. Her own exhaustion barely registered anymore, but she did not deny that sleep was a necessary evil. Rey shuffled to the bathroom to brush her teeth, then returned to her bed. The cat that had previously visited her was nowhere to be found, but she was not surprised. There were many people to steal food from, after all.

Rey threw the covers over her and flipped the lightswitch near her head. She laid her head on her pillow for what seemed like just a moment, and then-

_Someone was in her head._

_A male voice, bitter and insistent, pushed against her mind. Flashes of unintelligible words and emotions rocketed through her. Her heart was pounding harder than she had ever felt before, her limbs strangely sluggish and heavy. She felt something sitting on her head and struggled to open her eyes._

_Her vision was blurry, but there was a man in her face. A man with cruel features and scarred skin. He was talking, but she could barely hear him over the throbbing pain in her head._

_“Stop resisting it!” The man ground his teeth together. “This is for the good of humanity!”_

_Rey’s eyes caught sight of her arms, except they were not her arms. But she recognized them all the same._

Rey shot out of bed, heaving in terror. She blindly reached for her lightswitch and flipped it on after three attempts. Her skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, comparable to the hours and hours of work she had put in not that long ago. _“What was…?”_

She recognized the man in the dream from many years ago. It was Snoke, Ben’s old drift partner. She had collected articles about him as well, though she had always disliked his interviews. He was too full of himself. Too smug. And that nightmare was far too vivid to be anything but a true experience.

Rey rubbed her eyes, breathing hard. She was still tired - she had been asleep for only a few minutes - but there was no way she could sleep now. That dream was not hers, those memories not hers. They could only belong to one person.

She climbed out of bed and quickly reached for a clean set of clothes. If he was having that nightmare right now, she had to wake him up.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1921 hours

#### 

“Ben!” Rey rushed up to his door, pounding on it with her fist. The metal echoed and hurt her hand, but she persisted. “Ben, wake up!”

Mere seconds later, the door was thrown open. Ben was there, wide-eyed and terrified. His bare, heaving chest calmed as soon as he recognized who was there. “Rey? What are you-”

“Did that really happen?” She gazed up at him, fists clenched at her sides. The fear she had felt in the dream was swarming around him even now. It drifted through the bond, hot and dark, and she resisted the urge to shudder.

“...what?”

“You were having a nightmare. I saw it,” she breathed.

Ben cursed. Why wasn’t she working right now? He had nicked her list of work hours from the master schedule that Paige kept handy. “You weren’t supposed to.”

“Wait a second, you knew that might happen?” She grabbed the door as he tried to shut it again.

“You weren’t supposed to be asleep,” Ben ground out. This wouldn’t do; he would have to adjust his sleeping schedule again to accomodate a larger variety of variables.

“Hold on, how did you know that was going to happen?” Her eyes widened in recognition and horror. “Did you see-”

“Yes,” Ben snapped at her, eyes narrowing. “I saw one of your nightmares. That’s how I know.”

Rey felt all the air leave her lungs. The thought that he had seen - or felt - what she had... It made her feel sick. “I’m sorry,” she croaked.

Ben furrowed his eyebrows, confused. “Why?”

“You shouldn’t have had to see that. Or feel it,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Ben straightened up and looked at her. _Really_ looked at her. She was physically and mentally exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, and she was spending her time trying to make _him_ feel better. “Did you wake me up because of that?”

“Yes,” she said, and her face was purest truth. It almost hurt him to look at it.

He swallowed, then nodded. “...thank you.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Rey said, taking a small step toward him. She met his dark gaze as he watched her. “I’m not. I don’t care what happened before.”

Ben let his hand drop from the door. “I care what happened before.”

“Then tell me.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1947 hours

#### 

Rey and Ben were sitting in an alcove on the floor in the training room, the former inhaling the food that she had retrieved from the mess hall for them.

“Did you not eat before you went to sleep?” Ben asked, stunned.

“Of course I did,” Rey said, around a mouthful of pasta.

Ben poked at his own plate. He had managed to eat about half of it, but found that he was no longer hungry. He rarely was anymore. He offered the rest of his plate to Rey, remembering the nightmare of hers that he had seen.

She grinned and took it, wolfing down the rest.

Among the chewing and swallowing, they fell into an almost companionable silence. Rey did not want to push him; she remembered how that had turned out last time they were here. She had run from this place and cried herself to sleep. It was no wonder she had a nightmare that night.

“Who was she?” Ben murmured, daring to speak first.

“Oh,” Rey said, realizing which nightmare he must have seen. “My foster mom. I was… six. I think. We lived in Albuquerque.”

“Ah,” he said, awkwardly shifting his legs on the mats.

“Yes, I’m an orphan,” she said, sensing what he wanted to ask through the bond. “My parents signed away their rights to me when I was three. I don’t really remember them.”

That revelation hit Ben harder than he would have thought. “They just gave you away?”

“Mmhmm,” Rey nodded, sopping up the last of her pasta sauce with some bread. “I bounced from foster home to foster home. Not everyone was as mean as that woman. But most of them weren’t great.”

This feeling was utterly foreign to Ben. As a child, he had always been surrounded by family and friends that loved him. He had never been alone if he didn’t want to be. He shook his head. “I’ve lived my whole life on military bases, always with my... family. I can’t say I understand that mindset.”

“Me neither,” she replied, stuffing her face with the last piece of bread. It struck her that it was nice to talk to someone - despite how much she loved them - that wasn’t the Starkiller pilots. They had taken her in without preamble and she adored each one of them, but sometimes she preferred a… calmer atmosphere. Ben seemed to have that, somehow, despite the man not being calm himself.

“What… exactly did you see?”

Rey cleared her throat. “It wasn’t a lot. But you were… You had something on your head. And… Snoke was there.” She glanced at him, but he did not respond to his ex-partner’s name. “He was yelling at you about something. I didn’t see enough of it to know what it was.”

Ben nodded. She did not know much, which filled him relief. “It was a… drift compatibility test.” It wasn’t quite a lie; she didn’t need any context and he was unwilling to offer it. “I hadn’t drifted with anyone before.”

“I can understand being scared,” she offered. She noted that his voice was particularly soothing when he wasn’t angry. “The idea scares me too.”

Ben shook his head. “It’s more than that. Having someone else in your head is… horrendously intimate. You learn things that you never wanted to know about the other person. And just because someone is drift compatible, doesn’t necessarily mean you want to drift with them.” He felt uncomfortable opening up to someone like this. He hadn’t spoken to anyone like this - about this - in many years.

Rey nodded. “I understand. But… We kind of already have something like that.” She tapped a finger on the side of her head. She wondered just how deep the force bond went.

“Yeah…” Ben trailed off. He hated the force bond with every fiber of his being. It made him feel responsible for so many things. He had wanted this so badly in the past. Having it now was the worst possible timing.

They trailed off into silence.

“...I’d like to go back to sleep now,” Rey yawned.

Ben nodded. “I’ll stay awake for a while.” He felt the itch to walk onto the mats and go through his kicks and forms.

“Are you sure?” She stood, taking the disposable dishes in hand.

“Yes,” he stood, stretching an arm across his broad chest. “I want to practice.”

“...okay. I’m scheduled again in the early morning. I know that’s a long time for you to stay awake-”

“I will be fine,” he answered, rolling his head from side to side. “I’m used to it.”

“Okay.” She paused. “Okay. Thank you.” She turned away, heading for the door.

“Rey?”

She looked back as he was stepping toward the middle of the room. "Yes?"

“I’m sorry.”

Rey cracked a smile. “Me too, Ben.”

xxxxxxxxxx

_Rey dreams of an ocean._

_The person that she needs is there, just out of reach. It is dark, the night suffocating, but though she cannot see them, she knows that they need her help. The pale moon does not shine above her head._

_She swims toward them, the ache in her chest her compass. She is a tiny child yet again and her limbs do almost nothing. The person is drowning - she can feel it - and bile rises into her throat. This is her responsibility. The only goal she has, the only thing she has to do._

_They are dying._

_She flails in fear, trying to reach them before they sink beneath the unforgiving waves. But she is in just as much danger as they are; the black water wraps her in cold, in death. It takes her breath away and she chokes, sputtering at the taste of salt._

_She can feel them slip beneath the waves and she screams._


	14. I Don't Know How To Hold Your Hand So That I Don't Break It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben finally does and Rey is furious.

#### Day 7, 1524 hours

#### 

Rey watched as the _Dark Priestess_ crumbled into the sea.

Mere hours after being transferred to Hoth base near Guam, a category three Kaiju emerged from the breach and the _Dark Priestess_ had been deployed. The Jaeger - _her_ Jaeger - had fought valiantly against the beast. The creature had torn them apart piece by piece, losing both arms in one violent attack.

The Kaiju, nicknamed Virago, was a bird-like creature with talons and large wings. It shredded the Dark Priestess from neck to groin, claws raking down the machine’s torso.

It’s final mistake came when the Kaiju clamped its four-pronged beak around the Jaeger’s head. As the Conn-Pod was crushed with its pilots inside, they activated the _Dark Priestess’s_ most useful weapons - the dozens of missiles that crowned its head. They shot down Virago’s throat, exploding in its stomach, killing the creature from the inside out. It collapsed into the ocean, beak still gripping the _Dark Priestess’s_ crushed Conn Pod, dragging the Jaeger beneath the waves.

If the pilots were not already crushed to death, the water would take them. A rescue mission at this point was futile.

Rey’s hands were bone white around her wrench as she clutched it to her chest. The dozens of crewmembers around her, all of whom were staring up at the same screen she was, did not feel like celebrating.

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, knowing who would be calling. She pulled the device out and hit the green button. “Hey, Connix.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1649 hours

#### 

“Ben, _please_.”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. She was nothing, if not persistent. “Rey-”

“Were you not on the bridge earlier? The _Dark Priestess_ was destroyed. We are all that’s left!” Rey felt panicked and couldn’t decide what to do with her hands, wringing them together nervously. She felt his eyes tracking her as she walked from one end of the room to the other. It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, if she was being honest with herself. “I don’t want anyone else to die.”

“What makes you think it's our responsibility anyway?” Ben asked. He wasn’t sure at what point she stepped into his room, but she was here now, and it was clear she wasn’t going anywhere. He stood near the door, clearly uncomfortable.

“Wha- How can you say that?” She furrowed her brows, flinging anger across the force bond at him. “Do you really think everyone deserves to die?”

“No,” he said, and he was telling the truth. “But this is how life happens. The food chain is just being subverted.”

Rey threw up her arms and let out a noise of disgust. “All other life deserves to live too, Ben. Whatever these things are, they’re hellbent on killing us. Who knows where they came from? We might not be the only planet they’ve attacked.”

Ben sighed. She was so optimistic, pacing back and forth. He could at least respect her anger, in a strange way. “That may be so.”

“No one should have to die,” Rey said, glaring at him and stomping her foot. “Not if they don’t want to. And if you aren’t going to pilot that Jaeger with me, then I’m going to do it by myself.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Is that supposed to be some sort of blackmail?”

“That implies that you care about anyone other than yourself,” she sneered, turning on her heel and stalking toward the open door.

Ben took a giant step and put himself in front of Rey, glaring down at her bitterly. “You have no idea what I care about.”

“How could I? It’s not like you’ve told me,” Rey returned his gaze with equal anger. The force bond between them was roiling, pushing toward one another in both directions. “All you care about is protecting yourself. And you know what!” She reached a hand out, poking him in the chest to make her point. “If I had a mother, and a family that cared about me, I would do whatever I could to protect them. But I don’t, and I’m doing this anyway. So what does that make you?”

Ben ground his teeth together. “Don’t you-”

“You’re a coward! The only way you fail is if you give up,” she said, dropping her hand. “And I’m not giving up.”

He felt so much bitterness and spite toward her. He didn’t appreciate being forced into things. _“Not that I’ve given her a choice,”_ he thought. It reminded him of past events. “You don’t know what you’re asking. You don’t know what I’ve gone through. It could bleed through the drift.”

“I don’t care. I’m strong enough to take it.” Rey turned to walk around him. “This is about saving people who don’t deserve to die. It’s the right thing to do, Ben. Whether you think so or not.”

Ben stepped away from the door to let her out. This was a terrible idea, he would hurt her, but- It was her choice, in the end. He couldn’t make it for her. “Fine.”

Rey froze, eyes snapping to his face. “Really?”

“Yes. Once,” he said, adding the caveat. “We will try once.”

Rey’s face lit up, grinning like a fiend. “When?”

“Tomorrow,” he murmured, looking away. Her hopeful gaze was painful to see; he knew she would be disappointed. “But no one knows. Minimal staff for the Mock Pods.”

“Yes!” Rey said. “I’ll talk to Paige. She’ll make sure of it.”

Ben nodded, already regretting the decision. Agreeing to things he didn’t want to do had been getting him in trouble lately; that’s how he ended up with Rey in the first place. “Alright. Let me know when.”

“I will. Thank you,” she said, relief shining in her eyes.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### Day 8, 1346 hours

#### 

The Mock Pod test had come too soon.

Ben was pacing around the adjacent control room, which was much smaller than LOCCENT and was located in a different part of the hangar. Paige was present, as were a few crew members who were sworn to secrecy about the test. The pilot had vetted the staff herself and was satisfied with their trustworthiness.

Rey bounded into the room, filled with nervous energy. She could feel that Ben was a coiled spring of anxiety and fear. Tentatively, she brushed against his mind through the force bond, trying to soothe him. He shut her out instead, cold walls meeting her warm touch.

She huffed at him, then turned to Paige. “Hello,” she smiled, nervous. “Thanks for this. It means a lot.”

“You’re very welcome,” Paige said, returning the smile. They both understood the stakes here, but it was too late to turn back now. “We need to get you both suited up.”

xxxxxxxxxx

Ben’s old drift suit had been kept in storage for years, much to his chagrin. At Paige’s behest, it had been cleaned up and oiled. She had also dug a suit out for Rey that was approximately her size. Rey stared at it for several moments before putting it on.

The few crewmembers helped the two potential pilots climb into their suits and get locked into the Mock Pod. It was an old machine, but still fully functional. Rey could remember what most of the tech was for, as she had studied many a Conn Pod in the past. Mock Pods were built to mimic real Pods as closely as possible, to help facilitate the transition to a real Jaeger. Rey noted the differences between this Mock Pod and _Stormwing’s_ Conn Pod, which the boys were all too happy to show her the other day when she’d asked.

Rey could feel that Ben was almost trembling as she was strapped into the left side of the Pod. Again, she tried to calm him.

“Rey-”

“You have to be open,” Rey said gently. “I know you know that. But this won’t work unless you let it.”

Ben clenched his fists. This was the most terrifying thing that he had done in years. He felt the walls of the Pod pressing in on him already and Rey’s presence did not make him feel any better. Only worse. He felt sweat already pooling on his skin as he stepped into the footholds on the right side of the Pod.

The Mock Pod whirred to life.

Ben’s heart started beating wildly. In his terror, Rey was able to wheedle under the wall he had put down to block her out. She soothed his fear as best she could, gently pushing away the negative emotions that threatened to drown him. “It’s okay,” she murmured. “I’m here. There's nothing that will hurt you.”

Against his better judgment, Ben grasped onto Rey’s mind, holding firm. If he was going to do this with her, at least one of them was sure about it.

“Alright,” Paige’s voice echoed through the Pod’s speakers. “As a review for Rey, you need to stay calm. Breathing together will help the link stabilize. It will feel very strange at first, but the more you do it, the most comfortable you’ll be. And despite some fears and rumors to the contrary, you’ll still be yourself when you come out.”

Rey took a deep breath. “Okay. I’m ready when you are.”

Ben swallowed thickly. “Ready.”

“Okay,” Paige flipped a switch on the control panel in front of her. “Initializing neural handshake.”

The Mock Pod began to vibrate beneath their feet. Rey peered through her mask at Ben, who looked sickly and pale. His suited form towered over her, yet she could feel his fear as if it were her own. What would the drift do to this connection? “We’re gonna be fine!” she said, more confident than she felt.

He merely nodded and closed his eyes.

She followed suit, trying to sync their breathing.

“Here it comes…” Paige’s voice started to fade, becoming more and more quiet. “3… 2… 1… drift initiated!”

xxxxxxxxxx

Rey felt like she had been dunked in a tank full of icy water.

She felt their two minds meld together, an extension of the force bond that already existed between them. The handshake broke down the natural barriers that separated them and pushed them together as one.

Vaguely, she could hear Paige’s voice somewhere outside the drift. “A little shaky you two, try to center yourselves.”

Rey could feel and see flashes of Ben’s memories. She could see herself through his eyes, feel the negative emotions he had toward her in the past. But those feelings were nothing compared to how he was feeling now.

“Ben? Ben!” Paige’s voice echoed through the drift again. The ex-pilot’s side of the Mock Pod was destabilizing fast, alarms ringing out through the control room. “Don’t you chase the rabbit, Ben! Rey, calm him down!”

Rey felt her veins go cold. ‘Chasing the rabbit’ was drift slang for getting lost in one's own memories. It often happened when unstable or inexperienced individuals went into the drift. The thoughts would drag them away, put them back where they were when the event in question happened. Would she end up living Ben’s past?

“Ben!” Rey’s voice rang out through the Pod. “I’m here, it’s okay! You don’t have to be afraid!”

Ben’s eyes were glazed over, staring at a point far in the distance that Rey could not see. She felt his emotions tank, pulling her down with him into a well of panic.

xxxxxxxxxx

_“You are weak,” Snoke spat, throwing the headset at Ben._

_Rey could see - feel - their surroundings. This was a much younger Ben, one with less anger and more trepidation. She was standing in a… lab? It was uncomfortably warm here. She looked around, positing that this must be where General Organa’s twin brother had performed his research long ago._

_“I’m not!” Ben countered, pushing the headset back at Snoke. “Let’s do it again.” He was coated in a sheen of sweat, more shaky than Rey had ever seen him. He looked so… different._

_“You must master your fear,” Snoke said. “You must give all that you have.”_

_“I will,” Ben said, adjusting his own, matching headset. Rey could tell he was exhausted and in pain. The edges of her vision were blurry; she could not see much beyond Snoke and Ben._

_“Alright, again,” Snoke placed the headset back on his own head. “Don’t fail this time.”_

_Ben nodded, closing his eyes. Snoke reached out and flipped the switch on the nearby machine that connected the two headsets. The two of them slipped into the drift together._

_Rey felt herself pitch sideways, tumbling to the floor. A pain like she had never felt before split her skull, pulling her apart at the seams. She held her head in her hands, a scream crawling its way up her throat. She pulled her gaze from the floor and beheld Ben, whose shout echoed the one that was building in her chest._

_“He’s in pain,” she thought, gasping. “The drift shouldn’t hurt like this.”_

_“Let go!” Snoke growled, holding onto his faculties remarkably well. He pushed further into Ben’s mind, shredding what few things Ben had erected to block him out._

_It was then that Rey noted the older man’s reaction; he did not appear to be in any pain at all. In fact, he almost… enjoyed this. She felt Snoke tear into Ben’s mind, pulling and moving and… shaping. Snoke was torturing him._

_She felt like she was going to be sick. The Force was heeding Snoke’s beck and call, turning Ben into something… else. She wasn’t sure what, but it wasn’t good._

_She could feel Snoke’s power in the Force, leaching into Ben’s mind. He learned some things from Snoke - she could tell - and she found that taking those things for herself was as easy as breathing._

_Another man’s voice, from somewhere far off, was saying Ben’s name. “You have to do this, Ben. It’s for the greater good.” Rey vaguely registered that this was Luke Skywalker’s voice; she had heard it in podcasts and interviews so many times. “You must. There is no choice.” He was insistent, pushing Ben into this pain. She felt a rush of hatred for the man spread through her entire body._

_“Ben!” she shouted, heaving herself up from the floor. She had to snap him out of this; she could feel his rage and pain, and behind it, so much sorrow and inadequacy. He felt like a failure for not being able to do this. Failing his family, his planet. The emotional turmoil almost broke her heart._

_“I feel it too!” She yelled at him, vision blurring further, almost blocking him out completely. Her own head felt like it would explode from the pressure at any second. “But I’m not afraid! I just want to help!”_

_She took a step toward the two figures, who were so real she felt like she could touch them. The pain she felt was raw and unforgiving. She stumbled forward, tears streaming down her face. “Ben! Ben, please!”_

_She grabbed his arm and shook. His eyes shot open and met her own. “...Rey?”_

_Rey felt a jolt as she was pulled from Ben’s mind and the handshake abruptly ended._

xxxxxxxxxx

“What happened?!” Paige’s voice resonated through the speaker in the Mock Pod. Neither prospective pilot answered her.

Rey’s foot locks disengaged and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

How could Snoke do that to him? How could Luke force him into something like that?! She tasted bile in her mouth, violently pulling the helmet from her suit off and flinging it across the Pod.

Ben stood next to her, chest heaving, eyes wide. His own emotions were still flowing across the force bond, but he could feel _her_ , and she was in so much pain.

Pain for _him_.

She clutched her own shoulders, shaking with sadness and rage. The force bond echoed everything he had felt in the drift and more. He peered down at her, this girl who was so angry on his behalf. He couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. It filled him with the strangest sense of wonder.

“Ben…” she sobbed, peeling the pieces of her drift suit off between words. “I’m so sorry…” She was shaking, soaked with tears, and so full of hate that he was almost afraid. He opened his mouth, then paused.

Why did she care so much about what he felt? It wasn’t her own feelings she was concerned with, that was apparent from the force bond. She cared about _him_ , about his pain. Her own suffering was irrelevant; she had felt the same things he did during the drift, but she didn’t care about herself. She was sobbing _for_ him, something utterly alien to everything that Ben had ever known.

The thought struck him that he had no idea what he was doing. Maybe she didn’t either.

Ben inhaled, a deep, steadying breath. He took a step toward her and knelt down, gathering up her shaking form. With an arm under her knees and another around her shoulders, she curled into him, and he carried her out of the Pod.

xxxxxxxxxx

“Rey?!” Paige rushed to the pair as they walked out of the Mock Pod. Rey still rested in Ben’s arms, burying her face in his chest. It was an odd thing to notice right now, that she smelled of cactus flowers. He tightened his grasp on her a fraction.

“I don’t…” Ben started, then stopped. He had no way to accurately describe how they both felt right now. He only knew that he wasn’t letting Rey go. “She needs some time,” he finally croaked.

“Y-yeah…” Paige was watching her friend with a deeply concerned gaze.

Suddenly, Rey shoved against Ben’s chest, wiggling out of his grasp. He awkwardly dropped her in panic, confused. She jumped up, face still stained with tears, and stumbled toward the exit. She threw open the door and a surge of hatred blasted through her veins as she sprinted out of the room.

“What?!” Paige stared in disbelief. “Where is she going?!”

Ben face went white, feeling Rey’s intent through the force bond. “She’s going to find Luke.”


	15. Come And Get Your Love

#### 1402 hours

#### 

Rey skidded to a halt outside the entrance to Starkiller’s research labs, the stench of dead Kaiju smacking her in the face.

She knew little about Luke Skywalker’s comings and goings. She had not met the man in person before, but assumed he would be here somewhere. He was a solitary person, or so she remembered, preferring to keep to himself. Research suited him in that way.

There were few people around; most of the smaller lab rooms were locked and dark. Rey rushed down the main hallway, remembering Luke’s face in detail from old articles and interviews she had seen. A plaque on the nearby wall caught her eye; his office was lit up, but there was no one inside.

Rey was trying to process everything that she had seen in Ben’s head. She had taken his Force abilities and was attempting to file them away in her memory, but the rage and contempt that flowed through her veins made her far more focused on finding the man who had done this to her partner.

She heard noise coming from a large room at the end of the hall. Double doors opened into a large space full of equipment, chairs, tables, and various scientific instruments. A grey-haired man with a beard and a frown was mumbling to himself about the device he seemed to be arguing with.

Rey sprinted into the room, stopping only a few meters from the man. “Luke Skywalker.” He looked just as she remembered, but with a tinge more grey around the edges.

Luke turned to face her, taken by surprise. He drank in Rey’s tear-stained face and emotional distress with caution. “Who are you?”

Rey pulled from Snoke’s knowledge and raised a hand toward Luke’s throat, choking him with the power of the Force. His eyes widened and he sputtered, stumbling toward her, unable to breathe.

Her body shook in rage, tears falling anew. “How **_dare_** you do that to him?! He is your **_nephew_** , you should have been protecting your **_family_**!”

“R...ey…?” Luke choked out, realizing who this must be. He pulled the Force to himself, releasing her grasp on his throat. “Rey, please-”

She roared and advanced on him, single-minded in her murderous intent. She raised her hand again, and once more Luke choked. “ ** _You_** made Snoke change him, **_you_** did this to him!”

Realizing that he would have to do better than that, Luke released himself from Rey’s grasp once again, sputtering. “Did you drift with him?”

“Yes,” she spat, bearing her teeth. “And I saw what you and Snoke did to him. How could you make him do that?!”

“I didn’t make him do anything,” Luke croaked, still fighting off Rey’s strong pushes with the Force. “Ben insisted on the experiments. I wanted him to stop, but he wouldn’t.”

“You’re a liar,” Rey hissed, advancing on him once again. “I heard your voice in his head, telling him that there was no other way, that he had no choice.”

Luke stumbled back, putting a cluttered table between himself and Rey. “I didn’t- I didn’t say anything like that!” He pressed his hands into the table’s surface, staring back at Rey, confused but insistent. “I never said that.”

Rey felt some of the anger drain out of her. She could read him - just a little, through the Force - and… “You’re not lying.”

“No,” he said. “I will swear on whatever you what. I never said that to Ben. I would never.”

Rey’s arm dropped to her side, limp. “But I _saw_ it.”

Luke straightened up and walked out from behind the table, approaching her with caution. “You drifted with him, didn’t you?”

Rey nodded, feeling more confused by the second. “We just… finished.”

Luke rubbed at his face. He was too tired for this today. “Please come with me, Rey.”

xxxxxxxxxx

They ended up in Luke’s office, Rey sitting uncomfortably in a chair that was too far away from the door. She noted that the room was covered in strange knick-knacks, utterly unorganized. A large, grey file cabinet sat behind the worn, wooden desk. Piles of Kaiju-related books sat on the only other chair in the room, aside from Luke’s desk chair, which he was currently perched on. A cup of coffee sat half-empty and forgotten near his computer.

Rey fidgeted in her seat. What was she doing?

“Would you be willing to tell me what you saw?” Luke asked, eyeing Rey with a bit less apprehension than before. She had calmed down somewhat, but still held onto the vestiges of her anger.

She hesitated. Those were Ben’s memories. Luke had no right to them at all, certainly not since he was the source of all of this pain. “I… will only tell you what I saw and heard. You don’t have any right to Ben’s thoughts or feelings.”

Luke nodded, as if he expected nothing else. “Proceed.”

Rey swallowed. “Ben and Snoke were here, in one of the labs, I think. It looked like they were testing drift helmets. The old Pons tech, the mobile units. Ben… appeared to be in pain from whatever was happening. Snoke looked like he was enjoying it.”

Luke rested his chin on his palm. “Snoke was always a nasty person.”

“Then why did you work with him?”

Luke shrugged. “He was stationed here, I didn’t have a choice. We answer to the military.”

Rey frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Luke stared at her, looking through her in a way she wasn’t entirely comfortable with. “I don’t know what else you saw, or what Ben’s… perception of the situation was. But I never told him he had to do any of that.”

“What was it?” She almost didn’t want to know.

Luke cleared his throat, now visibly uncomfortable. “We were doing experiments to see if we could force people to be drift compatible.”

Rey’s eyes went wide. “But we don’t even know what causes that.”

“You’re correct, we don’t. But we thought we could figure it out,” Luke said, dropping his hand onto the desk. “We did a lot of things. Ben has always been strong in the Force, he was a prime candidate. And he volunteered at the mere mention of the project.” Luke sighed. “Snoke was even stronger in the Force than Ben was, but they weren’t compatible in the least. We decided to see if we could change that.”

Rey shifted in her seat. “And Ben agreed to these tests?”

“Yes,” Luke said firmly. “There were many points that I wanted him to stop, but he refused. He was adamant that this was his goal; the thing that was most important to him. And I don’t think he wanted the recognition. He didn’t want to be famous. He just wanted to help.”

Rey’s mouth was dry. She had no idea how to process this information. “But I felt…” She stopped. “I heard you telling Ben that he had to do it. That he had no choice.”

Luke dropped his voice to a gentle rumble. “I have no doubt that what you saw and heard felt real to Ben. Whatever happened, it’s real to him, and it may be part of the reason he is so… different.”

“Different?” Rey asked.

Luke nodded. “Ben used to be a very different person. More optimistic. Like you,” he smiled cheekily. “He didn’t carry thunderclouds around him wherever he went. Not like he does now.”

“...I need to talk to him,” she said, finally wiping the tears off of her face.

“I think that is an excellent idea. You may be able to help him in some way, even if that doesn’t involve me.” Luke stood from his desk. “What I know happened and what Ben knows happened sound like they’re two different things. And I’d like to know why that is.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1528 hours

#### 

“Ben?” she whispered, watching his expression change at her question.

They were perched far above _Stormwing_ , on an upper rigging that few people climbed up to. It was more or less private, unless the Conn Pod needed repairing. Thankfully, that had been completed yesterday and the finishing touches on the Jaeger were coming along splendidly. They could peer down at the hundreds of people who were bustling noisily around, doing their various assigned tasks. Rey was assigned a short shift soon, but she could not wait to talk to Ben.

She had left Luke’s office more confused than ever. She could tell that neither Ben, nor Luke, were lying. There was something else going on here.

Ben sat next to her, long legs hanging off the edge of the platform. “What you saw… Yes, that was one of the many experiments that they did on me. To see if they could force Snoke and I to be drift compatible.”

“But why?”

“We needed pilots,” he whispered. “I wanted to be useful, I wanted... “ He ran a hand down his face. “Mom’s job was always very important to her. She spent more time with her military career than she did with me. I thought she’d… finally be proud of me.”

Rey stayed silent. It was best to let him talk, she reasoned. He might not be willing to talk about it again after this.

“I couldn’t find anyone that was compatible with me, and neither could Snoke. It seemed like something we could fix. But he tried to make me think like him, tried to change how my mind worked,” he spat, and his words were filled with pus and malice and rage. “And Luke let him. Because we needed another pilot.”

Rey swallowed, nervous. This entire situation was so messed up. The contorted expression on Ben’s face made her heart ache.

“Initially, I volunteered,” he said. “But… I’m not the person I was back then. When I started to change, Luke wouldn’t stop the project. He and Snoke demanded that it continue.”

“Ben…” she said gently. “I talked to Luke about this. About what I saw. I used the Force to probe his intentions, and I… He told me that his recollection of the situation is different. That you were the one who demanded that the experiments continued. And don’t think he’s lying. But neither are you!” She said hurriedly, as Ben’s expression changed to one of anger. “I know what I saw was real,” she breathed. “I know it was. I felt it.”

His face fell back to something akin to neutrality. He could tell through the Force Bond that she wasn’t lying to him; she really did believe him. But she also believed Luke. He wasn’t sure how to deal with that. “You’re the only other person who knows about the… extent of this.”

“Your mom doesn’t know?”

“No. We kept a lot of it from her, initially. But she was also in favor of continuing the experiments.”

She could hear the resentment in his voice. And why wouldn’t he be resentful? If he thought that his mother and uncle were using him as a lab rat, that would inspire a lot of anger. It’s no wonder he avoided them like the plague.

The question that burned in Rey’s mind crawled up her throat before she could stop it. “It worked though. Didn’t it?”

Ben sighed. “In a limited fashion, yes. Snoke and I were compatible, in the end. Enough to function as a pilot pair.”

“You had the _Emperor_ , right?” Rey peered out over the head of _Stormwing_ into the open air.

“Yes, that was our Jaeger. Sith class, the only one of its kind,” he said. “But you probably know that.”

Rey smiled a little. Her research had been quite extensive. “Yes, I do. But… Snoke died. In battle.”

“Yes, he did,” Ben said, fiddling nervously with a loose thread at the bottom of his shirt. Rey watched the muscles in his arm move and ripple. “He was ripped from the Jaeger while we were still connected... I’ve never felt pain and fear like that in my life. I was able to finish the fight, barely. But the damage was done.”

“I can’t even imagine…” Rey trailed off. Having someone’s mind pulled from your own in the middle of an adrenaline driven battle… The thought made her sick. Such a thing had caused devastation in other pilots. Suicides, self-medicating with illegal drugs and alcohol, extreme isolation. Ben must have been the latter case.

“That, plus the experiments… I’m different now, Rey.” He looked up from his lap and into her bright face. “I wasn’t meant to be compatible with anyone. I never thought I would be again. Not after the project. That is why I didn’t want to do this.”

“Ben…” Slowly, Rey reached forward and rested her hand upon his. “I don’t care about that. I know that you care, and I know what you mean when you say that, but I understand that you’re scared. I’m not exactly unafraid, you know.”

Ben’s eyes were fixated on the hand that was gently closing around his own.

“We are naturally drift compatible. That much is clear, from the Force Bond. You can’t fake those,” she insisted, watching his eyes shift to look into her own. “I felt it that day, in the hangar, like I know you did. And I’m not afraid of you. Or Snoke,” she sneered at his name, and the corners of Ben’s mouth quirked up ever so slightly. “But these two stories don’t add up,” she said finally. “Yours and Luke’s, I mean. I want to figure out why.”

Ben nodded slowly, ignoring the sudden urge he felt to lean into her. “If… If Luke isn’t lying, then there must be something else.”

Rey could feel his fear creeping back, like tendrils of darkness threatening to drag him back to that lab. “We will figure it out together. But for now, I have work, and you should sleep.”

xxxxxxxxxx

_Ben dreams of a desert._

_The winds press in on them, as they have so many times over the course of his life. His body has reverted to its ten year old shape and he trudges through the hot sand, devoid of all other life._

_The warm wash of shame flows through him, more painful than the almost scalding grains beneath his feet that shift and slide. The person he struggles to find is disappointed in him. He knows they are; they must be. He failed. He always fails._

_He doesn’t remember what it was, only that it was another defeat of some kind. One to add to his long, long list._

_The sand flies into his mouth and he sputters, still following the pull of who he is trying to find. If he can only get to them, find them and explain what happened, they might understand… They would definitely understand. Right?_

_The wind picks up. Ben cannot see anymore, his vision swarmed by swirls of sand. It spins and spirals, the sandstorm heading straight for him._

_He screams in pain as the sand claws at his skin. He drops onto his stomach in an effort to avoid the storm, and it quickly swallows him up._


	16. All You Have To Do Is Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which discoveries are made.

#### Day 9, 0842 hours

#### 

_“What am I doing here?”_

Ben stood in the hallway outside Luke Skywalker’s office, fist poised to knock.

There was no one else around, or at least, no one he could hear. The place was cold and lifeless. It smelled of dead and rotting Kaiju, a scent that all but the most dedicated workers found abhorrent.

Rey’s voice echoed in his head from yesterday, filling him with disbelief and confusion. He knew Rey was not lying about what she’d seen, or what she had spoken to Luke about. It was easy to tell with the Force Bond, which was much stronger than it had been before their drift attempt. Its presence did not bother him now, a fact that he was not interested in examining.

Ben let his hand fall to the side. Talking to Luke now wasn’t going to change anything. He trusted Rey, not his uncle. A voice at the back of his mind nagged at him, telling him that Luke’s proficiency in the Force could certainly hide a lie from someone. A rush of frustration and anger flooded through him, and he turned away.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0957 hours

#### 

“What if we used the handshake?”

Ben stopped chewing on his sandwich. He could already tell this was a bad idea. “In what way?”

Rey sat cross-legged next to him on his bed, shovelling bite after bite into her face. He was continually amazed at her ability to eat so much food. “Snoke used the drift to do something to your mind, right? Maybe we can change it back.”

Ben shook his head emphatically. “Absolutely not. Neither of us have any idea how that works.”

“We know someone who does,” Rey said weakly, turning to him with a half smile.

“Luke is not to be involved in this-”

“Ben, please,” Rey said, brushing crumbs off of her hands. “You deserve to know what happened. It’s possible that we can’t do anything at all, but I think an attempt is worth it.”

He resisted the urge to push back against her relentless optimism. It pulsed through the Force Bond, a feeling too alien to describe. “And if we fail? If it gets worse? I’m not okay with that, Rey.”

“It won’t,” she said firmly. “Luke’s guidance will help us. If anything seems like it’s going to go wrong, we will stop immediately.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I won’t let him hurt you. I promise.” She had been uncharacteristically fussy about him since the Mock Pod yesterday and it made no sense at all.

Ben pursed his lips. She was going to send him to his grave one of these days. Or he would send her to hers. “What if I chase the rabbit again?”

“What if I do?” Rey countered, wiping her face off with the back of her hand. “We can’t let ‘maybes’ hold us back. If we don’t do it, we might regret it later. It’s better to find out.” She could feel his confusion and indecision, and the tiny voice in the back of his head that urged him to find out what was really going on.

Ben frowned. “That’s my brain you’re talking about.”

“I know,” she replied. “But to an extent, mine is also at stake. And I _felt_ how much pain you were in. How much Snoke hurt you. And if we can do something to alleviate that pain...”

She was right, as she irritatingly tended to be. And there was a part of him, if he was being honest with himself, that did not want to upset her further. The fact that he trusted her at all made him shiver. “If we’re going to do this.... There needs to be a conversation with Luke.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1327 hours

#### 

To Ben’s chagrin, his uncle was more than happy to help. After another short shift, Rey took the time to explain the plan they had worked out, while Ben stood far away from the researcher. He still loathed the man, despite what Rey had discovered. There was no guarantee of anything yet; being in proximity with Luke only made Ben’s blood boil.

Luke had gone through what research he could remember with Rey. This subject happened to be the volumes and books that Ben destroyed when he was younger, the man’s emotions tinged with shame as he remembered. Rey communicated everything to Ben through the Force Bond; this process would involve allowing Rey access to parts of his mind that he might not care for. It would bring a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions to the forefront and he needed to prepare for that.

Gratefully, Rey had agreed that Paige would be an ideal mediator for this entire situation. She was still concerned about Rey - who insisted that she was fine - and immediately agreed to assist them. They had all piled into the same control room as before, with the same attached Mock Pod. Ben had insisted yet again that no one else was to know about this.

Ben and Rey were being strapped into the Mock Pod for the second time when Paige’s voice came over the speaker. “Luke is telling me that this may take some time, so don’t rush. That will minimize any possible damage and reduce the chance either of you will chase the rabbit.”

The pair took deep breaths, already slipping into the Force Bond. Syncing themselves outside the drift would make the transition inside that much easier, and Rey needed a handle on the Force if she was going to prod Ben’s mind.

“Everything is going to be fine,” Paige said confidently. “We will keep you both in alignment as much as we can. Ready?”

“Ready!” Both voices rang out, anxious and full of adrenaline.

Paige cleared her throat. “3… 2.... 1… Drift initiated!”

xxxxxxxxxx

_Rey found herself in the middle of Luke’s laboratory yet again._

_It looked almost the same as it had in the real world. Some of the tech was a little older, a few tables and chairs were different, but it was quite similar. Papers, folders, and textbooks about Kaijus and drift compatibility were strewn over several tables. A figure was pacing back and forth between the tables and a nearby whiteboard, mumbling aloud to themselves._

_She eyed the man with hatred. It was Snoke._

_She would recognize his burned, scarred face anywhere. The victim of an unfortunate accident, his face had been marred and grafted multiple times. She could not quite make out what he was saying, but the recorder in his hand appeared to be on. This was Ben’s memory after all - if he didn’t hear it at the time, Rey wouldn’t be able to now._

_Across the room, slumped in a chair, was a half-unconscious Ben with the drift helmet still perched on his crown of dark hair. Rey muffled a curse and took a step toward him before remembering what she was supposed to be doing here. Feeling sure enough that neither Snoke or Ben could see or sense her presence, she reached toward Ben’s mind with the Force._

_Immediately, he lashed out at her. She flinched, wrapping her soothing presence around him. The Ben in the chair sighed, eyes fluttering shut. Calming._

_She turned her attention back to Snoke as he approached Ben once more. Rey watched him put the helmet back on his own head, now realizing that this was an extension of the previous drift’s memory. “Perfect.”_

_Snoke grabbed Ben’s shoulder and shook it, startling him awake to begin the experiment anew. Rey settled into Ben’s consciousness, waiting. There was so much of him left in Ben, she reasoned, that there must be something there she could dissect and discover._

_At the first jolt of pain, her own mind shot toward Snoke._

_What memories and thoughts of Snoke’s that Ben had retained in his subconscious were ugly. They were stained with arrogance, anger, and ambition at others’ expense. She wormed further in, pulling apart the bits that remained when Snoke was ripped from their shared Jaeger._

_Flashes of thoughts and memories bombarded her, and she felt herself falling over her own head. It was disorienting and painful, but she was determined to keep going for Ben’s sake._

_It was then that she noticed a singular, black distortion where the minds of the co-pilots had met, a part that matched too perfectly, where the rest of it did not. She charged toward it with her own mind and the power of the Force, finding that it was some sort of barrier. She smacked it with the power of the Force Bond, demanding that it relinquish what hold it had on her partner, but it did not yield._

_Rey reached out and grabbed Ben’s mind, dragging it from Snoke’s grasp as much as she could. “This is it, you have to break this down! He put something here that’s not supposed to be here, we have to get rid of it!”_

_Ben’s eyes focused for the first time since the memory had begun. He stared at her, jarred from his forced connection with Snoke._

_The dark barrier cracked._

_“Yes!” Rey shouted, feeling the handshake between him and Snoke becoming more and more painful. It was not any better the second time around. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she shook him, hard. “You have to break it down, it’s keeping something away from you! Please!”_

_He turned to face it, marveling at how something so obvious had been hidden from him all this time. “What is it…?”_

_Rey firmly grasped his hand in her own. “I’m here, you can do this! He hurt you and you aren’t going to let him get away with it!”_

_Ben’s mind faltered as the pain from the memory struck him anew. He pushed back against it, feeling Rey’s determination flow into his own. He grappled with the crevices in the barrier, pushing his mind into them, and pulling them further apart._

_All at once, the barrier snapped and crumbled away._

xxxxxxxxxx

“Ben?!” Rey shrieked, clambering out of her drift suit as fast as she could. They had both been catapulted out of the neural handshake and he was laying on the floor, unconscious. She could tell that he was alive, but not much else. “Ben?” She had only basic first aid training, but felt herself flood with relief when she realized that it would not be required.

Ben snapped awake with a gasp, eyes unfocused, as the crew from outside the Mock Pod barreled in and fell silent. Paige stood frozen with a hand over her mouth.

Rey could feel that he was in pain, a kind of pain she had never experienced before. “Ben, are you okay? What happened?”

His dark eyes honed in on her, voice rasping. “There’s two of them.”

“Two of what?” She felt like she was going to throw up.

“Memories,” he said, coughing. He sat up, holding his head. “He changed my memories. I have… I can remember what I remembered before.” He licked his lips, clearly disoriented. “I think that… block or whatever it was, held back what actually happened.” He lifted his gaze to meet Rey’s brown eyes. “I can remember Uncle Luke begging me to stop the tests. I remember it. He wanted me to quit, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be a pilot. I thought it was my only way to…”

Rey could feel the shame wash over Ben like a tsunami. “Ben, don’t. You had no idea. It isn’t your fault.”

“How I react to things is my fault,” he murmured, loud enough that only Rey could hear.

“Your reaction was not atypical,” she insisted. “Not when you take into account what you thought.”

Ben slowly curled up, resting his forearms on his knees. It struck Rey as a child-like gesture. “Why did I let Snoke do that to me?”

“You wanted to help.”

Ben and Rey turned to see Luke standing in the metal doorway of the Mock Pod. It pained Rey’s heart to see the way that Ben was looking up at his uncle, so full of confusion and helplessness.

“You always wanted to help. But Snoke was ambitious and cruel, much more so than even I knew.” Luke swallowed, taking a few small steps toward them. “If I had to guess, Snoke wanted the glory. At the time, he couldn’t find a drift partner either. But I never thought that he was capable of something like this. And I didn’t know the Force could be used in such a terrible way.” He paused. “Hopefully, this is the only memory he altered. Rey?”

Rey nodded, fairly certain. “That is the only strange thing I saw. Or felt. I think if he had done any more, it would have been too obvious. He changed just enough to keep Ben away from you. To hide just what he’d done to Ben’s mind to make them drift compatible.”

Luke stepped purposefully toward his nephew and knelt beside him. “I left you alone back then because I thought that’s what you wanted.” His eyes were sad and shining. “But I failed you, Ben. I didn’t protect you. I’m sorry.”

Ben only nodded.

“He needs some time,” Rey said, feeling through Ben’s muddled emotions. “I think he should rest.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1547 hours

#### 

“Why are you still here?” Ben murmured. The fact that she was here at all astounded him. He tried to swat away the lingering feelings of abandonment from his altered memories, but they were raw and steeped in years of rumination and self-loathing. He wondered if they’d ever go away.

“Because you’re tired and you need to sleep,” Rey said, fussing around his room. They had made a cursory stop at the hospital wing at Luke’s insistence before coming back here. Everything about both members of the Force Bond pair were within normal limits, and so Rey dragged Ben back to his room to rest. She had already pulled out pajamas for him, fetched him a glass of water, and argued about the merits of midday napping.

“I’ll sleep, jeez,” he mumbled.

“Good,” she said, handing him the cool glass. “I have another short shift coming up soon. I’ll come check on you when I’m done.”

Ben was too exhausted to argue. He downed the water and thanked her, then watched Rey walk out of his room and shut the door.

He curled up on his bed to sleep, feeling a tiny pang of regret that he didn’t ask her to stay.


	17. Thunderbolt and Lightning, Very Very Frightening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which dreams are unsettling and bugs are gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Diemeniana is a genus of cicada that is indigenous to Australia.

_Rey dreams of an ocean._

_And there are monsters in the water. Slimy, destructive beasts that are intent on reaching her goal, trapping the source of the ache in her chest and dragging them beneath the black, choppy waves forever._

_She flails helplessly, ice and salt crashing over her head. She can’t see them, but tiny Rey knows they’re there. They have to be; if she has failed already…_

_The moon is high in the sky, casting enough light to barely see the water. The noise of sloshing overwhelms her, a cruel reminder that there is no land to be found here. Her small limbs barely keep her head above the water, returned to a child here, as she always is._

_Rey swims. She feels something cold brush against her leg, just for a moment, and she screams in fear. Her voice travels across the waves and doesn’t come back._

_An indeterminate distance away, the lurking creatures make their move-_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2352 hours

#### 

**“Warning: Kaiju event. Category Three, Kaiju attack imminent. Warning: Kaiju attack.”**

The sudden announcement startled her awake, her heart racing away toward the hangar. Rey bolted out of bed, feeling the familiar, lingering pain of the nightmare settle in her chest. It was always the same; she could never remember it, but the turmoil followed her around long afterward.

_“It will be Stormwing this time,”_ she thought, throwing suitable clothes on. The repairs had been completed quite recently, but it was a relief to have a Jaeger ready for battle. And if there was anything to be said for the boys, they were always ready to fight. Rey admired their tenacity.

She dressed in a hurry, intent on being in the control room for this fight. Ben would be there as well and she could feel his location through the bond. Indeed, he was headed in that direction.

Rey ran from her room, heading for the elevators that would take her to LOCCENT.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### Day 10, 0013 hours

#### 

“Just once, I’d like these things to attack us at a normal hour,” Finn complained, holding out his arm while a crewmember latched his drift armor onto it. “It’s midnight for Christ’s sake.”

Paige, Rose, and Rey were standing back from the main control panel, snickering at Finn’s comment. Ben was nearby against the wall, not quite comfortable with the exposed location that the three girls were standing in. Rey attempted to soothe his anxiety, but he gently brushed her away. He was still a mess of emotions; she did not begrudge him his solitude right now.

“Do we have stats on this monster, boss?” Poe said, stretching. “Or a name?”

“It’s… D-Diemen...iana? Diemeniana? Who names these things?” Leia peered around the control room, no one offering to answer her question. She turned back to the microphone. “It’s a large Kaiju, the largest we’ve seen yet. Cursory data retrieved from the breach says that it is an insectoid Kaiju, with large wings and a long tail.”

“Always with the tail,” Poe scoffed, settling into his own suit while Finn mumbled something to one of the crewmembers.

_Stormwing_ was fully repaired now, much to the boys’ excitement. They enjoyed these battles, in their own way. _“They might as well,”_ Rey thought. _“Since they are so necessary to our survival.”_

Rose poked her head over Leia’s shoulder. “Love you, Finn! You too, Poe! Come back safe!”

“We will!” Finn grinned, though his inamorata could not see it. “We’re gonna squish this bug!”

“Yes!” Poe crowed, the crew scrambling out of the Conn Pod. “You’d better get the cleaning crews out now, General!”

Leia chuckled. Few knew about her black market dealings with Phasma, but the dealer was always prepared to harvest any Kaiju that attacked their shores. “Put your money where your mouth is, Poe. Deployment in five seconds.”

“Yes, ma’am!” The boys’ voices echoed through the control room. The seconds ticked by, nervous energy floating from person to person.

“Good luck, gentlemen!” Leia sent the Conn Pod dropping down onto _Stormwing’s_ body. It was time for a Kaiju battle.

xxxxxxxxxx

LOCCENT was noisy as always. Paige and Rose took it upon themselves to describe some more technical aspects to Rey, who ate it up just as quickly as anything else she’d ever learned. The control room was different from a Jaeger; she had not spent as much time learning about it as she would have liked. Until now, that is.

They watched the screen, seeing _Stormwing_ sloshing its way through the dark water. Rose absentmindedly rolled the hem of her shirt through her fingers as they talked.

“Hey,” Rey said, rubbing her shoulder encouragingly. “They’ll be fine.”

Rose nodded. “I know. But it’s nerve-wracking.” They watched the sky fill with Jumphawks, taking videos from all angles. Though many news stations paid significant amounts for their videos, Luke had taken to studying them long ago, as a way to discern any battle-related information about the Kaiju.

“I’m pretty sure they’re too stubborn to die,” Paige said with a smile. Rose and Rey laughed.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0021 hours

#### 

“What kind of bug do you think it looks like?” Poe asked, walking in sync with his partner through the icy water. _Stormwing_ was pristine, not a bolt out of place, and the neural handshake was as strong as ever.

“Judging by the name we got, it probably looks like a cicada,” Finn responded, checking the Jaeger’s systems on the screen in front of them. It was dark outside, but the airborne Jumphawks lit dozens of floodlights to increase their visibility.

“...how do you just know that?” Poe asked, amazed.

“I asked one of the crew while they were suiting us up,” Finn laughed. The handshake showed Poe exactly what he was talking about. The memory exchange was garbled as usual; they did not always have complete control over which memories their partner saw, but drawing a specific memory to the surface was effective enough.

“Pfft,” Poe scoffed. “I knew that.”

“Proximity alert, guys!” Paige’s voice came over the radio in the Conn Pod. “Two clicks away and approaching way too fast, be careful!”

Finn whooped as the alert inside the Conn Pod went off. “Here we go!”

The new Kaiju burst from the water, a high pitched screech making the boys flinch. Diemeniana was indeed a cicada-like creature, with diaphanous wings and a long, scorpion-like tail. Its mandibles clicked together as it beat its wings, to rise high into the air. The tail trailed in the water, not revealing just how long and deadly it truly was.

Poe frowned. “Ugh, it really is another bug-thing! I hate bugs.”

“Okay, okay,” Finn said, watching the disgusting creature hover momentarily in the air. It was truly huge and only a little intimidating. “The best bet would be to keep it in the water, if we can.”

“Right!” Reading his partner’s mind, Poe began charging the Tesla cells on the Jaeger’s arms. “We can destroy its wings easily, if we can shoot them down. Or grab them!”

Finn nodded in agreement. “Bonus if they’re still wet!” The pilots flinched as the Kaiju screeched again, then charged.

xxxxxxxxxx

“It’s so ugly,” Rey murmured, watching _Stormwing_ and Diemeniana grapple with one another. The boys were attempting to grab the creature by one of its six legs; it was wet enough that a jolt of electricity would do some serious damage.

Paige covered her mouth to quiet the laughter that threatened to bubble up. “Yes, I have to say I agree.”

The corners of Rose’s mouth quirked up. “Did you ever get that comic book, Paige?”

“Oh yes, right when we got back. I’ll have to get this one too,” she answered cheerfully.

Rey tilted her head to the side, remembering which Kaiju comics she had collected back on Tatooine. “Which issues do you have?”

“Welp, that’s me gone,” Rose scooted off, intent on avoiding the inevitable conversation. “I’ll go get us all coffee, shall I?”

“Oh, hush,” Paige waved her back. “Let’s talk about it later, Rey.” She nodded toward the screen, where _Stormwing_ was failing miserably to grab any part of Diemeniana’s chitinous body.

xxxxxxxxxx

After several moments, Finn’s hand clamped firmly around one of Diemeniana’s strangely muscular legs. “Aha!” He pressed the button on his distal interface and sent a truly destructive level of electricity through the Kaiju’s body.

The monster roared, flailing helplessly as it fell from the sky. Losing control of its wings, it twitched and slammed into the water, its back turned up toward the stars. Poe and Finn advanced on it immediately, stepping on its head with their right foot. It crushed the Kaiju’s skull to the ocean floor as they grasped the base of Diemeniana’s right wing, intent on pulling it out of the beast’s back.

Yank as they might, the wing was firmly attached. “We have to get this thing out!” Finn yelled.

Before further efforts could be made, the Kaiju’s barbed tail blindly struck. It stabbed _Stormwing_ clean through the right knee and Finn roared in pain. “Shit!”

Alarms rang out and red lights flashed. “Can you move-!” Poe was barely able to move his arm out of the way as the monster flailed again. Finn’s knee was almost out of commission completely. It was barely responding to any commands, and causing a surge of pain through the boys’ bodies besides.

“I have… an idea…!” Poe panted, slamming the button to activate the bolts that would attach the Jaeger to the ocean floor. Somehow, the damaged knee was able to relay the information. The Kaiju’s head was now carefully trapped between their foot and the ocean floor, the bolts just large enough to encompass the Kaiju’s head. It wasn’t entirely clear how long they could survive without breathing, but Finn and Poe were very interested in finding out.

“Get the wings before it breaks free!” Poe and Finn reached forward again, but the monster’s tail was having none of it. It struck over and over again, dripping what looked to be some type of blue acid or poison. Finn raised his arm to block the barb, and it embedded itself in his forearm. The Kaiju flailed beneath their feet.

“No!” Poe let go of his own grasp on the wing to grab Diemeniana’s tail. He yanked it from Finn’s arm, holding it near the barbed end. “Snakebite!” Poe yelled, and Finn’s arm met him in the middle. They twisted the tail, one hand in each direction, until it split apart like a perfectly cooked crab leg.

Poe grasped the barbed end, still dripping with poison. He leaned forward and stabbed it into the beast’s wing joint, encouraging the gossamer limb to separate from Diemeniana’s body. After much yanking, the wing split from its body with a sickening squelch.

Diemeniana flailed in pain and struck wildly, severed tail now spewing acidic, blue blood. Blue seeped from the remains of its wing, and its head still remained tenuously trapped beneath the water.

Without warning, a sudden force jolted the Jaeger - and they were falling.

xxxxxxxxxx

Rey gasped. “What’s-”

“Oh no!” Rose watched as Diemeniana’s two front legs grappled with the foot that was trapping it to the sea floor. Its body gained purchase on the sand and began to inch sideways toward _Stormwing_. The struggle yanked and pulled at their already damaged limb; Poe’s foot was locked to the bottom of the ocean as well and it limited their mobility.

“If they don’t disengage now, it’s going to kick them,” Paige said softly. “If it kicks that knee out, the entire leg is done for.”

xxxxxxxxxx

Fighting defensively was not something that the boys enjoyed. They had to keep future battles in mind, always, and it affected their decisions. Their leg was essential; they could not sacrifice it, as important as it was to kill this Kaiju. They would have to find another way.

“Disengaging bolts!” Finn yelled, and they flipped the switches to disengage both feet.

Poe’s bolts retracted. Finn’s did not.

“What- They won’t come back up!” Finn pressed the button frantically. The Kaiju’s yanking and pulling had frayed what little connection the bottom of the leg had with the rest of the Jaeger. _Stormwing_ was jostled back and forth, throwing the boys violently from side to side.

“We have to let it go, Finn-”

“I can’t!” He yelled, voice rising in fear. “I can’t detach at the knee, it’s not working!”

“Brace yourself!” Poe clenched his teeth, turning his head away from the monitor.

The Kaiju’s bloody, severed tail smacked them square in the face. They were shoved hard, ripping Finn’s leg clean apart at the kneecap. The Jaeger stumbled backward and they went down.


	18. Everything Up 'Til Yesterday Was A Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which people talk and air is cleared.

“NO!” Rose screamed and ran up to the microphone, shouldering one of the crew out of the way. “Finn?!”

Rey and Paige watched as _Stormwing_ fell backward into the sea. Any hole in the Conn Pod would leave them drowning and _Stormwing_ was too top heavy to walk effectively without both of its legs. Ben stepped to the middle of the room near them; proximity to Rey was important at this moment, as he awkwardly tried to soothe her feelings of panic.

“Get in your Jaeger,” Leia commanded, Paige and Rose rushing to obey. It had been quite a long time since a Kaiju battle had necessitated a second set of pilots, but there was no time to be wishy-washy.

“Wait, what’s happening?” Everyone froze. Rey rushed to the front of the room, peering intently at the screen. “Wait, wait! Look!”

xxxxxxxxxx

_Stormwing_ burst from the water, wings extended, its powerful jets creating a precarious counterbalance for its lost leg.

“No serious Conn Pod damage, General!” Poe yelled, activating the Tesla cells on his arm of the Jaeger. He turned to look at Finn. “Ready?”

“Let’s do this thing!” The Tesla cells on Finn’s arm burst to life after a bit of coaxing. The Kaiju was still thrashing violently under the water; there was no telling how much longer the bolts would hold, or how long the beast could survive beneath the water. If the breach was anything to go by, it would be just fine for a long while yet.

Fortunately, Diemeniana currently had a lightning rod stuck to its head.

The jets on the Jaeger’s wings pushed them forward, closing the gap that the attack to their face had caused. They slid forward, Poe barely keeping the balance on their remaining leg. Their lost limb was no longer protected by _Stormwing’s_ various features; the hunk of metal was little more than just that.

Seconds before Diemeniana managed to break free, the two hands of Stormwing closed around its lost leg, sending an even more powerful jolt of electricity into the Kaiju’s body than before, cooking its brain inside its skull. The water around the creature almost boiled with the heat, and Stormwing stumbled as the jets flipped off. The Jaeger fell to its one remaining knee, but the beast thrashed no more.

“Kaiju eliminated!” Finn yelled, over the cacophony of shouts in the control room.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0254 hours

#### 

“We’re going to have to rebuild its entire leg.”

After watching Rose drag Finn and Poe to the medical bay, Paige and Rey spent the next hour and a half assessing the damage to _Stormwing_. Its lost limb had been completely fried in the assault on Diemeniana.

“Do we have the materials for that?” Rey murmured, peering over the railing at the remains of the leg that the Jumphawks had carried back to the base.

“I think so. Barely,” Paige answered. “We also have to take a look at the arm and Conn Pod repairs.”

Rey sighed. The normal hustle and bustle of the base had been superseded by furious movement. The _Cobalt Hammer_ was close to being completed, today being almost a week after their previous battle. She felt more than a little pride at her place in all of this, these people who were determined to turn death away. But times like this left her depressed and anxious.

“We’ll be fine,” Paige said. “We need to order more supplies, but we can do this.”

Rey nodded. “You’re right. It’ll be okay.”

They fell into silence.

“I think… I should go find Ben,” Rey said.

Paige nodded. “Is he… alright?”

“He went to talk to Luke.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0258 hours

#### 

Ben Solo rapped his knuckles on the door of his Uncle’s office, wiping sweaty palms on his pants.

Luke seemed just as surprised as Ben was to find him standing there. It was so early in the morning, but the Kaiju alarm had woken the entire base, and Luke Skywalker was no exception. “Ben, how… I mean,” the researcher said, stepping away from the door. “Please, come in.”

The taller man shuffled into the office, planting himself in a nearby chair. Luke sat behind the desk, grasping his hot cup of coffee with both hands.

The two men sat in silence for a few, long moments. Ben’s eyes strayed to various parts of the room, the bits and bobs that he still remembered. “I didn’t think this place could get messier, but you managed.”

The corners of Luke’s mouth turned upward. “It’s hardly changed and you know it.”

Ben made a non-committal grunt, then fell back into silence. There was so much to say that he couldn’t breathe a word.

Luke ran a hand down his face. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

Bile burned the ex-pilot’s throat. One set of memories implored him to hurt Luke as he himself had been hurt, but… “It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” Luke insisted. “I should have stopped the experiments regardless of anyone else’s opinion. They were dangerous from the beginning and only got worse. Your health should have been my priority.”

Before he realized it, Ben said, “Priority? Weighing me against the entire world?”

Luke looked thoughtful, remembering past conversations with both his sister and Ben’s drift partner. “You sound like Rey.”

Ben felt a thick wave of shame as the words finally hit him. She had been saying that this entire time, in a way. While it was his decision to make, he had wanted to give himself up to save the world. So did Rey, even if it meant dying in the process. Was one person more important than millions?

“I will never do anything with that research ever again,” Luke vowed. “You destroyed most of it back then, and it needed to be. I swear I haven’t touched it since. I won’t put anyone else through that.”

Ben nodded, a part of him feeling relief. Suddenly knowing that he had been a guinea pig to such a degree made him feel tiny and lost. “I… I don’t know what to do now.”

Luke hummed. “You know who can help you with that.”

Ben nodded. Rey was… He wasn’t sure what Rey was. His emotions surrounding her were muddled. He was grateful for her help - more than she would probably ever know - but he wondered what else she had seen.

Luke took a calculated risk. “Does she know about your father?”

Ben was barely able to hold in his flinch. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Perhaps that would be a good place to start.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0347 hours

#### 

Rey had only been working on the _Cobalt Hammer_ for a few hours, but she was already exhausted.

Being woken up by the Kaiju attack had disrupted her normal sleep routine. She had only climbed in bed a few hours before Diemeniana decided to join them on planet Earth. Working herself to the bone was her specialty, but her yawns were becoming more frequent.

“Rey.”

A low, male voice reached her ears and she turned to find Ben standing awkwardly nearby. He looked tired as well, but not quite as sleepy as her. He had taken a nap this evening, after all.

“Hi Ben,” she said, setting her tools on the ground. “Did you talk to your Uncle?”

Ben nodded. “I did.” He felt almost as lost as he did before their conversation, but there was a quiet in his chest now. Somehow. Rey could feel it.

“That’s good,” she smiled, walking toward him. “You should go back to sleep, I have a few more hours to go on-” She suddenly tripped over the welding torch at her feet - the one she had just set on the ground, in fact - and stumbled right into the wall of muscle that was Ben, who caught her awkwardly.

“Are you okay?” He helped her straighten up, taking in her soft hair and oil-streaked face. She looked bone tired. The cactus flower scent from before was nowhere to be found.

“Yes, yes. Thank you,” she mumbled, blinking her eyes to clear them. His hands lingered on her shoulders and she found her sleepy self savoring their warmth.

“You are exhausted. You need to go back to sleep,” Ben insisted, as Rey’s hands curled over his biceps. “I can stay awake for a while.”

“No, no,” Rey yawned again, trying to wave him off. “I’m fine. I have more work to do.”

“You can do it when you wake up,” Ben said, letting his hands fall away as she stepped back. “I will get Paige down here.”

“Are you threatening me, Ben Solo?” Rey tried to sound intimidating, but she yawned again, halfway through the sentence.

Ben had to suppress the smile that was slowly creeping up on him. “Let me walk you back to your room. Please.”

They could talk about Han later.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0359 hours

#### 

Rey collapsed onto her bed, barely willing to cover herself with a blanket. Loathe though she was to admit it, Ben was right; she was tired. And tired people often made mistakes, as she had learned from past incidents.

She buried her head in her pillow. Ben had escorted her back to her room, much to the gawks of the crew members who were busily doing their duties. She had not… disliked the extra attention from Ben, she realized, but she was too exhausted to examine this revelation further. She opted for changing the sheets after she woke up, rather than showering before bed.

She could sense that Ben was different. His heart was a bit lighter; that’s the only way she could really express it in words. Surely speaking with Luke had helped him. Maybe tomorrow she would ask him what they talked about.

_“Ben…”_ He was a kind person, even if he didn’t think so. He had tried to help her earlier too, during the Kaiju battle, something he had not done before. She appreciated the effort, even if she hadn’t said so at the time.

She slowly drifted off into a deep sleep, wondering what it meant.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 0415 hours

#### 

“I really think it’s possible,” Leia said, stirring her cup of tea. She and her brother were in LOCCENT control while the former arranged for Phasma’s black market minions to come salvage what they could from Diemeniana’s corpse.

“I agree,” Luke responded, feeling more hopeful than he had his weeks. “Ben… came to talk to me earlier. In my office.”

Leia stopped stirring. “And?”

“And… he seems a little better. He seems willing to rely on Rey, even a little bit. They’ve drifted once already, as you know. This might actually work the way we need it to.”

Leia nodded and sipped the tea. “And if it doesn’t?” She did not want to think about the possibility, but it loomed over her head.

“More tryouts,” Luke answered, toasting the General with his own steaming cup.

Leia wouldn’t take that for an answer. “I’ve been prepping the _Convergence_ since the tryouts. It should be operational soon. A few days, most likely.”

Luke sipped at his cup, saying nothing. LOCCENT was almost empty, the crew opting to sleep and eat while they could; the uncharacteristic quiet was welcome.

“If it doesn’t work, then perhaps our current pilot pairs will get a chance to use it, should their Jaegers be destroyed.”

“It’s not a terrible back up plan,” Luke admitted. “But the interface is so different-”

Leia cut him off. “They will have to learn quickly. We have no choice.”

“If we push them, it’s going to fail,” Luke insisted.

“I know,” Leia murmured, peering out the control room windows at _Stormwing’s_ mangled Conn Pod. “I know. Patience is a virtue, after all.”

Luke chuckled.


	19. I Want To Touch The Light, The Heat I See In Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben hopes and Rey falls.

#### 1207 hours

#### 

Rey felt less than refreshed after catching up on sleep. Her muscles ached and she grumbled her way into the shower after stripping her bed and popping some ibuprofen. Yet another nightmare had plagued her during the night, reminding her of her stressful life post-high school.

The hot water helped considerably, but she still felt like something heavy was sitting on her shoulders. The battle from the night before still weighed on her mind; she could not help but think of the work they would have to do to give _Stormwing_ a new leg. She had examined the destroyed limb herself and there was almost nothing to salvage. Rey had only built such a thing once before, so the experience would be new to her, more or less.

She stepped out of the shower and threw on some light clothes. Her next shift was in a few hours and she was starving, looking forward to the warm comfort of food.

_“...Rey?”_

She froze, hand on the bathroom door. What the- _“Ben?”_ As usual, she could tell exactly where he was, but this was entirely different.

_“I’m… surprised this actually works.”_ Ben’s voice was inside her head. Not like it was in the drift, but it was unmistakably him. He sounded tired, if it was possible for her to discern such a thing without seeing his face.

_“How…? Are we talking through the Force Bond?”_ She clamped her lips shut when she realized she was mouthing along with her thoughts.

_“Yes,”_ Ben replied. _“Uncle Luke suggested that it might be possible, though there’s no substantial research to suggest it. You can probably feel how hard it is to maintain.”_

Rey nodded, then reminded herself that he couldn’t see her. _“Yes, it’s… not easy.”_ She was pleased to hear that Ben was warming back to his Uncle, but the additional strain of the conversation on her already stressed out mind made her grateful that she had already taken some painkillers, to fend off the impending headache.

_“Do you want to try to drift again?”_ The anxiety he had previously possessed about drifting with her seemed to have vanished entirely, if their recent conversations were anything to go by.

_“I think that’s a great idea.”_ As far as she could tell, there was nothing but words going back and forth between them, but best to be careful. Ben was still unstable at best and she did not want him to think that she doubted his renewed dedication to the cause.

_“Paige can have the Mock Pod up in an hour or so.”_

It was quite soon, but it was Ben’s idea, and that was good enough for her. Best to do it before he changed his mind. _“That’s perfect.”_ Rey paused. _“Do you want something to eat?”_

_“Sure.”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1257 hours

#### 

“I don’t understand how you can eat like that,” Ben said, picking at his chicken.

“I don’t understand how you don’t,” Rey said, slurping at the phở in her bowl.

They were sitting cross-legged on Ben’s bed, trying to fend off Charlie the cat, who had followed Rey all the way here from the mess hall. Ben offered the cat a small piece of his chicken and she gobbled it up, purring.

“I’ve never… not had food,” he said carefully, watching her reaction.

“You’re lucky,” Rey said, gulping down the warm broth. It was a matter-of-fact statement, not one meant to garner sympathy, but he still felt it.

He could sense that she was uncomfortable, so he changed the subject. “Paige said that they will be ready to go at 1315.”

“Perfect,” she answered, finishing her food. She eyed Ben’s deconstructed chicken breast. “Are you gonna eat that?”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1317 hours

#### 

“Alright, are you both ready to go?” Paige’s voice filled the Mock Pod with optimism.

Rey and Ben were strapped into their drift suits, the crew around them checking and double checking their settings. Rey was friendly with all of the crew members on the base and she appreciated the continued silence of this set of individuals. She had recognized some of them outside of this situation and made a point to greet them and learn their names. She settled into the drift suit, cracking her neck to relieve some of the tension.

Ben clenched and unclenched his fists. He felt much less nervous than last time, but apprehension still weighed on his shoulders. He remembered little of Rey’s memories from the last drift, instead dealing with his own issues. Her presence was strangely comforting, this person who had seen him and not been afraid.

“Ready?” She asked, peering up at Ben’s impassive face. She was interested in practicing with the force bond more, but felt too tired right now.

Ben seemed to sense this and responded aloud. “Ready as I will be. Are you?”

“Yeah,” Rey said, feeling the feet of her drift suit be clamped onto the rigging in the floor. “Let’s do this.”

“...are you sure?” Ben asked as the lights in the Mock Pod began to cycle to life. “You seem…”

“I’m fine,” she said, giving him a tight smile. “I’m just tired. That’s all.”

“Okay,” Ben said, electing to trust her judgment. “Paige, we’re ready.”

Paige’s voice came over the speaker inside the pod. “Alright, drift will be initiated in thirty seconds.”

The two incipient pilots took deep breaths and began to sync their breathing. The force hummed between them, pulling their thoughts together. It was becoming more natural, this bond between them. The more time passed, the less the two of them seemed to mind.

“Here we go! In 3… 2… 1… Drift initiated!”

xxxxxxxxxx

Ben felt sudden, dry heat wash over him. The surroundings of the Mock Pod felt distant and small compared to the rush of uncomfortable warmth. Lights flashed and his breathing felt shallow. “What’s- Rey!”

Rey shook, knuckles white. She listed forward in her spot, swaying from side to side. Alarms blared and thundered through the Mock Pod.

“Ben, she’s already falling out, what’s going on?”

“I have no idea!” Ben reached out for Rey and her mind was a scramble of incoherent thoughts. “Rey, it’s me! You have to breathe, it’s going to be okay.”

“N… no,” Rey threw her arms up in front of her face. “Stop, get away from me!”

Ben felt her mind pull back, away from him, and he was yanked downward into her chase.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Ben spun on his heel, finding himself in a seedy bar. He could not tell what time of day it was, only that the main room had few people in it. Three men sat at a table in the corner, eying the tiny woman behind the counter._

_“Rey!” Ben approached the bar, watching her mix a drink for a figure at the far end. She did not respond to him, only continued her motions. A wall of liquor bottles framed her head and a set of stairs led down to what he assumed to be a basement._

_She wasn’t old enough to work in a bar, he realized. Rey was nineteen now, as far as he could remember. How old is she right now? Is she working here alone?_

_“Hey, sweetheart.” One of the men from the corner approached her, seedy smile and all. “You doin’ anything after work? We could have some fun.”_

_“Sorry, I have a boyfriend,” Rey answered bitterly, refusing to make eye contact with the creep, wiping down the bar with a rag._

_“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” the man said, grinning._

_Ben felt a wave of anger rush over him. He could already tell how this was going to end. He approached the man, intent on telling him off, but he could not grasp the collar of his shirt as he so desperately wanted to. Ben’s hands went right through him._

_It made sense, in a way. This was only a memory; the only real things here were himself and Rey. He turned to her instead, but she was walking away toward the stairs to the basement. The man jumped the bar and followed her down._

_Ben jumped the bar right after him; if he was going to wake Rey up, he had to make her realize that this wasn’t real. He stepped down the first few stairs to a shout of pain._

_The man was on the floor, the butt of Rey’s staff - the very staff Ben had accidentally broken - pushing into the small of the man’s back. He was twisted up in Rey’s legs, whining at the stress of his grinding joints._

_Rey was panting hard, barely keeping this beast in place. She pulled the staff away from him and slammed his head into the floor, neatly knocking him out. She moved to extricate herself from the man and ran up the stairs with single-minded intent, staff firmly in her grasp._

_Ben could taste her fear, frantic and all-encompassing. She could not see him or feel him until she slammed straight into his muscular body. He grasped her shoulders, hard enough to bring her back to reality. “Rey! It’s me, this isn’t real!”_

_“No, let go of me!” She screamed, shoving him back into the doorframe, much to his surprise. She punched him in the solar plexus and despite her relatively small size, it hurt like hell. She could even fight back then, able to protect herself._

_Rey squeezed past him, digging as much money out of the till as she could. The two friends of the man downstairs were standing from their chairs, confused and angry. She rushed out the front door and into the waning daylight._

_“Rey!” Ben called after her, but the edges of the room began to blur. He realized too late that they were being dragged into another piece of Rey’s past._

xxxxxxxxxx

_The next memories were a mixture of quick flashes._

_Rey continuing to lie about her age to get seedy jobs. Walking around the oppressive heat of New Mexico, staff on her back to protect her. Schmoozing boys who were too old to be approaching her for anything. Feeling the shame of asking a clinic doctor for long term birth control, not able to bring herself to explain why it was so necessary for a homeless drifter like her to have it. Crying from hunger and frustration and cold._

_In every new moment, Ben was unable to reach her before the scene shifted. She was swimming in her past, being dragged further away from him with every passing second._

_“How do I get her to come back?” Ben felt helpless. He tried to run to her. He shouted her name, begged her to listen to him, but he could not get through to her at all. She was trapped in her terror._

_They were moving into dangerous territory here. The drift could kill someone, that was well known. He could feel her emotions, unsteady and overwhelming. It was stifling._

_“Wait…” In the middle of a seedy neighborhood, Rey was walking down a street full of apartment buildings and terrible lighting. Shadows crept around her; he could not tell if they were people or perhaps a stray animal. He hoped it was neither, that his mind was playing tricks on him._

_He watched her peer sadly over her shoulder and realization hit him like a truck. There was one underlying emotion beneath them all, tying all of these situations together. Though it was a concern, it wasn’t fear for her safety._

_She was lonely._

_“Rey!” He rushed up to her with single-minded intent. Her eyes were unfocused and distant, swimming with agony. He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently this time, amazed that he managed to catch up to her before another scene drowned them._

_“B… Ben?” Her eyes began to focus, moving away from the darkness around them, to look up into his face._

_“Yes, it’s me. I’m here,” he said, voice low, standing close enough to comfort her. “You’re not stable, we have to get out of the drift.”_

_“Drift…?” Rey’s eyes were moving in and out of focus, slogging through this feeling that had encompassed most of her life. She shook her head hard, a whining noise coming from her throat._

_“Look at me, Rey,” Ben insisted, unable to keep himself from leaning into her. “Please look at me.”_

_She did, tentatively raising a hand to grasp his forearm. “You’re real,” she breathed._

_He nodded. “I’m real, I’ve been chasing after you for ages. It’s time to get out of this place. Together.”_

_“Together?” Rey’s eyes widened._

_“Yes, together.” He had never been so sure of anything in his life._

_Their surroundings splintered and fell away; she sagged into him, sobbing with relief._

xxxxxxxxxx

The scene around them dissolved and they were tossed back into their own bodies, the metal of their suits disorienting and real.

“What happened this time?!” Paige yelled into the speaker. From what Ben could tell, only a few seconds had passed. For the drifters, it had been ages.

Rey yanked her helmet off as the floor clamps disengaged, letting them both step away from the console. Ben went to her, seeing the tears streaming down her cheeks for the second time in this place. He tossed his helmet down and pulled her into an embrace. She threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder.

The door to the Mock Pod flew open and half a dozen crew members rushed in, followed by a very concerned Paige. The crew stood back, unsure of what to do.

Paige cleared her throat. “...Ben? Rey?”

They pulled apart, Ben’s mouth set in a determined line. “You’re not alone.”

Rey wiped her eyes, smiling. “Neither are you.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1401 hours

#### 

“I feel like an idiot,” Rey mumbled. They sat up on the rigging above the hangar, the scene now familiar to them both. The noise below them rumbled as always, oblivious to what the two of them had just gone through.

“Why?” Ben furrowed his eyebrows at her.

“Because I chased the rabbit. I lost control,” she answered, rubbing at her forearm. She sat barely an inch from him, his warmth comforting.

“So did I,” Ben reminded her. “And I used to be a pilot. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at it.”

“Okay,” she said, unconvinced, picking at the hem of her shirt. She felt like a failure.

“No one’s perfect, Rey,” he said, searching her face. “It takes practice.”

She smiled. “You’re very gung ho about this all of a sudden.”

He turned his head away and Rey could feel him trying to hide his embarrassment. “No, I just…”

“It’s okay. I get it.” She patted his knee and they fell into the most comfortable silence either person had ever experienced.

After several moments had passed, Ben cleared his throat. “Are you tired?”

“Yes,” she said. “Are you?”

“I am,” he said. “But I can stay awake long enough for you to take a nap.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” Rey said, standing up. “I’m sure Rose will understand if I show up to my shift a little late. Paige has probably told her everything by now.”

Ben nodded. “I’ll go to sleep when you wake up.”

“Okay,” Rey replied. She fidgeted in place as Ben stood up as well. _“Thank you, Ben.”_

The corners of his mouth turned up. _“Of course.”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1802 hours

#### 

For the first time in six years, Ben Solo does not have a nightmare. 


	20. I'm Short Of The Others' Dreams Of Being Golden And On Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben talks and Rey is determined.

#### Day 11, 1154 hours

#### 

_“Walking around homeless at seventeen is-”_

 _“-a good way to get myself hurt, blah blah. Yes Ben, I know,”_ she huffed.

The two were circling one another on the mats in the empty training room. Now that he could read her movements as she had done to him during the compatibility test, she couldn’t get a single hit on him. And he was trying to distract her, besides.

She lunged at him with the _tahn bong_ that he had so graciously lent her. He dodged it and landed a reverse knife hand strike to her neck, hard enough to let her know it was there, but not intending to harm her. _“You really don’t do well without the staff, do you?”_

_“I’ve never used a sword before,”_ Rey grumbled, reassuring herself; she knew he was not trying to be patronizing, though it sounded like it. _“That’s all.”_

Ben cocked his head to the side. _“Can we try something?”_

Rey raised an eyebrow at him, lowering the weapon. _“What do you have in mind?”_

The day had been full of experimentation and questions from Ben Solo. They had been speaking strictly with the force bond since morning and it was becoming easier over time; distance did not seem to affect the difficulty with which they communicated, but Ben had already developed a terrible habit of speaking to her out of nowhere and making her jump out of her skin.

_“If we can talk across the force bond, it’s logical that it might work similarly to the drift, in that we can learn things from one another. I may be able to transfer some of my experience to you.”_

Rey considered it for a moment. Even if it didn’t work, it was worth a try. _“Sure, why not?”_

Ben sat cross-legged on the floor and Rey moved to do the same. Their knees brushed as they sat down, a strange, yet welcome comfort. Rey sat the _tahn bong_ to the side.

_“How exactly do we go about this?”_ Rey wondered. It wasn’t at all like the drift; the neural handshake used technology to bridge the gaps between two minds, but the force bond left both Rey and Ben completely separate entities.

_“Trial and error?”_ He shrugged. _“Perhaps we need to… show it to one another?”_

_“Okay…”_ Rey wiggled closer, her knees coming to rest against Ben’s. He flushed crimson, but if Rey noticed, she did not say anything. _“Can we practice with something simple first?"_

_“...Good idea.”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1310 hours

#### 

A few hours later, Rey was showing Ben how to manipulate objects with the Force. He had knowledge of it, of course, but he was used to using his body to fight; Rey understood the necessity of using every advantage possible and had practiced this to exhaustion hundreds of times.

_“Make it dance around.”_

_“Make it what?”_ Ben mumbled, watching the _tahn bong_ scoot and slide around the floor in his unsuccessful attempts to summon it to his hand. He felt disheartened; it had been quite some time since he had not picked something up easily.

_“No, like this,”_ Rey pushed the knowledge toward his mind, grabbing at the weapon herself in that same moment. It flew to her open hand, fluid and seamless.

A light bulb sparked in Ben’s head, eyes widening as he scrambled to hold on to the information. He turned his gaze from Rey to the tahn bong and used the Force to snatch it out of her hand. She raised her arms above her head in victory, eyes bright.

_“Ta dah!”_ she said, beaming. _“Great job. I’m proud of you.”_

More red colored Ben’s cheeks. It had been many years since anyone had said such a thing to him. _“Thank you,”_ was the only response he could muster.

Rey wiggled excitedly. _“My turn, my turn!”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1528 hours

#### 

_“Ohhh, so that’s how that works,”_ Rey mused, watching Ben move through yet another form. She had gobbled up the first set of five forms as well as the more commonplace kicks.

It was such an odd situation. She could watch and feel Ben move through the motions, motions he had done thousands of times, and she could almost replicate them. Almost.

_“I’m seeing them from your perspective,”_ Rey explained, watching him. _“It… I don’t know how else to explain it, other than it feels different. When you use the Force bond to show me how to do these things, it’s showing me the way your brain has balanced your body. If that makes any sense at all?”_

_“It does,”_ Ben said, pausing. He straightened up, pulling an arm across his broad chest to stretch his shoulder. Rey found herself staring at the way the muscles in his arm moved. They were... nice. _“You can feel how I do them, but it would still take practice to do them yourself. Our bodies are completely different, different centers of gravity, height…”_

He trailed off and Rey’s eyes snapped back to his, her face heating. She was _not_ gawking like a teenager at Ben Solo’s arms. Was she? _“Yes, exactly. But it’s a great start.”_

He nodded, dark hair falling across his face. Was she… No. No, that couldn’t be true. _“I’ll show you how to use weapons later. Things other than a staff.”_

She grinned. _“Sounds perfect. But for now… Food?”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1648 hours

#### 

_“I have a shift soon,”_ Rey thought, swallowing the rest of her rice. They were in Ben’s room, as they typically were these days, though Charlie the cat was nowhere to be found.

 _“Ah,”_ Ben said, hoping his disappointment did not show across the force bond. He enjoyed her company, as odd as it felt to admit it. He couldn’t remember the last time he actively wanted to be around another person. He felt… energized when Rey was around. Like he could do anything.

_“You should nap while I’m working.”_ She patted his knee affectionately, gathering up the now dirty dishes. _“I’m going to want to sleep after I clock out.”_

Ben nodded, distracted by the brush of her hand. She had been doing that a lot since their most recent drift; a pat here, a squeeze of the hand there. She even ruffled his hair during their hours in the training rooms. He couldn’t say that he minded.

_“I’ll attempt to sleep,”_ he promised. His insomnia had improved as of late, but it still reared its ugly head now and again.

_“Good,”_ she smiled. _“I’ll see you later then.”_

He gave her a little wave and she excused herself from his room. Ben sighed and continued to pick at his meal.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2025 hours

_“Rey?”_

She dropped the wrench she was carrying on her foot. She was lucky she hadn’t broken a toe, from the abuse they had been suffering recently. She cleared her thoughts, careful to not let him know she had been hurt. _“Yes, Ben?”_

_“I wanted to talk to you about something. If you’re not too busy.”_

Rey could sense the hesitation in his message. It was something he did not want to talk about when she was physically present, that much was obvious from his tone; perhaps it was easier for him this way? She often felt like people were easier to talk to through alternate means of communication, other than face to face chatting. She used to text a lot. _“I can listen and work at the same time?”_ she offered.

_“...okay.”_

Rey waited. She cleaned off the wrench, rubbing away oil and dirt. Ben seemed to be preparing himself for the conversation and she did not want to interrupt him, or make him believe that she was not listening. She loved to listen to him, in fact. His voice put her at peace, a feeling that she hadn’t felt since… well, ever.

_“It’s about my father.”_

Well that was unexpected. Rey knew of the late Han Solo. He had been one of the first pilots, in the Class 1 Millenium Falcon, one of the first Jaegers that the military ever designed. This was long before the Kaiju fights were commercialized, so merchandise involving the first few Jaeger classes was scarce; Rey had nothing of the Falcon but pictures and articles. _“I thought… Han’s dead. Isn’t he?”_

Rey could almost hear Ben sigh across the bond. _“Yes, he is dead.”_

_“Does… this have something to do with his death?”_ Rey paused, setting down her wrench to pick up a welding torch. Han’s death had not been publicized. One moment the pilot was alive and the next he was dead, without any explanation by the military or its personnel. His co-pilot, a towering man affectionately nicknamed Chewbacca, had been given an honorable discharge from the military at his own request. No one knew where the man had gone since then.

_“Yes,”_ Ben said, fidgeting from his spot on his bed. He had slept for a short amount of time - not long enough - but it would have to do.

_“Okay,”_ Rey said, sitting on the nearby steps to rest her aching legs. _“I’m listening.”_

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2047 hours

“That’s… I’m so sorry.” As his story had progressed, Rey decided to take her break early to sit with Ben. Hip to hip, they perched on the edge of his bed, absorbing each other’s warmth.

“I still have nightmares about it,” he murmured, the Force bond too raw to rely on. He had closed it after she arrived. “I have nightmares about everything.”

“I can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t,” Rey replied. “Not with what you’ve endured.” She now knew about the accident that had killed Ben’s father, and about Ben’s involvement in it. “But you must know that that situation wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” Ben demanded, voice dropping into harsh tones. He had retreated somewhat, back to the person he was before Rey met him. She didn’t like it. “It was the last thing I ever did as a pilot. I demanded it and he died as a result.”

Rey straightened her back, refusing to be intimidated. “Alright then, show me.”

Ben furrowed his eyebrows. “There’s no time for a trip to the Mock Pods-”

“No,” she said, rearranging herself on the bed. “With the Force Bond. We can share martial arts skills, surely we can share other memories.”

Ben fidgeted. This was not what he wanted when this conversation began. He had wanted a confidant, not someone who wanted to change how he felt about his own part in his parent’s death.

Rey saw his hesitation. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine,” she soothed. “But you never grieved. I can tell.”

Ben clenched his jaw. She wasn’t wrong. His father’s death had contributed to his alienation among the Starkiller crew and among his own family members. He had always blamed himself. He wasn’t sure if they knew that. “...okay. Fine.”

“Take my hands,” Rey said, grasping Ben’s huge hands in her own as they sat facing one another. “It will ground you,” she said quietly. His palms were warm and softer than she expected.

Ben did not protest. He took comfort in her presence and synced his breathing with hers, much as they did during a Mock Pod session. The Force bond pulsed open, pleased that it was no longer being forced shut. It twined around them both, enveloping them in a sense of calm, together, peace.

Rey cleared her throat. “Whenever you’re ready, Ben.”

_“Alright.”_


	21. Say Goodbye To Your Mother, Your Father, Your Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey teaches and Ben talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter being so short. We were out of town for a couple of days and this is what I had time to do.
> 
> But fear not! The next chapter will be back to normal.

_“We HAVE to go now!” Ben thumped his fist against the wall, face contorted in rage. “Everyone else is too injured to fight right now, we are the best option. The Kaiju will pass through the Miracle Mile in less than ten minutes.”_

_Han Solo looked back and forth between his son and the man known as Chewbacca. Chewie had a broken arm and dislocated shoulder from the previous day’s fight; he couldn’t possibly pilot a Jaeger right now. The Kaiju were erratic, they always had been, and this latest beast had been particularly nasty._

_“But your injuries,” Leia started. “Han, you have a concussion-”_

_Ben ground his teeth together. “Dad,” he grunted. “We have to do this.”_

_Snoke had been experimenting on him all day and he was both exhausted and furious. The experiments that everyone wanted to push him into, just to have more pilots to get killed in battle were driving him further down the path of madness. He felt anger boiling beneath his skin, itching to get out. New pilots were important, vital, even._

_Well, if they wanted new pilot pairs, that is exactly what they would get._

_“...Alright. Alright, Ben. Let’s go.” Han waved his wife and co-pilot away. “Ben is right. We at least have to try.”_

_Ben turned and stalked off to the elevators that would take them to the Mock Pod of the barely repaired Millenium Falcon, ghosting over the worried face of his mother._

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2057 hours

#### 

Rey was jolted out of the memory as Ben curled into himself, feeling the man’s shame as acutely as if it was her own. He couldn’t stand to show her a second longer.

“I made him come with me,” Ben said solemnly. “To fight off a Kaiju. But we didn’t make it.”

“What happened?” Rey breathed. His face was contorted in a painful combination of regret and guilt. She could feel it through the Force bond and it was suffocating him, eating him from the inside out.

“I don’t… want to show you,” he whispered. The thought of showing Rey that moment in the _Millennium Falcon’s_ Conn Pod - a moment that he still had nightmares about - flooded him with a strange mix of emotions; he didn’t want her to feel his pain again and he didn’t want her to think worse of him than she inevitably did.

Rey’s heart almost cracked at how tiny he seemed in that moment. How small and scared, despite his hulking frame. “That’s fine,” she soothed, stroking the back of his hands with her thumbs. “You don’t have to show me anything.”

“He died because of me,” Ben grasped her hands tightly, anchoring himself to the now. “Trying to initiate the drift with a severe concussion… He had an aneurysm. Didn’t make it back to the med bay in time. Another Jaeger eventually took out the Kaiju, but…”

“But he was your dad,” she whispered. She didn’t know what having a dad felt like. Feeling how Ben felt just now - just then - awakened a stab of repressed wistfulness in her. Longing for a family. “Is that part of the reason why you were so… hesitant to drift with me?”

Ben cleared his throat. “Yes. I didn’t want to be forced into it, the way I had forced him. It’s utterly and supremely selfish, and hypocritical on top of all of it. Fighting with my mother for years over the compatibility tests… Everyone on the base knew. They all hated me even more after that. And I hated me too.”

Rey fell silent. She could feel the waves of Ben’s remorse across the Force bond. He was so different than the person she had met a week and a half ago. The epiphany of Snoke’s betrayal had cracked the shell of anger and solitude Ben had built around himself for years. He was raw and unsure now, a gaping wound. It was a wonder to Rey that he felt safe anywhere.

She swallowed. “You were working under the assumptions about Snoke’s tests, Ben. You were angry at your family, I felt it. If you really thought they were using you as a guinea pig, then why would you have just gone along with the compatibility tests, even after your father died? And if Han’s drift partner hadn’t been injured, would the two of them have tried to fight the Kaiju anyway?”

Ben shifted uncomfortably. “Most likely.” She was making too much sense.

“Then it isn’t your fault,” Rey murmured, still holding Ben’s large, warm hands in her own. “Just because it was you he tried to drift with doesn’t change that.”

“We weren’t compatible, Rey,” Ben started. “It could have been because of that-”

Rey planted a finger firmly on Ben’s lips to quiet him. “What if’s don’t do anyone any good, Ben. Your father could have chosen to stay behind, but he didn’t. He took the risk. It was his life, his choice. Maybe he would have died either way, but at least he didn’t run.”

She lowered her hand from his mouth and Ben almost frowned at its loss. “It came from a place of spite, Rey,” he said helplessly. “I was angry-”

“Do you think your dad would want you to blame yourself?” Rey interrupted. “Does your mom blame you?”

Ben paused, considering. “...I don’t know.” And he didn’t. He had assumed as such, considering Han had been her husband of many, many years. Despite their differences and fights here and there, Leia had adored him with an intensity Ben had rarely seen in couples.

Rey gave him a knowing look. “Perhaps you should speak with her.”

“I…” Ben stopped. He had been so full of anger and hate. He had said things - cruel things - to both his mother and uncle over the last several years. He had isolated himself from the rest of the base, Paige being the only person who had truly managed to cut through his shields of rage and self-loathing. 

It had never occurred to him that Leia did not blame him. Why wouldn’t she? He had effectively killed her husband in a fit of spite. She knew about the experiments, in a limited manner. Leia had spent years avoiding him, only speaking to him in rare instances when she needed something from him. But Rey seemed to think that this could be changed, though he held so much resentment for the woman he called mother. Snoke, Han’s death, compatibility tests, the fallout after… He wasn’t sure. She seemed distant to him, though he had to admit, he hadn’t really tried.

Could this thing between them be mended?

Was it even worth the effort?

“...I’ll think about it,” Ben conceded. That was as much as he could give right now.

Rey let loose the breath that she was holding. That was about what she expected; years of resentment and hate would not die overnight. It was almost too much to ask of him, to try to repair these things so fast. She had learned over the years that quick fixes never held for long, much the same for Jaegers as it was for people.

She nodded. “Thank you. I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone. If you decide to talk to her, then you do it when you feel ready.”

Ben nodded, feeling a pang of loneliness as she withdrew her hands and stood from his bed.

“I really have to get back to work,” Rey said, apologizing. She could feel his emotions and it made her feel like crying. Leaving him alone was the last thing she wanted, and though the _Cobalt Hammer_ was more or less finished in its repairs, she had volunteered to move on to _Stormwing_ when necessary. Rebuilding an entire limb would cost them too much time otherwise. “I’m sorry I can’t stick around. But I’ll see you later, okay?”

He nodded. “Later. I’ll try to sleep some more.”

“Okay. Bye.” She gave him a sad smile, then turned toward his bedroom door. Slipping out, she was about to close it behind her, when-

**“WARNING: Kaiju attack. WARNING: Kaiju event, Category Four. WARNING: Kaiju attack.”**

Rey shoved the heavy metal door back open as Ben jumped to his feet. “Did it say category four?!”

“There’s never been one that big before,” Ben responded, all thoughts of their previous conversation forgotten. Adrenaline was the name of the game now, the base on instant alert. Shouts echoed down the hallway.

“We need to get to LOCCENT immediately,” Rey said, Ben in agreement. “It’s Paige and Rose’s turn.”


	22. I Get A Little Bit Genghis Khan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben and Rey feel.

#### 2110 hours

#### 

LOCCENT was buzzing with activity.

Paige and Rose were being strapped into the _Cobalt Hammer_ as Ben and Rey arrived. The staff around them were furiously gathering data on the new Kaiju, whispering about its Category Four status. They were unsure how large the Kaiju could get; many refused to think about how difficult it would be to fend off Category Fives, or Kaiju that were even larger.

“Ready to go whenever you are, LOCCENT!” Rose shouted, both she and her sister secured into their Conn Pod. It had been repaired as much as possible since their previous battle, a battle that was too recent for their tastes.

The Kaiju were becoming more frequent, that much was certain. As of yet, there had been no successful attempt at closing the breach. Many methods had been used, including various types of explosives, but nothing had been successful. Rey often wondered how the Jedi Counsel did not crack under the weight of the world.

General Organa was speaking in hushed whispers to an anxious Finn. Fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket, he nodded at Leia and turned to the control panels, where the new Kaiju was being tracked. The screen showed the green blip of the new Kaiju on the radar, moving closer with each passing moment.

Ben and Rey approached the two figures. “Hello General,” Rey greeted. “Hi Finn.”

Ben watched her greet his mother, thinking back to what she had said. Being around General Organa made him feel like he could never talk to her, a sudden burst of reality that brought him out of his disorganized thoughts. He felt defensive around her, staying silent.

“Hello you two,” Leia greeted, smiling warmly at them both despite the dire circumstances. “Thank you for coming. They’ll be deploying shortly.”

Ben looked around the room, noticing a missing piece of their puzzle. “Where’s Poe?”

Leia’s expression became grim. She pulled the two incipient pilots aside, whispering. “He was injured in the last fight. The damage to the Conn Pod was worse than we thought; that Kaiju jostled Poe loose from the pinocchio rig just enough to give him a concussion and whiplash. He’s going to be okay. Eventually,” she added, noticing Ben bristle in response. Rey instinctively leaned closer to him, taking comfort in his presence. “Stormwing won’t be operational for several days yet. The hope is that he will recover enough in the meantime.”

“Staff don’t know about this,” Ben stated. “Right?”

“Right,” Leia murmured. “Morale is desperately needed right now. We won’t lie to them; if Poe truly can’t fight in the next Kaiju battle, we will let it be known. It’s at Poe’s request that we wait to see.”

Rey felt her heart fall through her stomach. She was furious that no one had told her about Poe’s injuries before. Who was she going to tell?

Ben reached across the Force bond. _“If Poe didn’t want us to know, there must be a reason.”_

Rey huffed, but said nothing else. Poe was her good friend, she cared about his well-being. She didn’t appreciate being lied to, even if it was a lie of omission. Even though all she could offer was moral support, she wanted to help in any way she could. He was important to her.

Her last thought had reached Ben unintentionally. He felt her emotions, a sudden stab of tightness in his chest, and he cleared his throat, turning away from her. Jealousy burned through his veins as he shut the Force Bond down completely.

She cared so much and it burned him to the core. He couldn’t help it, this agony that he was less able to ignore with every passing hour. His heart beat faster when she was near, hyper aware of every movement she made, whether she was standing right next to him, or sleeping on the far side of the base. Every toss of her chestnut hair, every swing of her hips brought him pain, pain that nestled into the cracks between his ribs and stayed there, eating at his heart.

Rey jolted at the loss of the bond, staring up at him with confusion. _“Why did he…?”_ She thought they were finally getting somewhere with this Force Bond situation. Was he upset? What did she do wrong? 

He said that she wasn’t alone, he said-

Ben turned his attention to the General. “Mother?”

Leia’s face brightened against the dreary atmosphere, against Rey’s mounting terror. “Yes, dear?”

“How much longer until the Convergence is ready to deploy?”

Leia looked around, speaking only when it was clear that no one else had heard. “Very soon. Perhaps a couple of days?”

“That’s great,” Rey said, side-eying Ben with more than a twinge of fear. Panic was starting to crawls its way up her spine. “Is there time for us to look at it before we pilot it? Or are the repairs still significant?” _What if he still doesn’t want to be your co-pilot?_

“It’s the Conn Pod that needs to be completed, so no, it would be difficult for either of you to glean anything from it at the moment. Luke has the schematics in his office. I’d recommend studying them,” Leia finished.

Rey nodded, eyes unfocused. “We can go pick them up after the fight.” She pushed against the Force Bond, but it was shut tightly against her. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at him, “Ben, what-”

A crewmember at the front of the room ripped off their headset, shouting, “Kaiju approaching fast!”

“Go, now!” Leia shouted, ignoring the rest of the countdown that usually preceded a Jaeger’s deployment. The Conn Pod of the _Cobalt Hammer_ slid down the guide rails into its head, the Jumphawks already prepared to haul the Jaeger into the sky.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2119 hours

#### 

It was already too close.

The _Cobalt Hammer_ was on an interception course with the new Kaiju, codenamed Nightsnare. Of what they could gather, it was a sleek, speedy Kaiju. It was swimming toward them much faster than the monsters before it, but the sisters would not be intimidated.

“Alright, what’s the plan?” Rose said, as the Jaeger under their control took step after step closer to possible death.

“Well, it seems to be some sort of snake creature with limbs,” Paige said. “I would say let’s prepare for the worst.”

“Tentacles?” Rose asked, the Jaeger rocking back and forth with each step.

“Yes. Tentacles.”

Rose sighed heavily. “I hate calamari.”

“Why is everything about food with you?” Paige asked, shaking her head.

The alarms sounded in the Conn Pod, shaking the ladies out of their conversation. “What’s going on?” General Organa’s voice came over the comm.

“It’s turned away from us, it’s heading toward the coastline!” Rose shouted. She and Paige redoubled their efforts, rushing toward the monster before it reached civilization.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2124 hours

#### 

A bridge crew member tapped on Leia’s shoulder. “General, you need to see this.”

General Organa stepped over to the control panel, reading the data that was being gathered about their newest enemy. Her eyes widened and she rushed toward the microphone. “Rose, Paige, you need to be careful, those limbs we caught on the sensors are wings.” Wings almost guaranteed a difficult battle, as so many previous fights had taught them.

“Understood!” The sisters shouted, closing in on the Kaiju fast. Only a few miles to go.

Rey clenched her fists, willing herself to calm down. Ben would not open the Force Bond, nor would he give an explanation for why he had suddenly shut her out, despite her insistent stares and pushing against the wall he had created in their minds. She moved away from him, to approach the control panel. Ben took a step toward her, then stopped short, unsure of what to do. The tension between them was completely lost on Finn, who was pacing around LOCCENT, sweating and mumbling to himself.

Rey felt a pang of sympathy for Finn, her tornado of emotions somewhat subdued. One of his partners was injured and the other could die in this battle. She briefly wondered if any of the two Starkiller pilot pairs had attempted to cross-drift. Perhaps Finn was compatible with Rose as well? She didn’t think it was likely. Drift compatibility did not seem to work that way, in her experience. Well, in her research, anyway.

“Finn, are you okay?” Rey approached the man, who stopped short, as if returning from a daze. She smiled at him encouragingly, wrapping her arms around his neck in a quick hug. She mentally chastised herself for letting Ben’s actions distract her from the threat in front of them. Rose and Paige were so, so important.

“Hi Rey,” he said, swallowing the fear in his throat as she pulled away. “I will be. As soon as she’s home.”

She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Why didn’t Poe tell us he was hurt?”

“He didn’t want you to worry,” Finn answered simply. “You and Ben need to be focusing on your own drifting anyway. Poe didn’t want to bother you with a non-life threatening injury.”

Rey crossed her arms. “You can tell him that he’s in trouble and I’m very upset at him.”

“Believe me, no one’s more upset at him than me. He didn’t even tell me at first,” Finn grumbled. “But he does understand how important it is that we keep appearances. At least for now.” He paused, then smiled. “I’ll make sure you get the chance to punch him in the arm later.”

Rey smiled in return. “Deal.” She stepped away from him, returning to Ben’s side after a moment of consideration. Physical proximity calmed some of her fear, taking in the faint, pleasant smell of his aftershave. It was so familiar now and it quelled her frantic, beating heart.

The ex-pilot tentatively opened the Force Bond again. _“Did you ask him about Poe?”_

 _“Yes,”_ Rey answered, relief flooding into Ben’s mind. _“We will give him a lecture later. Now, why did you shut me out?”_

 _“I… sometimes have problems focusing when you’re angry,”_ he responded. It wasn’t entirely untrue. The Force Bond tended to bleed strong emotions and Rey’s were no exception. Whether that was an inherent characteristic or a result of their inexperience with it, Ben was not sure. _“I wasn’t trying to upset you. I just wanted to wait until you were calm again.”_

Rey chewed on her lip. He was a lying liar, and she knew it. What he was lying about, she wasn’t sure, but she wouldn’t let on. Not yet. _“I guess I didn’t realize. Sorry.”_

Ben was glad that she did not probe him further; anything more than a cursory glance could tell her that he was lying. _“I’m sorry that I put you in distress, Rey,”_ he said, genuine feelings of remorse and comfort floating across the bond to her. _“I won’t do that again.”_

 _“Okay,”_ Rey nodded, allowing herself to be placated for now. _“Thank you.”_ Now was not the time to demand answers from him, as much as she wanted to. They were there to support Paige and Rose.

The screen that projected the Jumphawks’ live feed showed the _Cobalt Hammer_ closing in on its prey.

“Kaiju, straight ahead!”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2129 hours

#### 

“No, no, no!”

Paige and Rose ran as fast as they could toward the coast, where Nightsnare had just erupted from the water and was ravaging the buildings on the shoreline.

It was a beast like neither of the sisters had ever seen. Larger than any previous Kaiju, it was long, snake-like, and covered head to toe in dark feathers. Its wings were enormous, several times larger than the rest of its body, with more than enough power to take it to the skies, should it wish to attack from the air. It had no arms or legs to speak of, but possessed a large head with a tapered snout. Three pairs of yellow eyes sat along its skull and huge fangs jutted out from between its jaws.

It snapped its head around, roaring in fury at the _Cobalt Hammer_.

The Jaeger sprinted toward Nightsnare, intent on separating it from the coast. “Engaging Kaiju now!”


	23. Seasons Don't Fear The Reaper, Nor Do The Wind, The Sun, Or The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey has a realization and property is destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for a short chapter again, but this cut off is necessary.
> 
> As school is starting again, I may have to skip a Thursday here and there for updating. But I will do my absolute best to keep up with the planned schedule.

#### 2130 hours

#### 

The crew in LOCCENT watched as the _Cobalt Hammer_ barreled into Nightsnare, shoving it off balance and back into the water. Nightsnare swung its huge, muscular tail at the Jaeger, taking out a few buildings in the process, mere meters from the shore.

Paige and Rose stumbled back, able to keep their balance. “Alright, this thing needs to die fast,” Rose said, rearing back with a punch square to the beast’s jaw. It did not deter the monster, who snapped at the machine’s closed fist.

“What are you thinking, Rose?” Paige said, stepping back as the Kaiju’s wings flared, sending splashes of water and debris everywhere. The coastline had long been abandoned by most of the population, but many took to scavenging from the remains, looking for resources to sell. It was a veritable gold mine for those who were courageous enough to venture into the metal forests of Hong Kong.

“I’m not- woah!” Rose yelled, as the Kaiju’s tail swung again, battering the Conn Pod with a vicious strike.

“Does its tail have a stinger on it? Is that what I’m seeing, General?” Paige spoke into the comm.

“It seems so,” Leia responded from the control room, again looking over the data they had gathered. “It may be poisonous ladies, watch yourselves.”

“Always with the blue shit,” Rose said, grabbing for an eighteen wheel semi that had been long abandoned near the dock at their feet. Paige did the same with a shipping container on the dock, the sisters dodging another tail swipe and smashing the monster’s head between the two chunks of metal.

The Kaiju shrieked in pain, two of its eyes punctured and bleeding. Its wings began to beat, blasting the Jaeger with wave after wave of harsh wind. Knocked off balance, the _Cobalt Hammer_ crouched, hands against the ocean floor. It pushed off the silt and sand beneath, shoving its shoulder into the Kaiju as hard as it could.

The beast stumbled back, then roared again. It turned away from them and slithered into the city.

xxxxxxxxxx

“Oh no,” Rey murmured, watching the _Cobalt Hammer_ desperately chase after Nightsnare. It would only be a few miles before the creature found the people of Hong Kong. They needed to catch it.

Ben pressed his lips in a thin line. “They’ll get it. Paige is excellent at resource management.”

Rey felt a pang of something flare in her chest. She hadn’t seen them interact much, but Ben was closer to Paige than anyone else on the base. She had been the one that Ben requested to help them with the Mock Pod attempts, after all. Sadness overtook her when they spoke, and she wasn’t sure why. _“Am I… jealous? ...Oh god.”_

She carefully shielded this revelation from Ben, turning her focus back to the screen. She was jealous of Paige. Because…

Rey peeked at Ben from the corner of her eye. His dark eyes were transfixed on the battle, muscular arms crossed. His disheveled hair suited his countenance and Rey felt herself flush. He was in his element, despite his past attempts to remove himself from the Jaeger program, confident in a way that she had not yet seen. It was… attractive. Very much so, she realized. Her cheeks turned crimson.

“General Organa, they’re approaching the Central Plaza in the Wan Chai district,” a LOCCENT crew member pointed at the screen. The Central Plaza was one of the largest buildings in Hong Kong, towering over both the _Cobalt Hammer_ and Nightsnare. Weaving in and out of the car-laden streets, Nightsnare took cover behind a collection of buildings, leaving crushed vehicles in its wake.

Paige and Rose chased after it. The Wan Chai district had been abandoned long ago, but was frequented by scavengers. It would be impossible to tell how many people were hiding in these buildings, but the sisters were sure that the number was not zero.

“Take normal precautions, Ticos,” General Organa spoke into the comm. “Minimize damage as much as possible.”

“Yes, General!” The sisters shouted, catching up to Nightsnare and stomping hard on the end of its tail and cracking the stinger. It screeched, turning to face the Jaeger. Keeping the creature between the buildings would be a good strategy; its wings would be of less use here. It was shedding dark feathers as it slithered over bus stops and abandoned taxis.

“Ready, Rose?”

“Ready!” The chestpiece of the _Cobalt Hammer_ glowed bright, charging its chest turbine. Nightsnare pulled its tail out from under the foot of the Jaeger, dodging behind a building as the cannon blasted its charge in the Kaiju’s direction.

The _Cobalt Hammer_ tracked the monster, following it with the beam of pure energy. The building was sliced in two, roof sliding off harmlessly and crumbling to the ground. Paige cursed under her breath, shutting off the beam. It took too much power; energy cells were depleting fast and the Kaiju was much too lithe to get a good shot.

“Now what?” Rose said. “I think we should-”

“Stop! Hammer time!” Paige crowed, activating the mechanism to transform the Jaeger’s hand into the Ticos’ favorite, double-sided weapon. Nightsnare slithered between buildings, taking the Jaeger in with unsettling, intelligent eyes. Its feathered body dwarfed some of the buildings, snout peeking over the edge, snarling.

The _Cobalt Hammer_ pushed forward, sliding between two buildings and swinging the hammer at Nightsnare’s head. It pulled back and roared, lunging and clamping its jaw down on the newly transformed arm. It flailed wildly, yanking and pulling like a puppy with a new toy.

Alarms blared in the Jaeger’s cockpit. Paige and Rose pulled the Kaiju toward them, trying to minimize damage to their arm. They turned the flat of the hammer toward the Kaiju’s head, then whacked the opposite side; it smacked Nightsnare in the face, drawing a gush of blood from its previously injured eyes and knocking a fang from its mouth.

Sightless, the beast did not yield.

It re-doubled its efforts, flapping its wings in an effort to knock the sisters off balance once more. Dragging it along the ground, they planted themselves firmly against the Central Plaza building, their back to its many glass windows.

“Plasma cannon! This time we’ll hit it for sure!” Rose said, activating the chest cannon that would blast this creature to smithereens.

The red glow from their chest did not catch Nightsnare off guard. It took the brunt of the blow and did not slow down, its dark feathers glistening.

“Wha- It’s not even hurt!” Paige panicked, yelling into the comms. “What else do you have on this thing, our cannon isn’t working!”

xxxxxxxxxx

“Not working?” Finn echoed, watching the screen in front of him with increasing anxiety.

“There’s something with the feathers… I don’t think they’re actually feathers, I think they’re made of some other material! It resisted our cannon and won’t let go of the hammer!” Paige grunted as the Kaiju shoved the _Cobalt Hammer_ back against the building. “We can’t lose another limb!”

Rey chewed her lip. This was bad. This was so, so bad.

“Wait, Paige… I have an idea, but the cannon’s power cells are almost drained. We’ll only have one shot!”

“Yes, let’s do it!” Paige yelled, seeing the fully formed plan in her sister’s mind. Still unable to wrench their hammer from Nightsnare’s jaws, they spun on their heel, now facing the Plaza building. A building that they knew had a very pointy roof.

Leaning back as far as they could go, the sisters charged their plasma cannon again. It burst to life, severing the top of the building from the rest of its form. The pointed roof began to teeter in their direction, gravity doing the job that they hoped it would.

“The roof is coming down!” Rose yelled into the comm, spinning the Jaeger back around so that their back was once again toward the building.

Nightsnare thrashed; while it was not afraid of their cannon or their hammer, it appeared to fear long, pointy things. It unlocked its jaws and flared its wings, beating them suddenly in an attempt to flee.

The pointed top of the Central Plaza building fell just as the sisters had hoped, and skewered the monster straight through its body, cyan blue blood soaking the ground, the remains of the roof crushing its wings. It stopped moving almost instantly, its strangled cry cut off as blood seeped into its lungs.

The huge Kaiju was dead.

But the Tico sisters had miscalculated. The last few floors of the collapsed roof smacked the _Cobalt Hammer_ as it fell, sending the Jaeger back through the belly of the building, coming to rest inside its abandoned guts.

A sharp cry echoed from the comm as the Jaeger was hit, then silence.

“Rose?! Paige?!” Rey shrieked, clambering up next to Leia, who was watching the screen before her with a hand over her mouth.

Static reached their ears. For a full twenty three seconds, there was nothing else. And then-

“We’re alive!” Paige croaked. “Kaiju eliminated.” She coughed harshly. “I’m fine. But Rose is not.”


	24. Oh, Blame, Blame, Blame...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rose is hurt and Ben talks.

#### 2218 hours

#### 

“Oh god, Rose!” Finn pushed past the gaggle of nurses that were gathered around his girlfriend. The hospital wing smelled as sterile and unreal as ever, Rey noted, as she chased after him.

“I’m fine,” Rose croaked.

“You are absolutely not fine,” Paige admonished. The elder sister managed to walk away from the battle with Nightsnare with only bumps and scratches. But Rose…

Rose groaned as the nurse to her left gingerly attended to the Tico sister’s very broken, bloodied arm. Rey was not fantastic with anatomy, but even she could see that the forearm bone was splintered, blooming into red-purple bruises that would last weeks. Rose was still in shock, almost deathly pale, and mostly asleep.

“How did this happen?” Finn whispered, running his hands through Rose’s short, dark hair.

“A metal beam from the Central Plaza stabbed its way in through the back of the Conn Pod and hit her,” Paige answered, morose. Finn and Rey gasped.

“It’s a wonder she’s not dead,” Rey murmured, gently grasping Rose’s opposite hand. Her skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, clammy and cold.

“It’s an easy enough fix for the Pod, really. Not as big of a hole as you’d think. But that doesn’t help Rose now,” Paige murmured. “She’s probably going to need surgery.”

“Noooo,” Rose moaned, head lolling back. The nurse at her side gently guided her into a resting position, the back of the medical table raised for her comfort.

“They gave her something for the pain,” Paige explained. “She needed it.”

Finn swallowed nervously. “Stormwing isn’t ready to go yet.”

Paige shook her head. “Amazingly, the damage to the Cobalt Hammer was minimal, aside from that metal beam. It won’t take long at all to repair.”

“But you and Rose can’t possibly pilot it yourselves,” Rey protested.

“No,” Paige conceded. “But if Poe is recovered by the next attack, he and Finn can pilot the Hammer in a pinch. The Conn Pod is similar enough.”

Finn nodded. “I’ll make sure that I check it out in detail soon. Relay information to Poe, so we’re as prepared as we can be. In case that happens.”

Rey’s head was swimming. If Poe was unable to fight… “I’ll go with you, Finn. If Poe’s still out of commission…”

Finn eyed her, giving voice to the elephant in the room. “Do you think Ben would…?”

“I think I could convince him,” Rey said. She wasn’t going to force him into anything; not after everything she’d seen in his memories. She understood his reservations, though she encouraged and urged him to push past them for the good of humanity. “I can’t promise anything, though.”

“The fact that you’d try means a lot,” Paige said, nodding in approval. “But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. We will see where Poe is when the next attack happens.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 2227 hours

#### 

Ben Solo made the long, agonizing walk to his mother’s chambers.

General Organa had retired to her rooms soon after the Kaiju battle, exhaustion weighing heavily on her heart. But if Ben knew his mother, she would not be asleep yet.

He knocked on the metal door.

A quiet shuffling reached his ears, the door swung open. “...Ben?” She sounded utterly amazed, staring up at him like he was a ghost.

“Hello, mother,” he said, shifting on his feet. “May I come in?”

“O-of course,” Leia hurried to step out of his way.

Ben had not been in these rooms for years, but very little was different. Even the furniture was the same. She had the same trinkets, the same tea set that Uncle Chewie had gotten her almost a decade ago. She wore one of her silk nightgowns, an elegant pastel pink and white. She had always worn everything like a queen.

Leia motioned for him to sit in the loveseat as she perched on the edge of the couch. An uncomfortable silence settled in around them, familiar as ever.

Ben cleared his throat. “Mother-”

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

He swallowed the rest of his words as he stared at his only parent. Leia was looking at him with a gaze unrestrained, a gaze that she reserved for no one. A General had to be strong, she could not be seen to cry or weep. Yet, there were tears in his mother’s eyes as she continued.

“Luke told me everything. Everything about the conversations he’s had with you. And with Rey,” Leia sniffled, then straightened her back and willed the catharsis away. “I had no idea that the experiments were so terrible. That Snoke had done such awful things to you. I would never have supported it if I’d known.”

Ben stiffened. He still had a difficult time believing her, but his mother was Force sensitive, just as he was. Regardless of her intentions, he could feel genuine remorse flowing from her. She really was sorry. “Thank you,” was the only reply he could muster.

Leia wiped at her eyes. “I wish I could take the time necessary to make it all up to you right now. But the timeline for the next Kaiju is soon. Too soon.”

Ben nodded. “Will the Convergence be ready?”

“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully. “As of now, it looks unlikely. Stormwing is still out of commission. The Cobalt Hammer appears to be our best chance.”

“I thought Rose was injured?” He recalled Rey’s hurried explanation of Rose’s injuries before he made the decision to reach out and speak with the General.

“She has been injured, yes,” Leia said. “It is entirely possible that Poe will be healthy enough to pilot the Hammer with Finn. His health is being closely monitored.”

Ben didn’t want to think about what would happen if Poe was unable to pilot the Jaeger with Finn. “I see.” He paused, lapsing back into contemplative quiet.

Several moments passed. “Would you like something to drink?” Leia asked, breaking the silence. “Or-”

“I told Rey about Dad.”

Leia froze, mouth agape. “You…. You did?”

“Yes,” Ben murmured. “I told her the truth. I showed her.”

Leia had the good grace to return her features to a neutral state - or as neutral as she could possibly be, in this case. “What… did she say?”

Ben took a deep breath. “She said it wasn’t my fault. That Dad would have tried anyway, if Uncle Chewie hadn’t been hurt.”

Leia nodded, thoughtful. “She’s right. The outcome would have been the same. Unfortunately.”

Ben bowed his head, a heady mix of emotions swelling in his chest. “I… I didn’t mean to-”

“Benjamin Solo, of course you didn’t!” Leia gasped, leaning toward him and placing a reassuring hand on his knee. She looked at her precious son’s face, staring straight through him as she had done so many times when he was a boy. “Ben, I never… I never blamed you for Han’s death. Rey is right; he would have hopped in the Jaeger with Chewie anyway.”

Ben huffed, but did not disagree with her.

“Han made his own decisions. Including the bad ones,” Leia murmured. “But he loved you. He would not have blamed you either.”

Ben gave a tiny, imperceptible nod.

“And if I had known about the extent of his experiments, I would have strung Snoke up by his toenails,” Leia said, mirth leaking into her voice.

Ben almost quirked a smile at the image, staring down at the warm hand that was resting on his knee. He couldn’t believe it. He had spent so much time berating himself for his actions, it hadn’t occurred to him that other people simply didn’t agree with his self-assessment.

“Rey was the one who helped you remember it, is that right?”

“Yes,” Ben said, quickly explaining their first drift session in detail. He sometimes forgot that his mother had been a champion pilot in her own right.

Leia nodded, taking in the detailed way that her son described his drift partner. “It sounds like Rey is good for you.”

Ben flushed. “She’s… knowledgeable. And hard working.”

“And cute?” Leia offered, grinning.

Ben’s face turned beet red all the way to the tips of his ears. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Rey was more than just cute. Rey was everything. He regretted blocking the Force bond on the bridge, feeling deep remorse for causing her to panic. That was never his intention, but he would have to be more crafty in the future. He had to get better at hiding his thoughts. It wouldn’t do to have Rey believe that he would ever do anything to impede on their co-pilot relationship.

They were here to fight Kaiju. That was all.

Leia cleared her throat, content to let it pass. “Regardless, you need her. In more ways than one.”

Ben’s attention returned to his mother. “What do you mean?”

“Not just that she’s good for you,” Leia said, removing her hand from her son’s knee. “She has healed you in a way that none of us could. But by no means is that process complete. It will take time. And if we can find a way to close the damn breach...” Her voice took on an edge of frustration. “You both might have that time.”

Ben hadn’t considered what might happen if they closed the breach. The Kaiju had been here for years, he never let himself think about what might happen after they were gone. “Is that possible?”

“At this point…” Leia shrugged, crestfallen. Ben had never seen her look so helpless. “I don’t know, love. I don’t know.”


	25. Look Who's Digging Their Own Grave, That Is What They All Say

#### Day 12, 1054 hours

#### 

“I never had that issue!” Rey reverently took the comic book from Paige’s hands. It was one of the first, an issue that had come out when she was still a child. She thumbed through the pages with care, noting that it was in excellent shape.

Paige grinned. “My dad started getting them for me right away. He asked his Army buddies to keep an eye out for them, since he knew I loved comics so much.”

“Do you have every issue?” Rey asked, in wonder. Paige and Rose’s bedroom was a cacophony of colors. Between Paige’s comics and Rose’s large rock and geode collection, there was something beautiful to see almost everywhere you looked.

“Pretty much,” Paige shrugged. “A few companies jumped on the comic bandwagon at the same time, but I think I have them all.”

“That’s amazing,” Rey said, placing the comic back in Paige’s carefully curated filing cabinet. It was an easy way to keep them safe, she reasoned. Rey was a bit jealous that she hadn’t thought of it herself. “Could I… read them sometime?”

“Of course!” Paige said. “Just let me know when you want to borrow them. I try to keep them in good shape, but I trust you.”

Rey grinned. “Thanks!” She cocked her head for a moment, eyes glazed over, suddenly a thousand miles away.

“Uh… you okay?” Paige asked.

“Sorry - Ben’s talking to me.”

Paige raised an eyebrow. Rey had taken this whole force bond in stride amazingly well, considering who she had been bound to. They were a strange pair, but they worked together in an amazing way. “And?”

“And he has something to ask me, apparently.” Rey frowned. Ben had actually agreed to pilot the _Cobalt Hammer_ with her, if it came to that. He had been so nervous at the time, but Rey was relieved that he had agreed without much of a fight. “Why he can’t just ask me now, I have no idea.”

“Ben has always had a bit of a penchant for the dramatic,” Paige grinned. “But I’m sure it’s important to him.”

Rey nodded. “I’ll go see what he wants. Thanks again for letting me look at the comics!”

“Anytime!” Paige waved her off, watching Rey slip out the door and disappear.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1148 hours

#### 

“Are you absolutely sure?”

Ben nodded. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Rey was reeling so hard, she flopped down next to Ben on the edge of her bed. He had insisted on coming to her, and though she had cringed at the idea of him seeing her messy room, he seemed to have no problem with it at all.

“What changed your mind?”

Ben fell into a contemplative silence, staring down at the floor. His mother had much to do with his decision, not only because of her influence, but because of her concern for them both. “I… If you’re going to drift with me for real, you need to see it.” He swallowed. “I can’t think of any other way to explain it.”

Rey nodded. “I understand.” She really didn’t, but if it would make Ben feel better, she would do whatever he asked. “I’ll do it. I’ll watch your… drift with your dad.”

“You will?”

Rey took in his face, the lines of worry and trepidation framing his brown eyes. He looked much younger than his twenty-eight years, wisps of dark hair dancing around his face. It struck her all at once, that he believed in her. After years and years of believing in nothing, not even himself - he believed in her. How could she bear to fail him?

“Absolutely. When?”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1248 hours

#### 

“You do understand where I’m coming from, don’t you, Phasma?”

Leia pinched the bridge of her nose between two fingers. The black market mogul was fussing at her about the latest Kaiju conquest. Something about not wanting to go all the way to the Central Plaza to carve up Nightsnare’s corpse, as if any of them had any control over it whatsoever.

“Either you take the Kaiju, or you don’t. There are plenty of other people who would be willing to take it,” Leia snapped. She knew it was true, but she did not like losing her temper with Phasma.

The other woman clicked her tongue. “Temper, General. Wouldn’t want word of your dealings-”

“Cut the crap, Phasma. You and I both know you won’t breathe a word. And even if you do, the world will hardly blame me.”

Phasma’s continued harvesting of the Kaiju corpses had brought the world new technology, and enhanced the Jaeger’s weapons besides. The more they studied the monsters, the better they could kill them. It came at the cost of padding Phasma’s wallet, which Leia was more than willing to do, if it meant saving the world.

Phasma lowered her voice. “Are you truly prepared for that backlash?”

Leia cleared her throat. Kaiju groupies hailed the monsters as gods. The military hailed them as beasts, forbidding their use for what they deemed unsavory. She would be a martyr if she needed to be. “Absolutely. Now… where are we on research?”

Phasma was in possession of many things, including a laboratory to rival Luke’s, but without the constraints of the military. “The weapons we have devised are still in their final testing phases, but they are promising. We have discovered a few compounds that strongly affect Kaiju physiology.”

Leia nodded to herself. “Good. Tell me more.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1748 hours

#### 

Poe was grumbling, arms crossed. He, Finn, and Rey were parked in the medical ward, assessing his physical state for the third time that day. At his own insistence, of course.

“There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m fine!”

The head nurse near him pointed a finger in his face. “You have a concussion. If we get attacked today, you are not getting in that Jaeger. I am not giving you medical clearance. We will re-evaluate you tomorrow.”

“Finn!” Poe whined, helpless.

Finn shook his head. “He said no. If you die, then we’re worse off than if you never got in the Jaeger in the first place.”

“He’s right, Poe,” Rey pointed out, rubbing circles on her fellow pilot’s back to soothe him. How much it was actually helping, she wasn’t sure.

Poe threw up his arms. “We have to do _something_!”

Rey cleared her throat. “Ben and I will be piloting the Cobalt Hammer if you and Finn can’t.”

Both pairs eyes snapped from one another to her, their faces frozen in surprise and amazement. “Are… are you serious?” Finn squeaked.

“Yes. He agreed to it,” Rey answered. “We just have to… practice one more time. Tomorrow. And then we’ll be ready.” She did not want to tell them about the plan for tomorrow. When she promised Ben that she’d watch Han die.

“I’m…” Poe trailed off. He wasn’t Ben’s biggest fan, but even he could see that Ben meant something to Rey. “I’m amazed. You’ve been on the base for two weeks and he’s a completely different person.”

Rey blushed, scratching the side of her nose. “Well… A Force bond will do that.”

“I’m not convinced it’s the bond,” Finn murmured, running his hand over his love’s hair. Poe preened, almost purring like a cat.

“What does that mean?” Rey asked.

“It means,” Poe said, loudly. “That Ben is-”

Finn elbowed him in the side, hard.

“Ow! What was that for?” Poe yelled. “Abuse! Domestic abuse!” The nurses nearby only rolled their eyes, suppressed smiles gracing their faces as they walked off.

Finn joined in the eye rolling, as Rey laughed. “Oh please.”

Poe looked at Rey, eyes wide, faux innocence dripping from his voice. “You saw him do that, right?”

Rey grinned, letting her curiosity at Poe’s interrupted words fade away. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Argh!” Poe jumped off the exam table. “You both suck. I’m going to get dinner.”

“Wait for us!”

xxxxxxxxxx

_Ben dreams of a desert._

_Fear grips him, suffocating any hope that he dare have in this uncaring wasteland. It pulses through his mind, through his tiny ten-year-old body, making his limbs shake. Unsteady and unwieldy, he traipses through the sand, covering his face when it gusts into his eyes._

_The feeling in his chest remains. He is disappointing the person he is meant to find. He just knows it. They are there in the distance. While he can never get close to them - they take two steps away as he takes one step forward - he can feel their regret. Can feel his own shame._

_Tears stream down his cheeks, the only moisture in this forsaken place. He blindly stumbles forward, intent on explaining to this person that he is not a failure. He is not a mistake._

_...is he?_

_The sand swallows him up, as if he is unworthy of an answer. Unworthy of anything._

_He does not fight this time, but lets the ground take him._


	26. It’s Gonna Take A Lot To Drag Me Away From You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey sees and Ben heals.

#### Day 13, 1236 hours

#### 

The time to drift with Rey again came too soon.

Ben had been utterly incapable of more than few hours of sleep, which was even worse than his usual insomnia. But he had to do this. She had to see the kind of person he was - who he _really_ was - before they drifted in a real Jaeger. Logic dictated that they could see anything in each other’s minds and he did not want to catch Rey unawares at an inopportune moment.

In reality, he was hoping against hope that she would see him fully, completely, and not run away.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” Rey asked, peering up at her drift partner.

Ben was pale as a ghost, lips almost bloodless, but nodded his head. “It’s necessary. And it will strengthen us as drift partners.”

“If you’re sure,” Rey murmured, as the crew in the Mock Pod strapped them in once more. “You look tired.”

“I am tired,” he responded, slipping his helmet over his crown of dark hair.

Rey found the stray tufts of hair endearing, but she would never tell him that.

Her emotions concerning Ben Solo had become more clear since Paige and Rose’s battle. Seeing him on the bridge was… enlightening. She had never seen him more confident, in a way that was not condescending or disparaging. God help her, but it was kind of sexy.

She shut that thought out immediately. She couldn’t have him seeing that; it would make this whole drifting situation horrendously awkward. He’d be uncomfortable and never look at her again.

She wasn’t sure she could bear that.

It had been about a week and a half since Ben came into her life, since the force bond had wreaked havoc on their privacy. Now, as strange as it might have sounded to others, she could not bear the thought of not having him there. He was like another limb, something that had become so essential to her life that she couldn’t function without it. It struck her that most people would be uncomfortable with such a strong attachment so quickly - but not Rey. She had never felt so comfortable with another person. He brought her a calmness that she couldn’t reach with anyone else, not even the Tico sisters. Or even Connix, who had been told more than was strictly allowed about the nature of her and Ben’s… relationship.

But even if the Kaiju were defeated in their lifetime, the force bond would remain. Such bonds had existed for thousands of years and were documented, albeit rarely. It brought her to accept a simple, uncomplicated truth.

She was Ben’s and Ben was hers. That’s all there was to it.

“Rey?”

She jolted out of her reverie. “Uh, yes? Sorry.”

“I was saying that I didn’t sleep much last night. And then I was asking if you’re ready to go,” Ben said, watching her with concern.

Rey felt a pang in her chest, realizing how much he cared. “I’m sorry you’re so tired,” she said, noting that this was likely why he was not speaking to her through the bond. It was getting stronger by the day, but they were not quite at the point where speaking in their minds was less effort than talking aloud. She imagined that it would happen quite soon. “I’m ready to go whenever you are.”

“Okay,” Ben said, feeling the pinocchio rig lock his feet into place.

“Okay you two, thirty seconds!” Paige’s voice came over the speaker.

“I’ll end up chasing the rabbit, with any luck,” Ben said, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed anxiously.

Rey chuckled. “The only time it’s been intentional.”

“Yes,” Ben said, opening and closing his fists. “How ironic.”

The Mock Pod around them whirred to life. Rey braced herself to be sucked into Ben’s mind. _“It’s going to be okay, Ben.”_

_“I’m glad one of us thinks so.”_

Paige’s voice echoed over the speaker again. “Five seconds! Initiating drift!”

With Ben purposely focusing on the last memory of his father, the two were sucked into each other’s minds. Paige was vaguely aware of their goal and did nothing to stop it when the machines began to scream their alarm.

As predicted, Ben began to chase the rabbit, and Rey followed him down.

xxxxxxxxxx

_Rey found herself standing in the middle of the Millennium Falcon’s Conn Pod._

_Ben and his father were being strapped into the Jaeger, alarms from the Kaiju’s impending attack blaring around them. Crewmembers that she did not recognize were rushing to and fro, frantically working to get the Conn Pod ready to go._

_“Both of you be careful, please.” Leia’s voice came over the speaker into the pod. Her voice was laced with concern. “I’ll be waiting for you to get back.”_

_Han cleared his throat. “Don’t worry, Princess. We’ll be back.”_

_Ben scoffed. Han’s pet name for his mother always rubbed him the wrong way. He hated the veneer of fragility it gave to his parent, when she was everything but. He always wondered why she let Han call her that. “Let’s go already! We have minutes until the Kaiju reaches the city!”_

_“Alright, you’re right. Let’s go.” Han settled into the pinocchio rig as the Conn Pod lurched to life. The crewmembers scurried to exit and shut the door behind them. Ben clenched his jaw in determination._

_“Fifteen seconds!” Came a voice over the speaker. Ben could almost see his mother’s face, lined with worry. She always looked like that when Han was out in battle._

_He couldn’t imagine that she spent that energy worrying about him._

_Anger and jealousy flared up in him as the countdown rang in his ears. “Five… four… three… drift initiating… now!”_

_The pons tech that allowed pilots to drift together flared to life, attempting to fuse the minds of the father and son pair. Almost immediately, the alarms inside the Pod began to screech._

_“Ben! Ben, you’re already unstable, rein yourself in!”_

_Leia didn’t give a damn about him, she didn’t care about what Snoke was putting him through every day, she didn’t care, she was his fucking mother and she didn’t care-_

_“BEN!”_

_The instability of the drift sent Han reeling, a coiled spring of inevitable destruction roaring through his brain. He collapsed inside the drift suit, its frame the only thing holding him upright. In a few brief seconds, he lost consciousness._

_LOCCENT shut down the Conn Pod as Han’s vital signs raced across their screens. Crewmembers scrambled into the Pod, detaching the suit from the pinocchio rig and taking the older man away._

_Ben watched him go, a mix of anger and confusion permeating his mind. What… what is going on? Where are they taking him?_

_“Ben?”_

_Ben Solo’s face snaps to Rey. “You… What’s-”_

_“This is a memory, Ben. I know it doesn’t feel like one to you, but it is. You have to believe me,” she said, watching his face contort in misery._

_“My dad-”_

_“He’s… dead. He’s dead, Ben. He dies.”_

_Ben pulls off the drift helmet and tosses it to the floor. “What are you talking about?”_

_Rey feels tears spring to her eyes. “You know this is a memory. You can feel it, because you can feel me. Han is dead. He has an aneurysm and dies. I know that you remember.”_

_This Ben clenches his jaw, mind furiously working. She isn’t wrong and she can tell from his reaction that she is getting through to him. “But he can’t… He’s my dad.” His brain whirs at a mile a minute, the reality of his actions sinking in._

_“I know,” she said, voice cracking. He looks so much younger here. Snoke’s influence has already taken hold in his heart, but this was the final straw, the thing that had truly broken him. “You’re going to spend so much time blaming yourself, Ben. But it isn’t your fault. You and Han weren’t compatible and you both knew that. You tried anyway, for the sake of the world. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”_

_“I should have tried harder, I was angry-”_

_Rey cuts him off. “Everyone makes mistakes. You know that more than most. Han would have tried to drift with your Uncle if he was well enough to do so. You know that too.”_

_“But the instability-”_

_“Is a moot point,” she said gently, taking small steps toward him. “By the time you meet me, a lot more research has been done. We know that even a small concussion practically guarantees permanent damage, regardless of the compatibility of the pilots. Anyone who tried to do it anyway was foolish and so, so brave.”_

_Ben stares down at his hands and says nothing._

_“You had a part in his death, there is no denying that. But you didn’t know what was going to happen. It wasn’t your fault.”_

_The Conn Pod around them shatters like a pane of glass and the two pilots are catapulted back to their own bodies._

xxxxxxxxxx

Ben wrenched his helmet off first, letting it drop to the floor with a thud as Rey clambered into his personal space. Her own helmet joined his on the floor, skittering across the metal surface.

Hot tears dripped down Ben’s face as Rey pressed her forehead to his, standing on her tiptoes as he wound his arms around her waist. “Shhh, it’s okay…” she murmured, running her hands through his sweat-soaked hair. “I’m here, it’s okay…”

He shuddered and hiccupped, breathing her in. “Thank you,” he whispered. He had wanted her to see what he’d done. He never imagined that she would try to fix it and give him what closure he could have.

“Always,” she said, content to hold him for as long as he would let her.

The strangest feeling uncoiled itself from Ben’s chest, releasing him from the chains of misery he had trapped himself in for so long. Together, they pulled at the emotion and flung it away, as far as they could, into an abyss from which it could not hope to escape.

Standing together in the middle of the Mock Pod, forehead to forehead, the force bond hummed in what could only be described as pleasure. This was right. Everything was finally right.

Rey brushed the tears away with her thumb, feeling the lightness that now danced around his heart. She felt a rush of happiness at his newfound freedom and threw it across the force bond. He responded with an overwhelming pulse of gratitude and joy.

Faces still close, they separated. “Rey.”

She smiled. “Hi.”

“Rey,” he said, swallowing. “I-”

**WARNING: Kaiju attack. WARNING: Kaiju attack. Two catagory four Kaiju. Repeat, two category four Kaiju. WARNING: Immediate deployment necessary. WARNING: Kaiju double event.**

“Two?!” Rey screeched, dropping her grip on Ben.

His face immediately turned to business, drawing himself up to his full height. “It’s a good thing we’re here already.”

Paige’s voice came over the speaker. “Poe still can’t-”

“We know!” Rey yelled, then turned to Ben. “Well?”

He grabbed his helmet off the floor, determinedly jamming it onto his head. “Let’s go kill us some Kaiju.”


	27. I Think You're Already Leavin', Feels Like Your Hand Is On The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we finally got in the damn Jaeger.

#### 1321 hours

#### 

“You better not break her!” Rose yelled into the microphone at LOCCENT, already having damn well enough of the contraption around her arm that was supposed to hold it steady. Finn coaxed her back into a chair, rubbing soothing circles into her shoulders with his thumbs.

Poe huffed, standing nearby. “I’m not any happier than you, Rose. But we gotta trust them.”

“I do trust them,” Rose mumbled. “But she’s my Jaeger.”

“She’s mine, too,” Paige said, handing her sister a cup of water. Rose took it with her good hand, grumbling all the way.

“They’ll be fine,” Finn said. “Rey is a quick learner and astute besides. She spent hours poring over how to pilot her. And Ben’s done this before. He knows.”

Rose hummed in acknowledgement. The group of four watched as General Organa approached the head of the room to speak to the pair of pilots that were being strapped into the _Cobalt Hammer_.

Leia cleared her throat. “Ben? Rey?”

“Yes, General?” Rey’s voice, clear and determined, reached the ears of everyone in LOCCENT. She had carefully ignored Rose’s colorful outburst.

Leia pursed her lips for a brief moment. “Our two Kaiju are codenamed Cinderfang and Steelblight. The former appears to have a giant set of jaws, is quadrupedal, and has a short, thick tail. The latter has six limbs, what appear to be large sacs on its throat, and a multi-pronged tail.”

 _“Why is it always the tail?”_ Ben asked, and Rey snickered.

“We will give you both more details when we can. For now, they are both enormous Kaiju, Category Four as you know. Strategy will be paramount in this battle. We cannot lose the Cobalt Hammer.”

“Yes, ma’am!” They both responded. The pinocchio rig strapped them into place, securing them inside this foreign machine. Any anxiety that Rey felt about suddenly piloting this Jaeger was quelled by Ben. He had done this before, been in a Jaeger before. He knew how they moved, how they worked, and she had done more than her fair share of research into the _Cobalt Hammer_ itself. They had many goodies at their disposal.

 _“So what’s our strategy?”_ Rey asked.

Ben didn’t say anything for several seconds. Then, _“We must be realistic. The goal of these things has always been to destroy our cities and kill our people. But fighting two Category Fours at once is akin to suicide-”_

_“So we have to give up the city.”_

_“Some of it,”_ Ben offered. _“Probably.”_ He paused again. _“We have to take what we can get. If it’s possible for us to trap one of them while we take out the other one, that’s preferable. But if we can’t…”_

Rey nodded. _“I understand.”_

There needed to be sacrifices here, as much as it pained Rey to think of it. Buildings would have to go down. Roads would have to be destroyed, even if they were just a distraction for the Kaiju. If they could take down one monster at a time, their job would be immeasurably easier. And with an unfamiliar Jaeger, they would take what they could get.

“Please be careful,” Leia said quietly, clearing her throat again. “Ben-”

“We’ll be fine, mom.”

Leia only nodded, though the two pilots could not see it. “Thirty seconds until deployment,” she said, then turned away from the console.

_“Are we ready for this?”_

_“Probably not.”_

Both pilots grinned as the countdown began.

xxxxxxxxxx

A masculine figure slipped through the mission control door, sidling up to the back row of desks with interest. Paige was the first to notice his presence, as the Conn Pod to her Jaeger began to fall, with Rey and Ben inside.

“Luke?” She approached the researcher in surprise. “You aren’t usually here for these.”

“I had to see it with my own two eyes,” Luke said, fidgeting with a pen and noting that he was about to be swarmed by four specific individuals. The young pilots in LOCCENT rarely left him alone when he was around, so he made a point to never be around. He felt a great deal of affection for them, but he simply didn’t have the energy most days.

 _“In your old, old age,”_ Leia said, conjuring up an image of Luke with a cane.

 _“Pfft,”_ he scoffed. _“You’re older than I am.”_

 _“By eighteen minutes,”_ Leia responded. _“We both know I carry age better.”_

As expected, the four pilots were trying to engage him in conversation. He had long ago perfected the art of speaking to others and listening to his sister at all times. _“How are they?”_

 _“About as well as they can be, given the circumstances,”_ Leia answered, surreptitiously watching the group from across the control room. _“These four will be okay, though I’m worried that Rose will do more damage to herself if she continues to refuse to rest.”_

“So I hear that you aren’t resting your injury, Rose,” Luke said, extending the pen in his hand toward her forearm, with the intention of poking it.

“No!” Rose swatted the pen away with her good hand. “Don’t listen to her!” She turned to glare in Leia’s direction. The General only chuckled.

 _“Thank you,”_ Leia said. _“They could use a bit of distraction. Rose especially.”_

 _“My specialty,”_ he offered, and she could feel the smile through their Force bond.

As the _Cobalt Hammer_ was lifted out of the hangar by a dozen Jumphawks, Luke engaged the four remaining pilots in conversation about their injuries.

Leia shifted her gaze back and forth between the giant screen before them and the radar on the nearby control panel. Truth be told, she was worried about losing the _Cobalt Hammer_. She had faith in Ben and Rey’s abilities, but two Kaiju at once had never been seen before. They would gang up on the two pilots for sure. She only hoped that Ben and Rey could succeed despite the odds.

 _“I’ve diverted all available resources and personnel to the Convergence,”_ she told Luke. _“It should be ready in a matter of hours, or even sooner. If only these monsters had waited just a little bit longer.”_

 _“Perhaps keeping it for a larger battle is a better decision,”_ Luke offered, listening to Rose’s explanation of the surgery she would soon have to endure. He marvelled at her tenacity, to be up here in LOCCENT while in so much pain. _“If multiple Kaiju become a trend…”_

Leia sighed. _“Yes, you’re right.”_

 _“As usual,”_ he chuckled. _“I have no doubt that Ben and Rey can do this.”_

Leia’s emotions were a mix of turmoil and hope, bleeding into her twin’s mind. _“Even if the Cobalt Hammer is destroyed-”_

 _“That isn’t an option,”_ Luke corrected, soothing her across their bond. _“They can do this.”_

 _“I know they can,”_ Leia huffed. _“But for how long?”_

xxxxxxxxxx

Being in a Jaeger was everything that Rey had ever dreamed of.

The Conn Pod was a dream, the _Cobalt Hammer_ responding to every movement. The pinocchio rig beneath their feet was all smooth movements, oiled to perfection. The distal interfaces in their hands swung the Jaeger’s massive arms back and forth, building momentum in the direction of the two Kaiju. Their radar system was beeping in alarm, warning them that one Kaiju was fast approaching, while the other was hanging back.

She had no doubt that they were planning something. As time had gone on, she was confident that the Kaiju were getting smarter with every iteration. This was a chance to see two of them interact and, though the circumstances were terrifying, it would give them valuable insight into the nature of these monsters. She only hoped that they could glean as much as possible from this interaction.

And then, there was Ben.

Ben was in tune with her every moment, their minds perfectly entwined. The drift between them was more stable than it had ever been, and indeed, was more than stable enough to pilot a Jaeger. Ben’s mind was clear, unmuddled by the past. He was determined - more than she had ever seen - and it made her feel safe.

Ben sensed this in her mind and his consciousness danced around her own, letting her know that he considered it a privilege.

“LOCCENT, we are approaching the first Kaiju,” Ben said into the comm, controlling the right side of the Jaeger as Rey eagerly threw herself into her left half. “The other is hanging back for whatever reason, please keep track of it for us.”

“It appears as though the one approaching you is Cinderfang,” Leia said into the comm. “Be careful.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Rey said. _“Ready?”_

_“Ready. Let’s go.”_

The _Cobalt Hammer_ surged forward to meet the Kaiju as it burst from the water.

Cinderfang was indeed like LOCCENT’s description of it, but unfortunately so much more. Its jaws were much like an alligator’s, full of teeth that were several meters long. Its four, stumpy legs were muscular and clawed, its six eyes trained keenly on the machine before it. It roared in challenge, its tail swinging back and forth, sleek fish-like scales coating its entire body. Red liquid dripped from between its monstrous jaws, steaming as it hit the water below.

_“Is that…? Flaming acid?”_

_“I wouldn’t put it past these beasts,”_ Ben replied. _“It’s an approximation, at least.”_

Rey steeled herself, quickly running through the Jaeger’s arsenal. Its internal organs might be resistant to fire, but the _Cobalt Hammer_ had many toys available. “Engaging Kaiju now!”

The _Cobalt Hammer_ rushed forward, dodging to the side as Cinderfang belched hot liquid in their direction. The flaming substance collapsed into the sea as the Jaeger reared back and punched the Kaiju directly in the jaw.

Teeth scattered from the monster’s mouth. It roared in pain as the steaming fluid oozed into the wounds left behind. The pilots quickly dipped the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ hand into the water, fending off the acid that had attached itself to the knuckles of their right hand. The Kaiju snapped at their shoulder, but they were able to dodge just in time, avoiding the splashes of acid that flew everywhere with every movement of Cinderfang.

 _“We need to do something about that acid,”_ Rey said, the Jaeger stumbling back.

 _“I have an idea,”_ Ben responded, showing her his idea through their shared mind.

Rey nodded. They surged forward, cracking the beast on the other side of its jaw. More teeth fell into the sea, exposing the inside of creature’s mouth. It screeched in pain, snapping at them once more. Its long snout kept them a good distance from its body and it pushed against them, forcing them back toward the shore.

_“Ready?”_

_“Go!”_ In unison, the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ arms lunged forward, grappling with the Kaiju’s mouth. The hands of the Jaeger pried the beast’s jaws open inch by inch, watching the fiery acid drip into the water. The monster’s tongue flailed, trying desperately to reach the fingers that were digging into its soft palate.

Staring down Cinderfang’s gullet, Ben activated the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ plasma cannon. The center of the Jaeger’s chest began to glow red, pulsing with deadly energy.

“Firing plasma cannon!” Rey yelled, aiming the blast at the creature’s legs. The cannon swiped from left to right across the Kaiju’s front legs, hitting its knees with a blast that could melt steel.

It collapsed forward, jaws still in the hands of the _Cobalt Hammer_. Rey and Ben awkwardly kept hold of the beast’s head as it fell, dragging it down into the depths, flooding the creature’s mouth with icy seawater. Over the comm, LOCCENT roared its approval.

“Wait- The other Kaiju is making its move!” Paige’s voice came over the comm. “Watch out!”

Ben and Rey released their hold on Cinderfang just long enough to watch Steelblight’s massive, fluorescent body burst from the surface of the waves, wrap its four front legs around the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ right arm - and pull.


	28. Since One Day You Will Disappear, I’ll Keep Every Part Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kaiju are fought and damage is done.

The alarms inside the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ cockpit blared, an ungodly sound that filled Rey’s mind with fear. Steelblight, the massive Kaiju who was clinging to Ben’s arm, screeched and screamed, slowly prying the shoulder socket apart.

Cinderfang pulled itself awkwardly from the cold waters, the fiery substance in its mouth utterly quenched by the salty sea. It gave pause for only a moment, watching. Almost… studying the fight. The pilots had no time to consider its actions.

_“What does Paige say when they use this? I don’t remember,”_ Rey said, punching the button that would transform her hand into the Tico sisters’ favorite weapon.

_“Don’t worry about it,”_ Ben smirked, watching Rey swing the huge hammer across their chest and smash into the upper joints of Steelblight’s spindly, insectoid legs. The beast roared, two of its three right legs crippled and crushed. It lost its hold on Ben’s arm, slipping away from the metal just enough to allow Ben to swing a reverse hammer fist at its ugly, frog-like face.

Its pointed nose caved in, sending it stumbling back and shaking its head to regain its bearings. Cinderfang charged forward, catching the Jaeger across the stomach with its protruding jaw. Sparks flew, the Kaiju snapping violently at the metal. Rey and Ben stumbled back, the former bringing the hammer straight across the Kaiju’s face, hearing a deafening _crack_.

From its howl of pain, it was certain the monster’s jaw was broken. It bellowed low in its throat, but was reluctant to open its mouth again, intense pain radiating up into its skull. Blood tinged the churning waters blue.

A masculine voice from LOCCENT made its way to their ears, distinctly Poe-like. “You guys are doing great, keep it up!”

Steelblight reared back, bounding forward with its remaining four legs, listing heavily to its right side. Ben pulled back his fist and punched the monster in the neck, sending it off balance and sprawling into the water, spiked tail flailing wildly. The membranous sacs on its neck pulsed with an eerie blue-green glow.

“This one has acid, LOCCENT,” Rey said, as Ben pulled the right leg away from where Steelblight had just collapsed. Its legs had quite a long reach - if it were to grab them and drag them under, it would be devastating. The weight of the Kaijus might be their own downfall; they were heavy, but slow, and it was easier to dodge them than to take the brunt of their attacks.

“You two watch yourselves!” Rose hollered into the comm. The cobalt in the Jaeger’s armor could quickly turn into a boon for the two Kaiju if the acid from Steelblight hit it at the wrong place or the wrong time. “That armor is very susceptible to their acid!”

“I thought that was the point?” Ben asked, flipping a switch on the Jaeger’s control panel. The giant, cobalt panels on the Jaeger’s forearms detached themselves from its form, Ben and Rey taking one large panel in each of their mechanical hands. Cinderfang lunged at them again and they dodged, viciously stabbing both of the sharp panels into the Kaiju’s upper back.

Cinderfang screamed, wriggling away from the Jaeger. The _Cobalt Hammer_ sidestepped away from the Kaiju, putting Cinderfang between itself and Steelblight.

The latter scrambled to its feet. It roared, hobbling forward on its remaining limbs, oozing blue blood into the water. The sacs on its neck began to inflate.

_“It’s going to shoot at us, ready?”_ Rey swept forward, using her left arm to shove Cinderfang’s head toward its counterpart.

The Kaiju were just close enough together that Steelblight’s stream of acid did not make its mark. Cinderfang collided with its Kaiju partner, sending Steelblight’s acid in every direction, including onto the cobalt armor that was haphazardly stabbed into Cinderfang’s back. The armor pieces began to shimmer, clouds of flammable gas billowing off of the creature’s body. Acid ate through the cobalt and just as the metal began to melt away, Rey brought the hammer down on the jagged pieces.

Cinderfang roared and thrashed, the cobalt pieces stabbing deep into the monster. Acid burned the wounds, Steelblight screeching at its partner’s plight. Rey withdrew the hammer in favor of another weapon.

“Again!” Ben yelled, slamming the button that would ignite the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ chest turbine. The beam of plasma swept across Cinderfang’s back - causing the acid-drenched cobalt pieces to burst into flame - and landed squarely on Steelblight’s acid sacs, slitting them open and spilling the contents into the sea.

LOCCENT roared its approval.

Cinderfang was thrashing about, finally doing a barrel roll into the water below to quench the flames on its back. Steelblight was losing blood fast, the cut across its neck exposing bright blue arteries. It charged around its comrade, Ben and Rey catching it by its shoulders. It screeched in their faces, giving them an unwanted view of its gullet, the distinct memory of how Kaijus smell bringing itself to the forefront of their mind. Shaking its head from side to side, it showered them in acidic blood, tinting their viewscreen blue.

“Ugh, gross,” Rey said, guiding the Jaeger to step forward, pushing Steelblight back as Cinderfang was slowly making its way to its feet. Its injuries were definitely slowing it down. They might not have to involve the city after all.

“Wait, watch out!” Ben yelled, as Steelblight’s spiked tail came crashing into the Conn Pod.

Rey yelped as they were thrown about, the Jaeger sending out very clear signals that there was significant damage to their exterior. “It’s always the damn tails!” Rey reached for one of the Kaiju’s crippled legs and pulled, Ben’s arm still bracing against the Kaiju’s opposite shoulder.

It peeled away like the stem of a perfectly ripe pair, its owner bellowing in pain. Rey tossed it over her shoulder, reaching for the next one with her re-formed hand. “She loves me, she loves me not…”

Ben laughed - actually _laughed_ \- and Rey laughed with him, adrenaline-laced joy dancing through their mind. The Force bond shimmered and rippled, becoming more concrete for every second that they were connected. The stronger the drift, the better the fighters, and that rule was made for them. Vague noises of approval from LOCCENT reached their ears, but they were too enamored with the battle - and each other - to notice.

But Cinderfang had had enough. It finally clambered to its feet, charging forward with enough force to shove the _Cobalt Hammer_ off balance. Ben and Rey lost their grip on Steelblight’s shoulder, sliding back across the bottom of the ocean. Bracing themselves against the silt below, Cinderfang opened its mouth and closed its massive jaws around Rey’s arm.

“Shit!” Ben flailed, red lights flashing in their faces. He punched Cinderfang’s head repeatedly, trying to force it to let go of the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ left arm. Its skull was thick and appeared to take no damage. Steelblight rushed forward, grappling with Ben’s arm, holding it back.

“Ben!” Rey screeched, the fury of the two Kaiju pulling them back and forth setting their mouths in lines of grim determination. _“We have one more shot!”_

_“Go!”_

Rey activated the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ plasma cannon again, using up the last of the weapon’s power. She raised her arm above their Conn Pod, pulling Cinderfang’s jaws close enough to kill, exposing the bottom of its head to the Jaeger. The plasma cannon discharged, shooting a concentrated beam of energy up, straight through the fleshy bottom of the Kaiju’s head, cooking its brain inside its skull.

LOCCENT was shouting at them, but they couldn’t hear a thing over Steelblight’s sorrowful bellow. Rey snatched her arm back from Cinderfang as its corpse fell back into the water, just in time for Steelblight to shove them, pushing them back toward the shoreline.

“When did we get that close to the city?” Rey breathed, being thrown around as the remaining Kaiju shoved them again and again. She had not realized how close the battle had gotten them to the buildings nearby.

Steelblight bellowed its challenge, blue blood still dripping from its face and neck. It clamped its remaining front legs around Ben’s arm, biting down on the juncture between neck and shoulder.

Sparks erupted in the beast’s mouth, but it did not waver as it all but climbed up the Jaeger’s body. The acidic blood began to eat away at the metal, dripping between pieces of armor and into the arm joint of the machine.

“No no no!” Rey yelled, shoving her hand against Steelblight’s face, trying to push it away. It only pulled chunks of metal with it and redoubled its efforts, rubbing its bleeding injuries all over the Cobalt Hammer. LOCCENT yelled something that neither of them could process.

Steelblight reared back, tightening its hold on Ben’s arm, and bit down on the Conn Pod itself.

The air pressure in the cockpit changed.

Rey was flooded with terror as she looked up, seeing that the Kaiju had pierced their haven, dangerously close to where Ben was strapped in. _“My Ben.”_

Its blood was dripping inside the Conn Pod, guttural noises all the more real. It ripped and tore chunks of metal off, the rush of salty air flooding the Pod. Rey frantically punched at the creature, spending a few precious moments to revert her hand back into the hammer, looking back and forth between the screen in front of her and the beast’s jaws above.

Ben attempted to wriggle his arm free, but the Kaiju had it firmly in its grasp. He tried in vain to knee the monster, but its torso was not quite close enough. It was strong, much stronger than any Kaiju that Ben had faced in his distant past. The beast was breaking into the Conn Pod directly above his head and they had no cannon to speak of. It should frighten him - but he had Rey.

Rey smacked the beast with her hammer, to no avail.

The Kaiju’s tail began to beat on the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ chest. It destroyed the Jaeger’s armor, battering it over and over again, pieces falling forgotten into the black water below. Time had somehow come to a crawl.

The monster’s teeth worked their way into the Conn Pod, the tumultuous battle tossing the pilots back and forth, fraying their connections to the pinocchio rig. Rey stared up at Steelblight’s head as she tried in vain to smack it away.

Yanking one last piece from the Pod’s metal shell, the Kaiju worked its front legs into the hole it had made, slowly splitting the skull of the Jaeger in two. Pulling Ben away from her.

Ice cold fear that she had never known flooded her veins. He wasn’t safe. Nothing else mattered right now except keeping him safe.

“NO!” Rey smacked the creature again and again, jostling it, shoving it, but-

“Rey, don’t panic, REY-”

The Conn Pod snapped open, half of the Jaeger’s head splintered from the rest of its body, tossed away into the sea.

And Ben was gone.


	29. Let's Make A Plan To Meet Somewhere That Is Most Far From Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are victories and loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for getting this chapter out a day late. I took a much needed mental health day yesterday. But... we're almost to the chapter I've been waiting for!

Ben was gone.

The drift was splintered. Rey frantically reached for the Force bond - and found nothing.

_“He’s gone. He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dea-”_

“Rey, focus!” Paige’s voice crackled over the comm, passing in one of Rey’s ears and out the other. Steelblight continued its assault on the _Cobalt Hammer_ , shrieking and biting down on its exposed and shattered Conn Pod. The salty sea air whipped around them, a faint whistling and moaning in her ears.

All sound was muted in the wake of her drift suit, but that didn’t matter.

Ben wasn’t here.

Steelblight violently jostled the Jaeger, throwing Rey from side to side as her connection to the pinocchio rig continued to fray. Blood and saliva dripped from the monster’s maw, acidic liquid melting the metal inside of the Conn Pod. The alarms continued to scream, red flashing lights spilling out into the night air.

Rey felt frozen. She was vaguely aware of the Jumphawks flying closer than they should, shining their floodlights over the scene. Steelblight ripped at the right arm of the Jaeger, finally tearing it off and throwing it into the sea.

A surge of pain rippled up her arm, jolting her out of her reverie. She felt the pressure of the drift pressing in on her. She was alone. She was controlling the Jaeger by herself. The reality of the situation floated around her brain, unable to be processed by her damaged psyche. She felt the adrenaline of the battle boiling in her veins, pushing her into action.

Without another thought, she moved.

A well-aimed smack from her hammer left a few jagged teeth hanging from the creature’s mouth. It screeched and snapped. Rey could not tell if the Kaiju understood that she was a pilot inside this giant metal machine; if it did, it would come for her as soon as it noticed her presence.

Rey saw one of the beast’s teeth dangling precariously over the lip of the Conn Pod. She reached up with the Force and pulled, shifting the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ weapon back into its only remaining hand.

The monstrous, jagged tooth fell out of the creature’s mouth and into the outstretched hand of Rey’s remaining arm. Wielding the tooth like a dagger, she stabbed it straight into one of the Kaiju’s eyes.

The beast roared in pain as she pushed it further into Steelblight’s eye socket. The creature thrashed, loosening its hold on the _Cobalt Hammer_ just enough for Rey to wriggle free. She was grateful that the drift suit blocked out the monster’s foul stench.

Paige’s voice reached her ears, garbled and faint. Something about not being able to drive a Jaeger by herself for more than a few moments. Something about permanent damage beyond that point. It didn’t matter.

Ben wasn’t here.

Rey reeled back and stabbed the beast again, pleased when she caught another of its grotesque eyes in the process. It stumbled back, shaking its head and spraying acid everywhere.

It was still bleeding profusely, dripping fluorescent liquid into the sea. It should have been dead by blood loss alone, but it’s heaving body was preparing to charge at Rey again.

She didn’t give it the chance.

With the tooth firmly grasped in her single hand, she rushed forward, her remaining shoulder aimed at the creature’s midsection. She collided hard enough to set Steelblight off balance, teetering back, and thrust the tooth upward into the slash that the Jaeger’s plasma cannon had made.

The Kaiju howled, pierced by its own, jagged tooth. Rey pulled back and stabbed again, rivulets of acidic blood beginning to melt the _Cobalt Hammer’s_ remaining arm away. Its fingers dissolved first, the tooth slipping out of her hand and into the water below.

Steelblight screeched, grasping at the Jaeger with its remaining legs. Rey pulled her arm back, and stabbed the now jagged remains of her hand straight through the Kaiju and out the other side.

The piercing shouts from LOCCENT were somehow both louder and softer than the Kaiju battle.

After what seemed like ages, Steelblight stilled and was dead.

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1613 hours

#### 

“I can’t believe you got out of there with no damage,” Poe said in awe as Paige paced around the room.

“She was only controlling the Jaeger alone for a few moments,” Rose said. “Injuries like that are different than direct hits, like a concussion. It’s entirely possible. Anything more than that, though…”

“We will be checking up on the status of the Convergence soon,” Finn said, nodding toward Poe. The Tico sisters nodded.

One of the Jumphawks had collected Rey directly from the broken remains of the _Cobalt Hammer_. Steelblight’s corpse was still cooling in the bay; they had made no move to snatch the Jaeger back quite yet. The four pilots swarming her were loud and anxious, concerned for her safety and the future of their planet.

To Rey, who was sitting with her freezing hands sandwiched between her thighs, they were all a million miles away.

Ben wasn’t here.

His body had yet to be found. All four of them had not given up hope that he had somehow survived, but Rey knew the truth. The Force bond didn’t lie.

Ben was dead.

Their connection had been severed the instant that Steelblight ripped him from her mind. Wherever Ben’s body was, she dimly hoped that they could find it. He deserved a burial.

Her mind was quiet. Empty. She wanted to scream to fill that void.

Thoughts of Ben inundated her consciousness. His unkempt hair, dark eyes, and deep, smooth voice. The quirk of his mouth when he was trying not to laugh. His furrowed brow when he failed to do something on the first attempt. His methodical way of eating meals.

She remembered his joy while fighting with her in the Jaeger. He laughed. He _laughed_.

“Rey- Oh god, Rey,” Poe sat next to her as her body shook with sobs. Tears streamed down her face, soaking the shirt that Rose had insisted she change into upon returning to Starkiller.

“He’s gone,” she whispered.

Finn shifted uncomfortably. “You don’t know that yet, Rey.”

“Yes I do!” She tried to sound angry, but her voice only cracked instead. “I can’t feel him anymore, he’s dead.” She choked and sputtered, but continued on. “I can feel his fear. I can feel what he felt when he was taken away from me.” She buried her head in her hands, rocking back and forth. “I don’t want to be alone again. Please bring him back, please…”

They all looked at her with sorrow and pity and she hated it. Sudden anger swelled within, fury at the universe for daring to take Ben away from her.

“Rey-”

Her head snapped up, suddenly fixed on a spot in the middle distance, something that none of them could see. Eyes wide in shock, she bolted out of the room and sprinted away, leaving the four of them behind.

“What-”

Paige’s cell phone began to ring. She set it to speaker. “General?”

Leia’s voice echoed through Rey’s small bedroom. “They found him, get to the hospital wing.”

xxxxxxxxxx

Rey all but destroyed everything in her path.

He was there. Ben was alive, but barely. The strength that had once held their minds together was gone; he was only the tiniest of glimmers. She could tell he was in the hospital wing, judging by his physical distance from her.

She dodged personnel and ignored every attempt at a conversation about her successful Kaiju battle. Rey jumped over carts and slid through closing doors, rapidly approaching the hospital wing.

She skidded to a halt outside the main hall, almost running headlong into one of the walls. Several medical staff were standing nearby and one, who Rey recognized, immediately waved her over. “Miss Jakku-”

“What’s his status?” She breathed, following the nurse as if she did not know exactly where Ben was.

“He’s in a coma,” the man responded, leading her through a set of sterile, double doors. “They found him some distance away from your battle, saved by what protection the drift suits have to offer. While we cannot be certain, we believe that his simultaneous detachment from both you and your Jaeger triggered this comatose state.”

“Physical damage?” Rey asked, shouldering her way past many staff members into the room where Ben’s body lay.

“None that we have been able to see,” the nurse answered, watching Rey freeze. The man visibly winced.

Ben lay in the hospital bed, deathly pale and sweating profusely. His eyes were shut, monitors being hooked up to him as she watched his chest faintly move up and down.

There were too many people in this room.

Rey ignored the protests of every nurse and doctor who tried to tell her to leave Ben alone. She grasped his clammy, cold hand, feeling for any spark of his brilliant mind. Vaguely, she heard the other four pilots ooze into the room, closely followed by Luke, of all people.

Rose cleared her throat. “Rey?”

“He’s in there,” Rey whispered, looking toward the group. “He’s in a coma. But he’s in there.”

Much to Rey’s irritation, a wave of relief swept over the group. “Thank goodness,” Rose said.

Rey stared down at Ben’s face. She could feel that he was afraid. There was so much terror in his mind, she was almost sure he was having a nightmare. But she couldn’t wake him up this time.

Unless…

She turned to Luke, watching the nurses and doctors flit about in her periphery. “Do you still have any of the old Pons tech?”

Luke frowned. “Like the prototype drift helmets?”

“Yes,” she said, sweeping through the group and jogging to the door. “Exactly like that.”

xxxxxxxxxx

Less than thirty minutes later, Rey had strapped Ben into the best remaining prototype that Luke had on hand. The other four pilots were loudly protesting Rey’s idea of diving into Ben’s comatose mind. The nurses and doctors were only silenced by Luke, who had insisted that the five of them would be able to talk Rey out of this insanity. Rey had spent the last several minutes rigging up an appropriate power supply for said prototype and setting up her own half, despite the many attempts of the others in the room to break it back down. She knew that they were humoring her, but she didn’t care.

She also knew that they weren’t paying close enough attention to see that she had bypassed Poe’s original attempt at cutting off her power supply.

“He might never come back if I don’t do this,” Rey said, adjusting the helmet on Ben’s damp hair. “I don’t care what happens to me.”

“We do!” Paige said, keenly aware that the group was quickly losing its argument.

“You’re not thinking straight, Rey. Let’s just breathe for a bit,” Finn protested, gently laying his hands on her shoulders.

Rey wrenched away from him. She had to do this. She couldn’t leave him alone. “No! I can feel him, he’s in danger! He’s scared!”

“If you go in there, you might not come back!” Luke pleaded. “We have no idea how it’s going to affect you. We aren’t going to be able to just turn it off whenever we want!”

“Give me a better idea, then!” Rey shouted, tears springing to the corners of her eyes. “I know I can bring him out of this! If our minds separating caused this, reuniting them should help fix it.”

The group of five fell silent. They had no ideas of their own than to let the coma run its course, whatever the result might be. Luke whispered, “Rey, please-”

Rey refused to listen and jammed the helmet onto her head. “I’ll be right back!” She dropped into the chair next to Ben’s hospital bed and smashed the button that would bring the Pons tech to life.

Everything went black.


	30. I Knew Who You Were Way Before I Even Knew My Own Name

Rey Jakku feels sand under her cheek and jerks awake.

The unexpected throb in her chest sends her reeling, that pressing panic that is always accompanied by the fear of drowning in endless water. She knows this place is not real, is not that watery grave, yet her brain kicks into overdrive, looking frantically in every direction for who she must find.

It’s hot. Sand dune after sand dune stretches out in every direction as she is prostrated before them. The dry air sucks at her mouth, at her eyes and nose, the clothing she wore beneath the drive suit protecting her from nothing. She squints in the wake of a light that is both everywhere and nowhere; a sun both before and behind her, heart thundering in her chest.

_“What is this…? Ben’s dream?”_

She scrambles to stand, the sand coalescing beneath her feet. She peers down, amazed. Every touch of her foot sets it as solid as stone. She walks on the sand as if it were an immutable path, the grains solidifying under her with each step.

Rey spins in every direction, desperate to see anything worth seeing. “Ben!” she yells, but every dune looks the same, the desolate sandscape echoing the pang in her chest. The wind whines in her ear, the expanse of desert stretching on forever in every direction. Her voice does not carry in this place. She does not know how long she’s been here.

It is nothing like the desert she grew up in. As far as the eye can see, there is only sand. No animals or plants dot the precarious, shifting landscape. It is vast and empty and hollow. She screams as she begs this cruel plane to stop its torment, even as it demands that she _look, see, search_ for the source of her pain. It distracts her from her goal, clawing its way through her body.

She feels alone. The dry air suffocates her, crawling into every crevasse it can weasel its way into. Rey covers her mouth as a rush of wind kicks sand into the air. Her heart beats wildly, searching every horizon, consumed by desperation. Her soul flutters in panic, disoriented, the terror of this place threatening to snuff her out, to send her mind back from whence it came.

About to rush off in whatever direction she is facing, to appease the knife-sharp ache in her chest, an irreconcilable noise reaches her ears.

The desert wind gives way to the sound of… waves?

Rey looks up.

The sky is an ocean.

Dark, blue-black waves stare back at her, roiling and deep. She angles her neck so far back that she becomes dizzy. The waves go on and on in all directions, matching the desert’s expanse perfectly. Grains of sand drift upward forever, falling gently into the water.

She inhales deeply and the faint smell of salt follows.

Rey does not know how she knows, but it is the same sea that threatens to drown her in her forgotten nightmares, to shove itself down into her lungs. The panic in her chest calls to it, aching for its touch. A tiny voice in her head tells her that this is more than just a simple dream.

It is far away, she is safe, and yet… She reaches out, convinced that she can touch the water, can bring some much needed moisture to this arid place.

She stretches up… and…

The emotions in her chest yank upward, pulling her toward the masculine figure that she can now see suspended far above her head.

“Ben!”

xxxxxxxxxx

Ben Solo stands on the surface of the water, yet drowning still. The desert sky above him rains sand gently down onto his head. The waves lap at his feet, at ease with his ability to walk on them unperturbed. The salt surrounds him and crashes across his legs, soaking his clothes.

There is nothing solid here. No boats or islands or land. Just the waves below and the oh-so-familiar desert above.

It is the same desert as it always is. Full of nothing but death and rage and despair.

But there is a phantom before him. Her outline is faint, transparent. He can see her sweat-streaked face from their battle, so full of anger and determination. His gloved hand reaches out and passes right through her; he swears he can smell the scent of her shampoo.

The vision shifts to one of her laughing, but he cannot hear her. Her emotions are in his head, all sorrow and pain. He tries and fails to pull them to him, feeling her panic at his loss. He palms the sides of his head, fisting his hands into his hair as the mirage disappears, convinced that she is dead.

He grasps at the threads of memory, refusing to let himself forget her. The only good thing that had ever come from all of this.

The sudden, crushing feeling of urgency erupts from his chest; so familiar, as if he is standing in the shifting sands rather than on top of an endless sea. Roaring through his veins, desperate to find the person that is always lost to him, to find them at last. His eyes widen and he spins, looking in every direction.

“Ben!”

His heart almost stops. He looks up and there she is, reaching a hand out to him from the sand, so close that he can see her hair flying around her face.

_“Are we... dreaming?”_

The frenetic pull of the thrum in his heart sends him reeling, sends him toward her. It reaches out, frenzied and protective, stretching over the vast expanse between them. At the apex of his pain, his mind brushes against hers.

The feeling crashes back into his body and he cannot breathe, absolution pouring into every fiber of his being.

_“It’s you.”_

“Rey!” He reaches his hand out to her, the gap between them closing at a preternatural speed.

Tears are streaming down Rey’s face, the new joyous feeling in Ben’s heart echoed by her own overwhelming relief. The pain in her chest abates, mind curling lovingly around his own. _“I finally found you.”_

The world tilts sideways.

Now ninety degrees to the left, sand and water are roaring around them, succumbing to the new direction of gravity. Rey inhales sand and sputters, Ben is all but crushed beneath the sudden weight of the water. Their footholds are miraculously stable, suspending them out over the empty space between worlds. The tides threaten to drown them both.

The space between them shrinks, then stops. Hands still outstretched, just out of reach. Rey can see a shadow beneath Ben’s feet growing larger by the second, an enormous, shapeless thing, and fear sends her stomach soaring up into her throat. “Ben, jump!”

He can hear her voice so clearly, as if she is an inch from his ear. _“Just… a little more....”_

She crouches, ready to spring. “BEN, JUMP NOW!”


	31. If My Love Is Ever Spurned, All Of The Stars Will Burn And Never Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which two are one.

#### 1816 hours

#### 

Ben Solo jerked awake.

His vision swirled, adjusting to the garish lights of the hospital room. Several people crowded around him, smatterings of nurses and doctors in between his uncle and four of Starkiller’s pilots. They were all talking at once, their voices a cacophony that he could not understand.

And there was Rey.

She jumped to her feet, pulling the ancient drift helmet off of her head. It skittered to the floor as she launched herself at him, climbing onto his hospital bed with tears streaming down her face.

“Rey!” He pulled her to him, cradling her face in his huge hands. She sat astride his lap, a knee on each side, sobbing in relief. She grasped his shirt fiercely with both hands, unwilling to let him go.

The Force bond had returned. It had transformed from a solid bridge between them to a vast, infinite space; they could sink into each other now and lose where one of the pair ended and the other began. Even so, it was easier to separate from each other. It took no effort to block the other’s mind, though both knew they would never have to again.

Rey was crying, babbling into the bond between them. _“All of that time, all of those dreams-”_

“They were you,” Ben whispered, still in awe of her. He swiped his thumbs across her face, wiping away the cascade of tears. _“I’ve dreamt of that desert for years.”_

Rey nodded, sniffling. _“And I remember that ocean.”_

Together, they could both recall those dreams that had been lost to consciousness for so long. Nightmares that had splintered their days with aches and longing that they could not explain, a thrum of want so deep it had settled into their bones and become a part of them.

But no more. Never again.

“I thought I’d lost you,” Rey murmured, leaning her forehead against his.

 _“Never,”_ he said, and his conviction shown bright across the bond. Rey could have laughed with relief.

“Well this is certainly adorable.”

Ben and Rey turned to see Luke, who was standing with his arms crossed next to the bed. The faintest of amused smiles graced his lips. The four other pilots flanked him with mixtures of confusion and smugness on their faces.

Poe elbowed his partner in the side. “Pay up, scrub!”

“I’m not paying you anything,” Finn huffed.

“You guys bet each other? And you left us out?!” Rose asked. “You see, Paige! I told you!”

“I don’t bet on people,” Paige responded, rolling her eyes.

Luke chuckled as Ben and Rey looked on, bewildered and clinging to one another for fear that one of them might disappear. “We should give these two some time alone,” Luke offered. “You four can sort out your debts later. Ben needs to be examined by the medical staff regardless.”

“I’m fine,” Ben stated.

“You are not,” Luke responded firmly.

“Yes he is,” Rey responded. “The doctor that I talked to when I arrived said that they found no physical damage. He said that the coma was a result of… what happened.” She did not want to remember those horrendous hours where Ben’s mind had disappeared from her own.

“Be that as it may,” Luke started. “It is still a good idea for them to perform an examination-”

Luke’s cell phone rang, his sister’s chosen ringtone echoing from his pocket. He never liked Lindsey Sterling, but she was one of his sibling’s favorite musicians. He scrambled to pull the phone out of his jeans and bring it to his ear. “Leia?”

“The Convergence is finished,” Leia told him. She sounded tired, in the way that only a leader could be. “Are you in the hospital wing? How is Ben doing?”

“He’s awake,” Luke responded. “Awake and healthy, it appears. Rey-”

**“WARNING: KAIJU ATTACK.”**

The throng of pilots tensed, wide-eyed, their stomachs jumping into their throats. 

**“WARNING: KAIJU TRIPLE EVENT. WARNING: KAIJU ATTACK. MOBILIZE FORCES IMMEDIATELY. WARNING: KAIJU TRIPLE EVENT.”**

“And not a moment too soon,” Luke said into the phone, turning to look at Ben and Rey, the latter of which was still parked in his nephew’s lap. “The Convergence has been completed.”

The pair was out of the hospital bed as soon as Luke had finished his sentence. “Tell mother that we are headed to its Conn Pod,” Ben said, jogging toward the exit.

Rey stopped for a brief moment in front of the other four pilots, her friends that had kept her company while she thought her partner dead. “We’re going to be fine,” she said, noting their fear. “We killed two Kaiju before, but now we have a shiny, new Jaeger.” Her eyes sparkled.

“I feel like you’re enjoying this,” Finn said, the smallest of smiles gracing his face.

“Maybe a little,” Rey said, grinning. Gone was the panicked, frightened woman who had dived headfirst into Ben’s head. Instead, her spitfire nature had returned, brimming with energy and excited to pilot this Jaeger whose schematics she had so recently been studying.

“You don’t look scared,” Poe commented. He did not want to think about the dangerously short period of time between these two events.

“Of course not,” Rey said, turning away from them with a smile. “I have Ben.”

xxxxxxxxxx

#### 1827 hours

#### 

Leia was standing in the middle of LOCCENT when the four benched Starkiller pilots pushed their way into the control room, followed by a pensive-looking Luke.

“How are the two of you faring?” Leia asked, looking between Poe and Rose.

“I’m okay,” Rose said honestly. “The arm still hurts, but I’ll be fine.”

Poe shrugged in the light of the monitors, then said, “I feel almost back to normal.”

Leia raised a knowing eyebrow at them both. “That doesn’t answer my question.” Being the more headstrong member of each pair, they were prone to neglecting aspects of themselves beyond the physical.

Finn spoke. “Paige and I have been helping them. They’ll be just fine.”

“Good,” Leia said, giving the two pilots a small smile when they abashedly looked away. “Ben and Rey are suiting up as we speak. It should only be a few more minutes until we are ready to go. The Kaiju are taking their time, for the moment.”

The group stepped up to the large monitor that overlooked the control room. The workers here were even busier than usual; the threat of three of the beasts at the same time set everyone on a sharper edge. Gruff tones were exchanged as information was passed back and forth.

“Ben? Rey?” Leia spoke into the comm, as the other four crowded around her. Luke hung back, watching the picture on the monitor.

The _Convergence_ , still located at the far end of the base, was lit up in a way Luke had never imagined. It had been repaired and then some, graced with a host of things that the ex-pilot had never seen. He could only wonder at the weapons that Leia had found for it.

“We’re here,” Rey answered, her voice echoing through the speaker. “Almost finished!”

 _“It’s too bad we need the helmets,”_ Ben said, as one of the nearby workers fitted a brand new one on his head.

Rey laughed in their joined mind. _“How hilarious would that be, if we could pilot this thing without the drift?”_

“Please be careful, you two,” Rose said into the microphone. She could not see their faces, as there was no camera in the cockpit, but Rey smiled.

“We will be,” Rey said, confidently. “We’ve been studying this baby’s schematics; wait until you see what she can do.”

“...Is it wrong to be excited?” Rose tried to whisper into the microphone and failed, earning her an elbow to the ribs from her sister.

“Finn?”

Surprised to hear Ben’s voice come out of the comm, saying his name no less, Finn stepped up to it. “Yes?”

“When we get back,” Ben said. “Let’s get that breakfast. I could murder a stack of pancakes right now,” he added.

Finn snorted and his face split into a grin. “Deal.”

Rey furrowed her eyebrows. _“I told you that I had a granola bar stashed in the-”_

 _“I don’t want a granola bar, I want pancakes,”_ Ben said. _“Though I suspect that you are, in fact, the one who wants pancakes.”_

 _“I am innocent until proven guilty,”_ Rey said, grinning as the crew strapped her into the pinocchio rig.

Feelings and thoughts flowed more freely through their bond now and Ben wondered what things he would end up eating due to Rey’s cravings; she had been a vacuum from the moment they met and he doubted that would stop now. “Ready to go, LOCCENT!”

The few remaining crew members inside the Conn Pod scrambled to get out, the pneumatic door closing behind them as they left.

“Fifteen seconds until drop!” Leia said into the microphone, the Conn Pod whirring to life.

Poe poked his head between Leia and Finn. “Go kick some Kaiju ass!”

Ben turned to look at Rey, for what could be the last time. _“If something happens-”_

 _“Nope,”_ she said, heading off that train of thought. _“Nothing is going to happen except dead Kaiju and a celebration.”_

Ben’s apprehension waned. She was so sure that it bled through the Force bond and into him. Defeat was not an option, not an idea that she was willing to entertain. Not this time.

_“Okay. You’re right, Rey. Let’s go.”_

The Conn Pod detached from the metal rigging and slid down the rails onto the body of the _Convergence_ to face its fate.


	32. You Spin Me Right 'Round, Baby, Right 'Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a battle for the ages begins.

#### 1835 hours

#### 

“They’re _what_?!”

Leia’s lips were pressed into a thin, worried line. “Two category fours and a category five,” she repeated.

The group of four pilots stared at her in disbelief. Finn spoke first. “Are… are we absolutely sure?” There had never been a triple event before, nor had anyone ever seen a Category Five Kaiju. He shuddered to think how large it might be.

“Yes, we’re sure,” Leia said, staring at the giant screen in front of her, watching the Jaeger with her son inside being carried through the air.

The Jumphawks had carried the _Convergence_ out into open water with some difficulty, as it was significantly larger than its predecessors. It was more than a head taller than the _Cobalt Hammer_ or _Stormwing_ ; it would have towered over them if placed side by side. It was a Class Five Jaeger, after all. This would be nothing but a boon for Ben and Rey, if they truly were to face three massive Kaiju at the same time.

“How are they going to-”

Poe was cut off by Rose, who loudly said, “They are going to win and that’s that.”

The cursory data that was being gathered by their instruments was not encouraging. The two Category Fours had been nicknamed Hellhound and Irontooth.

The former was the smaller of the two Category Fours, quadrupedal with jowls full of long, sharp teeth. Its four feet had almost exaggerated claws, made for shredding flesh and metal. It was quite muscular and appeared to be built almost like a bull, with strength to match.

The latter of the Category Fours worried Leia more and her concern only grew as additional data was obtained. Irontooth was a flyer, much to her dismay. It appeared to have leather-covered wings with large, pointed ears. It undoubtedly had excellent hearing and the claws that grew from its short feet only added to its bat-like visage.

But neither of them held a candle to Confliction.

The Category Five Kaiju was as large as the _Convergence_ , but heavier, by the looks of their data. It was a monster by anyone’s standards and could have easily torn some of their previously defeated Kaiju to shreds in moments. Its body was that of a bear’s, curved onyx antlers sprouting from its giant, ugly head. Poisonous spines covered its entire body, its six-eyed face a terrifying sight to behold as acid poured from its mouth into the water.

All of the Kaiju seemed chimeras and Leia did not let herself wonder how the Kaiju knew so much about the fauna of Earth.

After relaying all that they had discovered to Ben and Rey, the group at LOCCENT watched the giant screen before them, the Jumphawks outside dropping the _Convergence_ into the ocean. They watched as the enormous Jaeger walked through the salty water, as easy as could be.

“I didn’t realize that the Convergence was so… nimble,” Paige said, for lack of a better term.

Leia nodded, her hand resting against the side of her face. “Better technology,” was her only reply. She had spared no expense on materials or research.

“I don’t think that’s the only thing,” Luke murmured as the alarms blared in LOCCENT’s control room. There was something to be said for the bond between his nephew and Rey. He wondered just how its renewed strength would help in this battle.

Finn took a brief peek at the radar, then spoke into the microphone. “Irontooth and Hellhound are coming up fast, but Confliction seems to be hanging back.”

“Roger that, LOCCENT!” Rey said, as they continued their casual stroll through the water.

xxxxxxxxxx

Where the _Cobalt Hammer_ had been a powerful tool at their disposal, the _Convergence_ was a force of nature. It stood taller, moved more smoothly, and responded quickly to Ben and Rey’s movements. The console inside was familiar from the schematics that Leia had given them to study and Rey could remember every button and switch by heart. She knew Ben did too.

_“Are you ready?”_

Rey grinned, the helmet hiding all but the expression on her face. _“Let’s send these bastards back where they came from.”_

A blip on the _Convergence's_ radar showed two large forms approaching swiftly, one directly from their front, one from their right side. The city was to their left, shining bright with what lights still worked in the worn down buildings by the sea. The people inside hoping and praying.

They would protect this place. They would protect everything.

“Engaging Kaiju now, LOCCENT,” Ben said into his comm. He and Rey braced themselves against the silt beneath their Jaeger’s feet, watching the two blips close in on them.

_“Here we go!”_

The two approaching Kaiju burst from the water at the same instant, Irontooth rising into the air and shrieking as Hellhound attempted to push the _Convergence_ back onto the coast.

Hellhound was heavy, but slow, a flaw that many Kaiju seemed to have. Ben aimed a backfist at the creature’s jaw and felt a satisfying crunch as metal collided with teeth. The beast continued to barrel forward, snapping at the Jaeger’s midsection as they collided. The _Convergence_ slid back along the seafloor, but regained its bearings quickly. It braced against the bulk of Hellhound, the top of its chest piece against the monster’s forehead.

“Bombs away!” Rey shouted, flipping a switch to her right. The hidden panels just above the Kaiju’s head opened and rained huge incendiary bombs down onto the beast’s face.

Hellhound roared in pain, flesh melting off of its skull. It lost three eyes and much of its snout, mouth foaming in unrestrained rage. It doubled its efforts to shove the _Convergence_ back.

Irontooth dove at them then. It had flown behind them, sandwiching the _Convergence_ between the two Kaiju. It alighted on the Jaeger’s back, digging its claws deep into the metal and battering the vessel with its large, leathery wings. They were pinned between the two creatures, something that did not bother either of them in the least.

_“I’ve had enough of this already,”_ Ben said, as casually as if he was discussing the poor weather. _“Shall we?”_

_“We shall!”_ Rey responded, and they each slammed a bright orange button on their respective sides of the Jaeger.

Two thick pieces of metal burst forth from the Jaeger’s forearms, a pneumatic device connected to each one. The pieces were moved up, away from their arms and neatly planted in their hands, and the device withdrew, leaving them holding their new favorite toys.

The metal pieces - hilts, the crew in LOCCENT realized - burst to life, the end of each erupting in a stream of colored plasma that halted at sword length. Rey’s was blue, Ben’s red.

They flipped their hilts around and stabbed downward, piercing Hellhound twice, straight through its neck.

The beast roared and backed away, the sting of both injuries driving it. Rey brought her sword up over her shoulder, managing to pierce one of Irontooth’s wings before it kicked off of their back, roaring in pain.

_“What did Leia call these again?”_ Rey asked.

_“Lightsabers,”_ Ben answered, amused at her tone.

_“I like them,”_ she said, as they spun around and caught Irontooth’s foot with Ben’s red saber.

The severed appendage dropped into the waters below as the flying Kaiju screamed in pain. They were both grateful that the smell of burnt Kaiju flesh could not reach them in here.

They whirled again as Hellhound began to charge, holding out their lightsabers at just the right moment. The beast skewered itself on them, their twin blades piercing through its barrelled chest. It groaned and slowed, pain lancing through its body. But it pressed forward, jaws snapping, pushing against the hilts of the sabers.

Rey and Ben braced their feet against the bottom of the ocean, but it still pushed. They could not pull their sabers back from its body the way they had come.

Irontooth dropped from the sky onto them. Its one good foot landing on Rey’s shoulder, it scrambled for purchase against the Jaeger’s metal. Its teeth closed around the Jaeger’s Conn Pod, and they became intimately aware of its namesake.

Its mouth was full of rows and rows of metal teeth. Unlike previous Kaiju, bright iron shone from the beast’s maw, ripping and tearing at the head of the Convergence. They could barely see their surroundings through the monster’s thrashing, intent on removing it from their Pod as soon as possible. Alarms blared.

But their hands were not free.

_“Enough playing with our food, I suppose,”_ Rey sighed, pulling the saber up, up, up.

Ben’s mirrored her own, yanking the lightsaber up through pounds of corded muscle, from Hellhound’s internal organs and up through its back. Their lightsabers sprang free, two monstrous gashes leaving the Kaiju looking rather like a toaster with only three sides.

The image sent Rey into a fit of laughter as she brought her blue saber up and stabbed it in the general direction of Irontooth. A screech hit their ears and the Kaiju was off of them, flapping its wings to hover nearby. Hellhound was barely able to stand now, swaying in place, hatred and pain in its remaining three eyes.

Rose’s voice came over their Comm. “Confliction is making its move you two, on your six! Oh my god, it’s so fast-”

They had barely caught the message when a creature the size of their own Jaeger burst from the water, roaring its defiance. Covered in poison spines and with giant antlers the size of the _Convergence's_ own arms, it bull rushed the Jaeger, tackling it into the waves.


	33. We're Walking The Wire, So Look Out Down Below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one becomes all.

“Ben? Rey?!”

“We’re fine!” Rey shouted, rolling to the right and out from beneath Confliction’s massive torso. Using one of its antlers to rise to their feet, the Jaeger pilots brought their red lightsaber down onto the creature’s shoulders.

It roared in pain, but the saber did less damage than they expected. Confliction’s hide was exceptionally thick and muscles of untold strength rippled beneath it. The lightsaber glanced off, leaving trails of smoke in its wake.

_“Does it just take longer to burn?”_ Rey wondered, stepping back and kneeing the Kaiju in its side. It had barely sunk into the monster’s flesh. She was keenly aware that Hellhound and Irontooth were behind them, the latter a moment from striking.

_“Most likely,”_ Ben answered. _“They seem awfully prepared.”_

Rey did not let herself think about that too much. Hellhound had collapsed into the water unmoving, thank the Force. She hoped that it was dead, but you could never be too careful with these beasts.

It was only Irontooth and Confliction now. Hopefully.

The former swooped down, grabbing for their Conn Pod with its massive claws. The Jaeger ducked just in time for Confliction to swing its head around and clip them with its massive antlers. Sparks danced on their left shoulder where the appendages struck true. They stumbled back, the massive creatures now around them in a semicircle.

Irontooth dove for them again, as Confliction lunged forward. They were far too close for comfort and took several steps backward, barely avoiding Confliction’s jaws clamping around Rey’s arm.

_“Speed boost?”_

_“Hell yeah!”_ Rey grasped Ben’s mind firmly with her own and drew on the power of the Force. 

They had never tried to use it together like this, but it was a tantalizing prospect. As the Force bond had widened into infinity, their ability to manipulate that phantom power had increased along with it. From a whisper in the back of their minds to an unfathomable thrum in their veins, the Force was theirs to command.

Pulling on that power, they stepped back and made their move.

xxxxxxxxxx

“What are they…?” Rose breathed, staring at the viewscreen in astonishment.

Paige stared with no small measure of awe herself. “I didn’t know Jaegers could move that fast.”

“They can’t.”

Paige turned to look at Luke, who had spoken. “Then how?”

“The Force,” Luke said simply, glancing at his sister. They had done similar things in their own day, though not quite of this magnitude. They had been more cautious with their public use of the Force; Ben and Rey had no such qualms. With three Kaiju on their heels, he didn’t blame them in the least.

They were stepping through the water as if it was air. Slashing at the Kaiju with brute force, dancing around the attacks that the beasts gave them in return. The _Convergence_ was almost as lithe as a real person, dodging with deft movements that left the crew in LOCCENT with their mouths open in amazement.

“They might actually win,” Finn murmured.

“They _will_ win!” Poe said, clapping his love on the shoulder. “Where’s your positivity?”

“It died three hours ago when you ate my last candy bar,” Finn deadpanned.

“I said I was sorry!” Poe moaned, leaning his head against Finn’s shoulder. “I stress eat, you know this.”

“Will you shut up?” Rose elbowed Poe in the ribs, grinning. “Look!”

xxxxxxxxxx

With a well aimed slash, the _Convergence_ divested Irontooth of one of its leathery wings.

The limb crashed into the water, then the Kaiju itself, turning the waters an inky blue. It floated on the salty sea, unmoving.

Confliction roared. Its second partner had been gravely wounded now, though it had little more than a scratch on its own thick hide.

_“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”_ Rey asked.

_“Only literally,”_ Ben thought, amused. Preparing for an all-out assault on Confliction, they braced themselves against the seafloor. A few of their tricks would not work on a Kaiju whose skin was so thick and tough. Unless…

“Oh, you’re bad,” Rey grinned.

“You like it,” Ben laughed.

They charged forward, using the Force to propel themselves, and approached faster than Confliction could prepare for. They swiped the lightsabers across the Kaiju’s face, neatly cutting the pair of antlers off of its head. It did no damage to the beast’s body, but left it more vulnerable for something else.

Rey deactivated her lightsaber, reaching down into the water to grab just one of Confliction’s antlers. They dodged the monster’s jaws as they stood up again, moving just out of reach. The Kaiju roared in anger - and found its jaw propped open by its own cut antler.

Rey laughed at the absurdity, an almost maniacal sound. Confliction thrashed, the pressure against its upper and lower jaw straining the joint. The antlers were made of strong stuff, as they were hoping. Giggling, Rey pressed a button to her left.

A remote bomb the size of a semi’s trailer fell from a cavity in the _Convergence's_ arm and she caught it with deft, metal fingers, waiting for an opening. Careful not to touch its teeth, Rey quickly tossed the bomb as far back into Confliction’s mouth as she could, hoping that it might swallow the weapon accidentally. Once it was in, they moved away.

“Would you like to do the honors, good sir?” Rey questioned.

“Why yes, I think I would! Thank you very much-”

“Would you two just kill the thing?!” Rose shouted over the comm.

Ben scoffed. “Fine, fine.” He detonated the bomb - just as Irontooth’s jaws closed over the _Convergence's_ right hip.

“Shit!” Ben yelled, as the Jaeger listed to the side from the Kaiju’s weight. Both of their throats jumped into their mouths, hearts frantically beating in sudden fear.

Confliction’s gullet exploded and was torn to shreds. Blue blood flooded what was left of its mouth, flesh burnt and smoking. The antler had snapped and the beast was hunched forward, rivers of blue running from its mouth.

But it was not dead. And nor was Irontooth.

The flying Kaiju had waited to strike, making them believe it dead. As soon as they had moved within its reach, it had reared back and clamped down on their side, just alive enough. Alarms in the cockpit blared as its teeth sank deeper into their hip joint.

This was unreal. Despite their splendid Jaeger, Irontooth had done a number on their armor. Who knew what else Confliction would do? These beasts would just keep coming. Three at a time would be child’s play someday. There would be no Jaegers left. No Earth left.

Ben pulled his right arm up, slamming the Jaeger’s elbow into Irontooth’s face. It did not yield. One, two, three more times, and _finally_ -

Confliction’s bloodied maw closed around Rey’s arm.

Irontooth and its crumpled skull slipped into the water, face smashed beyond all recognition. It had stopped moving completely, but had given the Class Five Kaiju the distraction it needed. Rey and Confliction warred over the arm, the latter perilously close to winning. The metal groaned and creaked, sparking.

Ben raised the red lightsaber over Confliction’s head, flipping the hilt to the sky. He drove it downward with his fist, piercing the Kaiju directly between its multiple sets of eyes.

The saber barely sunk in.

Ben gritted his teeth, putting more effort into the movement. Losing an arm against this thing was not an option.

Rey struggled in vain. Its huge teeth were clamped firmly around her arm. There was little wiggle room to be had, yet she began to twist her wrist in the beast’s mouth, its tongue laving acidic blood all over her limb. Waves were crashing around them, sending spray after spray of water into the air.

Ben pushed harder, the beast’s skull beginning to sizzle and burn. He had made it through the flesh of its head and down to the bone beneath. Bone that looked so thick, a thrum of panic drifted through them both.

_“No.”_

Rey activated her lightsaber once more, her arm twisting into just the right position to shoot the beam of concentrated energy down the Kaiju’s filthy throat.

It screamed, its insides cooking and hissing. It thrashed, trying to throw the _Convergence_ off of it. It dropped Rey’s arm, much to her delight, and she took the opportunity to stab up into its dark-colored palate.

With Ben’s saber between its eyes and Rey’s pushing through the top of its mouth, its head bent backward at a painful angle. Its feet scrambled for purchase, anything that would get it away from them.

But it was trapped.

Calling once again on the power of the Force, that mysterious ability that had connected them some ten years ago, they used it to drive the lightsabers home.

Confliction’s skull cracked neatly in two.

Ben’s saber burned its brain to ashes. Blue blood sizzled and boiled when it touched Rey’s blade, cascading from the Kaiju’s face. Confliction did not move.

LOCCENT held its breath. And then-

“Is it… over?” A reverent whisper from Rose.

Ben and Rey straightened the _Convergence_ in the water. They returned their lightsabers to their hidden slots in the Jaeger’s arms.

The Force thrummed in their veins as it never had before, cracking and splitting the fabric of the world. It consumed them, driving out all other thought but to _feel_ everything around them. It commanded them to _see_.

They could sense every wave, every living creature, even the dead Kaiju around them. The Force flowed through it all; it connected everything. The web of life on their planet stretched out before them, allowing them to feel its every movement. Every heartbeat. Every thought.

They crawled through anthills and ran with lions, swept from the sky with eagles, and dove to the ocean depths with whales. They followed the rush of water down hills and over mountains, parted the clouds with wind, and threw curtains of rain over dusty plains. They walked the paths of seven billion people and passed no judgment. Warmth suffused them, dancing in the sunlight on the far side of the world.

Casting their minds out further, the abyss of the universe sat beneath a precipice that they desperately wished to fall from. The edge of a cliff, so high that the land below was unknowable. It called to them, sweetly and softly, knowledge waiting.

_“...It feels like the drift.”_

“Ben?” Leia said into the comm. “Rey! Come back to the base!”

And suddenly, they had returned to their bodies once more. Their plan solidified.

“Not yet.” The Jaeger pilots spoke in unison, their joined voice as commanding as any before them. “We know what we have to do.”

Leia’s voice came over the comm. “You do not, return to base immediately. We have to assess damages to the Jaeger-”

Ben and Rey turned the _Convergence_ away from shore and the corpses of the three Kaiju they had slain. They began to walk, slowly sinking beneath the waters of the bay.

Leia sputtered. “What do you both think you’re doing?!”

“Closing the breach.”


	34. I Wanna Sex You Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jaeger cockpits are delightfully private places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a final chapter count! \O/ One more to go!

#### 1912 hours

#### 

Every step in the Jaeger was like floating.

Still connected to that sliver of the universe, Ben and Rey marched the _Convergence_ deeper into the sea. It was built to withstand immense pressure, so they would survive the trek to the breach.

Together, they walked through another world. Sand and silt drifted up in clouds as the Jaeger trekked across the ocean floor. Fish scattered in their wake and dark shadows in the distance brought them no fear.

It would have been difficult to explain their plan to LOCCENT. Leia continued to protest, but the four other Jaeger pilots were enthusiastic about their plan. If nothing else, it was the only real idea for closing the breach that had been proposed. It was clear to them both that only Ben and Rey could execute this plan.

As they crept forward, the terrain became rougher. Rocks and bits of coral scattered with every step. The hole in the world loomed closer and soon, they were upon it.

The term “breach” was apt. It was a jagged wound in the ocean floor, gaping and extending almost a mile from end to end. It was a passage for the Kaiju, though not everyone knew how. If one came close to the breach while it was inactive, it simply appeared as a rift in the ground, much like the aftermath of an earthquake.

Ben and Rey could feel the Force. It poured into the rift, connecting the two worlds together. Wherever the Kaiju came from, someone - or something - had manipulated the Force into opening the passage between their planet and Earth.

And it was time for that to end.

The two Force-bound pilots approached the edge of the breach. They kneeled there, metal hands reaching out over the empty space above. It would be as easy as breathing, connected to the universe as they were. It swirled and rushed through them, showing them anything they wished to see.

They examined the bridge inside the rift. It was stable, but inactive at the moment, thank the Force. They stared and pulled at the threads, threads that looked like fluorescent strands of light, things that no one else on planet Earth would be able to see. LOCCENT was talking in their ears, but they were not listening.

The far end of the strands dragged them into the world of the Kaiju.

Thousands of them were there, some even larger than Confliction. The images were confusing and brief, but it was enough to know that this would never stop unless they ended it. They pulled back from the breach and their joined mind landed squarely back on Earth.

They reached for the Force, wielding it as the sharpest knife, and cut through the bridge between worlds like a knife through butter.

It collapsed within moments, the Force giving a collective sigh. To any others, it would have appeared like nothing had changed. But Ben and Rey knew that everything was different now.

It was over. The breach was closed.

“It’s closed. It’s done,” Ben said to LOCCENT.

The two pilots peered at one another for a moment. The urge to slip over the edge of the universe was stronger now. They had accomplished their goal; Earth was safe. There was nothing keeping them here now; they could meld with the Force itself and leave their bodies behind, drifting through the cosmos together.

They sensed hesitation in each other. Ben, who had started the steps to repair his relationship with his family. Rey, who had more friends than she had ever had before.

_“...We can’t.”_

Grasping the Force with both of their minds, they reluctantly pulled back from the connection. Moving back, further away with every second, while the universe reached back for them as they went.

The connection between themselves and the universe strained - then snapped.

Ben and Rey were keenly aware of their bodies once again. No longer did they feel like they were floating. Their limbs ached from battle, but they were energized in a way they had never been.

LOCCENT was a roar of disbelief and amazement. The cheers drifted to them through the comm and they disengaged their drift suits to embrace one another in joy.

“We did it,” Rey said, happy tears glistening in her eyes. She tossed off her helmet, letting it bounce away. “Don’t need that thing anymore.”

Ben smiled and divested himself of his own. “You can say that again.”

He took in the sight of her. She was so happy; he felt her mind dancing around his own, touches that could be nothing but... love.

The world shifted, the tiniest sliver, and he pulled her face to his own. She felt his intent before he moved and crushed her lips to his, grasping at his dark hair. He scrambled to touch her, blindly reaching for the button on the console that would release them both from their suits. Rey slammed her hand on the switch and the pieces came apart. She pried them off of him, breaking the kiss only to yank his shirt over his head.

Rey’s suit clattered to the floor and Ben picked her up, her legs around his waist. He pressed her back against the nearest, flat wall and she captured his lips again. Rey cried out when she reached into his mind; she sensed his emotions, solid and clear. He pushed back and found the same in her, and they were twined in each other in more ways than one.

Adrenaline thrummed through their veins, the aftermath of the battle heightening every sense. Neither wanted softness or caution now; Rey panted into Ben’s mouth as he ground his clothed erection between her legs, and she ripped their clothes off with the Force, tearing away anything that would keep them apart any longer.

He grinned, a wild and feral thing.

Rey wrapped her legs tighter around his waist as he worked himself into her, back muscles rippling. Her filthy moans echoed through the cockpit, spurring Ben on. He kissed her forehead, her cheek, her neck. He rolled his hips one last time and finally filled her with every inch he had to give.

He paused, forehead resting against Rey’s shoulder. He was sweating - both from the suit and from her - his breathing unsteady. He allowed her body to adjust and pulled her mind to his, melded together as one. Each gave voice to the silent part of their hopes as they danced in each other’s thoughts.

_“You’re mine.”_

Ben pulled back, thrusted, and Rey felt what little restraint she possessed shatter. She clawed at his back, begging both by mouth and mind. He thrusted again and again, building up to the rough rhythm that they both needed.

“Rey.” He murmured her name like a prayer, burying his head in her neck. The smallest thought from her and he licked at the sweat pooling near her collarbone. She was so light; he could hold her like this forever.

She pushed his hair back from his face. “Look at me,” she breathed. His eyes met hers and they were full of nameless things. She did not shy from everything that he was - and is.

_“Look at me.”_

She reached her opposite hand between them, down to where Ben’s delicious thrusts were driving her mad, and worked her clit with her fingers. He felt the sudden spike of pleasure and lust within her, and he shuddered. She grasped his hair, holding him so that he could not look away.

Rey stared directly into his eyes as her orgasm shattered through them both.

Ben’s legs almost gave out beneath him. He felt her pleasure as he felt his own, his body overwhelmed by hers. He thrusted into her as she rode out the wave, prideful that he could help make her feel like this. She broke eye contact then, throwing her head back in carnal bliss. He growled low in his throat, and bit her where her shoulder met her neck. She gasped, feelings of possessiveness flowing through their shared mind. She drank them up.

Rey felt his end approaching as soon as he did and he moaned her name into her ear. “Yes!” She frantically ran her hands through his hair, over his skin. “Please, I want it-”

Her sultry, sex-worn voice sent him into harder, faster thrusts. She felt the tightening in his gut, the roiling fire-

Their lips collided as he spilled himself into her, sharing sensation after sensation through the Force bond. He worked himself through the orgasm, letting her feel her own walls.

They both drifted back down. Panting, he rested his head on her shoulder once more, sweat-soaked hair sticking to her skin. “I love you.”

She grinned. “I know.”


	35. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the end is not the end.

#### Day 20, 1543 hours

#### 

“That’s the last of it,” Ben said, setting the box down on his bed.

 _“Perfect,”_ Rey thought, and he grinned.

It had been seven days since they closed the breach. Since then, the world had its eyes on Ben and Rey. The area at the bottom of the sea had been closely monitored for any signs of anomalies, any indication that the Kaiju would return, but there was nothing. The signs and signals that LOCCENT had come to know were gone, replaced by a blissfully empty stretch of ocean. The breach did not stir.

The Starkiller pilots had been hailed as heroes, though Ben and Rey made sure that the other four were given their due. They had all contributed, just as the pilots who came before them did. The two _Convergence_ pilots had refused all interviews; that wasn’t the point of the thing, and neither of them enjoyed that type of attention.

Connix had called Rey more than a dozen times in the last week and though Rey loved hearing from her friend, she did have other things to do. Connix vowed to visit Starkiller soon, a declaration that left Rey excited to see her. She told Rey that Hux was livid about everything, sending the pilot into cackles of laughter.

General Organa had given a handful of interviews, only to those news stations with the best reputations. She had spoken of the pilots’ courage and tenacity, their quick thinking and good ideas. It was compliment after compliment, but Rey and Ben knew that she meant every word. The last of the Kaijus’ body parts had been harvested by Phasma, who was making a mint from all of those who bought from her.

The _Convergence_ had since been returned to the base. Leia, cautious and never one to sit idly by, commanded that the Jaeger be repaired - just in case. Rey had been more than happy to help, taking special pride in her Jaeger. Working on it now was different; they did not have the urgency of an imminent Kaiju attack pressing in on them, and she was able to fully appreciate the craftsmanship of her machine.

The other two pairs had plans to repair their Jaegers as well. Poe would make a full recovery, or so the doctors in the medical bay said. Rose would endure months of healing and physical therapy, but was expected to retain some of the use of her injured arm. Paige and Finn continued to chide them both about taking it easy and not overexerting themselves.

Rey and Ben floated. They were fully of one mind, when they wanted to be. Finishing each other’s sentences had already gotten on Finn’s nerves, though Poe thought it was hysterical. It did not bother Rose or Paige at all, and Luke sometimes feigned irritation with a ghost of a smile on his face.

Any moment not spent working or sleeping was spent doing… other things.

Rey gleefully sent Ben images through the Force Bond of depraved, dirty things, and was not unaffected when he sent some of his own. And if they had snuck away during official Starkiller business, no one said a word. Certainly not when they used their Conn Pod for private meetings, in any case.

_“Wanna unpack?”_ Ben asked, Rey giggling. The boxes piled on his bed belonged to her, all of the things from her now-abandoned bedroom, a place that she no longer needed. Most of her belongings fit into the spaces that Ben cleared out for her. She put her clothes in his - their - dresser, her shoes near their door, her toiletries in their bathroom.

_“Maybe later,”_ Rey answered, digging through a box for a towel. _“I want a shower.”_

Ben slithered up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. _“I can come with you.”_

_“Is there enough room for that?”_ Rey hummed, as his hands roamed downward, brushing the inside of her thighs. He sent her an image that made her breath hitch in her throat, and she almost purred in response.

She grabbed his hand and dragged Ben toward the bathroom, both grinning all the way there.

They would go slow, now. They had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and that's a wrap!
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every comment and kudo means so much to me.
> 
> I hope that this fic gave you as much happiness as the joy I took in writing it.
> 
> If you enjoy my writing, stay tuned - there is much more Star Wars to come!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr!
> 
> theprofessorstrikesagain.tumblr.com


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